Jezebel

Lucille Bluth Gives Disney Princesses a Much-Needed Talking To

Madeleine Davies — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:45:00 GMT

This wasn't a decision easily arrived at, but after much deliberation the results are in: Lucille is officially the best Bluth.

Case in point — these Vines by Entertainment Weekly's Annie Barrett, which pair some of Lucille's best burns (and there are plenty gems to choose from) with scenes from Disney movies.

And saving the best for last:

Well done, Lucille, you beautiful monster.

Lucille Bluth vs. the Disney Princesses [EW]

It's Official: Ban on Gay Boy Scouts is Over, Gay Leaders Still Not Ok

Callie Beusman — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:36:06 GMT

The Washington Post reports that the Boy Scouts of America has voted to end a 22-year-old ban on openly gay youth. However, as a testament to the enduring power of homophobia, the organization has decided to keep its ban on adult leaders in place.

For shame, New Jersey, for shame: The Associated Press reports that there are 29 bars in the state "

Kate Dries — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:30:00 GMT

For shame, New Jersey, for shame: The Associated Press reports that there are 29 bars in the state "accused of putting cheap booze in premium brand liquor bottles and selling it to patrons." One bar was using food coloring with rubbing alcohol and pretending it was Scotch.

The Great Bra Washing Extravaganza

JolieKerr — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:15:00 GMT

Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her.

I can see the sidelong looks, hear the nervous tittering — it never fails when the subject of bra washing rolls around. And I know, just by looking at those of you shifting about in your seats, which of you can't remember the last time you laundered the bra you're wearing right now.

It's okay though, I understand. Our relationship to our bras is often … complicated. Including the whole, "Do I have to wash it?" part of things. (Yes, you do.)(I know! Sorry.) So today we'll try to uncomplicate things a little bit.

Before we get into the mechanics of bra washing, though, I do want to detour to echo some of the things that Laura Beck wrote the other week, in a fantastic post about her experience getting fitted for a bra — this is one of those pet topics that I feel super passionate about. Every woman should have bras that fit properly, and not just for vanity's sake. Though vanity's sake, especially when it comes to feeling good about your breasts, is a perfectly acceptable reason to get fitted. There, I said that. Flog me if you must.

The health benefits of wearing a properly sized bra, however, are for real. Because not wearing a bra that fits right can compromise your breast tissue, cause tension in your shoulders and neck, lead to headaches, and most frighteningly can result in cervical spine issues as well as spinal pain. YIKES. Let's not have any of that.

This leads me into another subject that is extraordinarily important for us, as gals who hang out on a widely read and influential women's interest site, to holler about loudly: cup-size subjugation. It's no joke that far (far, far, far) too many women cannot easily find bras in their size, and it's even less of a joke how much money they're expected to pay for those bras when they do find them. That blows.

And while it is absolutely understandable that the response to this situation is to buy ill-fitting bras, too few bras, bra brand extenders, etc. the result of doing is that we're allowing the status quo to remain unchallenged. If you do have a hard-to-find size, the best thing you can do for yourself and your hard-to-fit sistren is to buy all the properly fitting bras. ALL OF THEM. The more demand there is for less-than-standard sizes, the more manufacturers will take notice, especially given that breast health is such a hot issue right now. If we all band together we can do this thing! [GROAN] Bra puns aside, if you're a 40E and you keep on buying 38Ds from Victoria's Secret, Victoria's Secret has absolutely no impetus to carry the 40E you so desperately need.

With that soliloquy on the nature of bra fit and the tyranny of bra manufacturers out of the way, to your questions! Because once you have bras that don't make you feel horrible, you'll want to treat them right.

(It bears noting that you'll continue to have more questions even after reading this, which you should absolutely either leave in the comments or email to me so I can round them up for Bra Washing 2: Electric Boobaloo. Also be warned I will make every possible boob and bra pun possible. My apologies in advance.)

How Do I Wash My Bras?

There are two basic options you have for washing bras: hand washing or machine washing. Within those two categories, there are subgenres and nuances because of course. But in the interest of keeping things relatively digestible, today I'll cover the basics and then throw in one wild card option for you that falls more into the category of 'rinsing' rather than 'washing' but is still a really important thing to know about.

So! Hand washing is, as you might guess, ideal when it comes to laundering your bras. However, I am nothing if not a realistic Clean Person and I know that not everyone is going to hand wash their bras. But the Guild requires me to strongly impress upon you how far superior hand washing is. So consider yourself impressed! With that, here are your basic hand washing instructions:

1. The best place to do your handwashing is in kitchen sink. Do I need to tell you to clean the sink first? I might need to tell you that. So tell you I will: CLEAN THE SINK FIRST. If for whatever reason your kitchen sink isn't the best spot for you to be doing hand laundering, the bathtub or bathroom sink will also work, as will a washing bucket. The idea here is that you'll want to create a standing body of water in which to put your detergent and the bras.

2. Fill the sink or tub or washing bucket with warm water and a mild detergent. Down column I'll take you through a whole bunch of detergent options for your delicates; for now, just note this really important thing: you don't need or want to use a lot of detergent — a teaspoon up to a tablespoon will do it. Now add in your brassieres, smoosh them down so that they become fully submerged and saturated with the detergent solution and then leave them to sit in the bubble bath you've drawn for them for 10 to 15 minutes.

3. When the time is up and Calgon has taken your bras away, head back in and give each bra another gentle pressing, while submerged, which will help to release oil and dirt trapped in the fabric. Next you'll drain that dingy, nasty wash water — oh and here, please take a second to note how gray your bras just turned that water so that you can remember that the next time you try to convince yourself that your bras don't get dirty! — and rinse each bra exceedingly well with clean water. My technique of choice to ensure that my bras are rinsed completely of detergent is to drain, rinse out, replug, and refill the sink with clean water, then re-submerging my delicates and giving them a good smooshing as the first pass in rinsing them.

4. Once you're confident that you've rinsed the bras free of detergent, press gently on each one to squeeze out as much water as possible. Here you'll want to be careful not to wring or otherwise get too rough in your handling. You know how sometimes your paramour gets overly enthusiastic about grabbing at your bosoms? And it hurts them? Your bras are delicate and similarly sensitive to the touch. And while some of you might really enjoy that rough handling, it is a truism that your bras don't share your interest in BDSM.

Right then, those are your hand washing instructions. But yes, I see you sitting out there, screwing up your face and sucking your teeth at me and seething because you find that process that I just took you through? TO BE UTTERLY RIDICULOUS, SERIOUSLY LADY, WHO THE HELL HAS THE TIME AND ENERGY FOR ALL THAT?? And to you, my lovely little lemon-sucker, I say "Come along this'a way. Mama's gonna take care of you right now." Which of course means that it's time for our machine washing instructions:

1. If you're going to machine wash your bras, will you at least do me the great favor of going out and getting one of those small mesh laundry bags that zip up, into which you will place your bras? THANK YOU. I ask so little of you, truly.

That bag is going to serve two related purposes, the first being that it will keep your bra from running wild alongside your rougher items of clothing — jeans, yoga pants, the bullies of the laundry cycle — and getting caught up in a bad crowd. Literally. The straps and stuff, if the bras are washed loose, will wind themselves around larger items of clothing, and then they will get allllllllll kinds of stretched out and you'll have a strap-slippin' mess on your hands. Or rather, on your shoulders.

The other thing that will happen is that the hooks on the bras will catch onto your clothes, which will cause pulling, pilling, and poking. So show your bras and your not-bras some love and bag them boulder holders up.

2. If you've got it, use the delicate cycle. If you don't got it, use the cold water wash cycle.

3. DO NOT PUT THOSE BRAS IN THE DRYER ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE CLOTHES YOU JUST TOOK OUT OF THE WASHER. They're already contained in that convenient little baggie! Just take that thing out and set it aside while you transfer the rest of your things to the dryer. Thank you for your attention to this important matter.

And finally, here's that wild card option I offered you. The one about the rinsing. Or as I like to call it, Shower Washing:

Get in the shower. You know, as you do. But bring your bra in there with you! I KNOW, IS YOUR MIND BLOWN TOO? Because I still find this method to be delightfully revelatory. Once you're in there with your bras you have two adventures from which to choose: the adventure in which you wash the bra with a mild detergent or the adventure in which you merely rinse the bra.

It's that second one I want to chat about a bit with you. Because rinsing a bra regularly is a great thing to do. For one thing, regular rinsing will cut down on the amount of laundering you need to do. We'll talk shortly about how often you should be rotating and washing those bras, so just hang tight on that front. The other thing is that certain bras, like those with padding, actually benefit from being treated to the less frequent end of the washing spectrum. What happens with the padding is that over-washing them will lead to detergent build-up, because it's harder to rinse the padding clean of the soap, and over time that padding will break down. HOWEVER. This is not a license to not ever wash your padded bras. Yeah, see how I know what your devious little mind is up to? You've still got to wash them — sorry, Poppet!

How Do I Dry My Bras?

You'll always want to air dry your bras, either by laying them flat on a towel or by hanging them on a drying rack. If you opt for the hanging method, please please please do not hang them by their straps, which will cause those very important pieces to stretch out.

Oh and aha! Since we're on the subject of straps I can wedge this in here: many of you (us, many of us. I have puny bird-shoulders, bleh.) have problems with slippage, even when the strap is on the tightest setting. If this happens to you it may be indicative of two things: (1) that the bra has gotten stretched out and is no longer working properly or that (2) your build is such that standard bra straps are too long for you. In both cases, you should know this thing — you can have your bras tailored! Yes seriously! If the bra is an older one and it's still doing its job with the exception of your slipping straps, or if you fall into the bird-shouldered category like me, that little bit of knowledge is going to save you a lot of time, money and aggravation. Just have those straps shortened, like you would a dragging hem!

But back to drying bras out; if you live in a high-moisture or -humidity area, employing a fan will help matters greatly in terms of aiding drying time. Remember back when we talked about washing and drying roller derby pads? The fan was an essential component of the operation, and while of course bras aren't as bulky as pads and therefore will dry faster, if you're having problems take a cue from our pals on wheels and turn a fan on your bras to get 'em dry faster. If your home is retaining so much water that nothing can dry, get yourself some DampRid and scatter them about the home to help lower the moisture levels.

Machine drying is problematic for two reasons: (1) the heat is just too much for the elastic, which over time will break down, shortening the lifespan of that bra you just paid good money for and (2) all that banging around in there can lead to pilling, warping and/or holes in the material. If you absolutely must machine dry your bras please ~~do not tell me~~ use the no-heat tumble dry setting only.

How Often Should I Wash My Bras?

The good news here is that there is no hard and fast rule about how often you should wash your bras.

The bad news is that you do have to wash them. "But my boobs aren't dirty!" you'll exclaim at me. "Yes they are!" I'll respond. You still won't believe me and so this is where I have to talk to you about how your bra goes under your armpits and your little face will crumple up and I'll feel bad but not bad enough to keep from adding, "Oh and you know that little trickle of sweat that rolls down your back in the summertime? Yeah, that's going right onto your bra. And also your boobs are dirty. They deposit skin and oil on your bras all the livelong day."

Before we can get into the question of how often to wash a bra, we first need to take on the topics of Bra Wardrobe and Bra Rotation.

First of all, do you not LOVE the term 'bra wardrobe'?? I once met a woman who had a dedicated LINGERIE CLOSET and nearly died from all the envy. It's a little ridiculous, of course, the term 'bra wardrobe' but actually I like it precisely because of that: it shouldn't be ridiculous that we possess a bra wardrobe. We wear these things every day and they are a health thing and come on, there should be no shame whatsoever in taking care and pride in our bosoms and that which hoists them up. Bra wardrobes for everyone! Or not! Don't bother with them at all! Wearing a bra is a choice! Hurrah for choices!

The subject of the bra wardrobe brings me nicely into a discussion of bra rotation, which is what a well-appointed bra wardrobe will facilitate: if possible, you'll not want to wear your bras two days in a row. Doing so will help to preserve the integrity of the bra's elastic, which is sensitive to the heat and oils produced by your body.

Having said that, it's time to address the subject of how often to wash that bra. It is, to be honest, a bit subjective — akin to jean washing, in a sense — but because people do tend to want practical guidance, I offer this for those of you who want it: aim to wash that bra every 3-6 wearings.

Some of you have just recoiled in horror at that statement! For you I offer this suggestion: you can extend the time between washings with Swoobies, which are like dress shields for bras. (And oh yes, we will talk about dress shields one of these days, oh yes we will.) Swoobies will also help if you've got a skin condition that makes your bra uncomfortable to wear; if you are dreading what commuting during the summer months does to your bra; if you wear a hard-to-find sized sports bra that you want to get an extra wearing or two out of before laundering.

With What Shall I Wash My Bras?

You want to use a mild detergent when it comes to washing your brassieres, for the same reason that you want to wash them and also for the same reason that you don't want to dry them: that elastic is so, so, so sensitive. So a mild detergent is the thing here.

A few months ago, I rounded up a whole bunch of lingerie washes on my personal blog, which I'll just repurpose here because why not? There are, assuredly, a whole bunch more that aren't here so you should email me or comment to let me know what gentle detergents you like that I haven't mentioned here. ALSO FOR THE WOOLITE DENIERS: I know. I know what you're going to say. I KNOW OKAY?!?! I just … don't entirely agree that Woolite is the Devil because no one has actually proved to me beyond saying, "WOOLITE IS THE DEVIL" that Woolite is actually the Devil. I've happily use Woolite for ages, as have many experts in lingerie and hosiery I've spoken to in the course of being a Clean Person.

Soak Lingerie Wash, CA$16.00/14 oz
Tocca Laundry Delicate, US$15.00/8 oz or a set of 4 scents (2 oz each) for US$22
Intimacy Lingerie Wash, US$16.00/32 oz
Forever New, US$7.00/32 oz
Le Blanc Silk & Lingerie Wash, approx US$35.00/64 oz
Eucalen No Rinse Delicate Wash, approx US$17.50/16.9 oz
Woolite Extra Delicates Care, approx US$5.00/16 oz
Charlie’s Soap, approx US$15.00/32 oz
Ivory Snow, approx US$7.00/25 oz
Victoria’s Secret Gentle Liquid Detergent and Softening Dryer Sheets, US$12.00-14.00

But My Bras Are Stained!

If your clothes stain your bras with dye, go ahead and treat them in the same way you would stains on any other clothing. The only thing to be mindful of is the products you choose — just go for as gentle an option as you can find.

Here's an easy tip for when you find yourself with deodorant residue on a bra in between wearings: wipe the stained areas clean with a damp washcloth. You might have to put a little muscle into it but combine that with some patience and you'll be able to wear it under a sleeveless shirt without feeling worried.

But Jolie, What About …?

Soft cups;
Sports bras;
Fancy bras;
Nursing bras;
Hard-to-find sizes;
How expensive this all is;
And all manner of other bra-related questions, anxieties, hopes, dreams you might have.

I COME BEARING MORE GOOD NEWS! In addition to picking up with additional bra washing questions down the line in this column, I'll also be launching a short series here on all manner of brassiere-related topics.

In the opener of this post I talked a little bit about how passionately I feel about bras, and I'm so excited to explore the topic further with you all. To that end, that list of "But what about?" items is meant to you a sense of some of the discussions I want to take on, not just in terms of cleaning — though of course we'll talk about laundering and maintaining specialty bras of course — but also when it comes to defining them, finding them, understanding their unique needs, forging a meaningful relationship with them … all that good stuff. To make this discussion the best it can be, you should tell me what you want to learn and/or talk about. Email me with questions or suggestions at joliekerr@gmail.com. If you are an expert on any bra-related topic please get in touch so I can pick your giant brain! And mostly, GET EXCITED!

Jolie Kerr is the author of the upcoming book My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag … And Other Things You Can't Ask Martha (Plume, Spring 2014); more cleaning-obsessed natterings can be found on Twitter, Kinja, and Tumblr.

Squalor appears on Jezebel and Deadspin on alternating weeks.

Image via Julija Sapic/Shutterstock.

Kid Who Asked Kate Upton to Prom Gets a Hot Runner-Up Model Instead

Kristine Gutierrez — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:00:00 GMT

A hearty congrats is in order for the young man who has taught every prepubescent, premature-ejaculating boy that if you can't force Kate Upton to go to prom with you, you can still get a ringer.

Jake Davidson is the "adorable" high school kid who made a viral video asking burger-loving, non-Diddy-dating Kate Upton out to his prom a few months ago. She toyed with the idea on Twitter but then realized it'd probably be kinda gross and that she has a busy schedule.

Well, tonight is Jake's prom; he's probably putting on a boutonniere right this second. And although Kate rejected him, the kid won't be going alone. He will be attending prom with 21-year-old Nina Agdal. Nina is a Danish model that was recently named Rookie of the Year in the Swimsuit Edition of Sports Illustrated. She also has her own pervy Carl's Jr commercial, wherein she is featured on an island with her legs spread and a burger in hand.

Agdal's willingness to go on a date with this kid is clearly a calculated PR move designed to up her popularity quotient. She invited Inside Edition to join her as she went shopping for her prom dress; cameras will probably be there when Jake meets her for the first time. The end result? Every single Superbad, She's Out of My League, The Girl Next Door-style teen boy fantasy movie comes to life.

Both New York Magazine and Slate have covered how creepy and wrong it was for this kid to ask and expect a date from Upton. Kat Stoeffel of the The Cut wrote:

[Upton] takes a stand on behalf of women everywhere, who risk appearing bitchy if they choose not to acquiesce to a man's request....her "yes" would have reinforced the idea that women owe something - attention, time, sex - to men just because they've asked nicely. Or paid a compliment. Or bought a drink.

It's annoying that this kid, despite a reasonable rejection from a busy model/actress, gets a second chance from an equally hot model. No one is entitled to sex because they asked nicely and/or on the interet, but thanks to this kid, they might be entitled to a night with a smoking hot babe.

Teen's Prom Plea to Kate Upton Lands Him Top Model Date [ABC News]

Image of Nina via Sports Illustrated.

Jezebel How a Women's Libido Pill Could Actually Save Monogamy | Kotaku Valve Has Crowdsourced Banni

Lauren Bertolini — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:29:38 GMT

Jezebel How a Women's Libido Pill Could Actually Save Monogamy | Kotaku Valve Has Crowdsourced Banning Cheaters In Counter-Strike | Gizmodo Incredible Slo-Mo Footage Of the Pistol Shrimp's Devastating Attack | Gawker Obama Boldly Calls For Basic Sanity and Human Rights

Reality Show to Completely Devote Itself to the Virgin Fetish

Madeleine Davies — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:45:00 GMT

You know who really needs more fetishizing? Virgins! Honestly, the thousands and thousands of years of telling women that their only value is in how many (or how few) people they've had sex with just hasn't been enough. Let's keep this party going. Bring out the bridal sheets!

Luckily, there's an Australian "documentarian" who's banking on doing exactly that. Filmmaker Justin Sisely made waves when he began producing a documentary on Catarina Migliorini, the 20-year-old Brazilian woman who auctioned off her virginity for charity last year. Lest Sisely be accused of sexism, he also included Alex Stepanov, a male virgin attempting to do the same thing.

The project, titled Virgins Wanted (alternative title: Madeleine Just Threw Up On Her Desk and Now Has to Learn How to Clean Vomit Off of a Keyboard), was meant to be a full length feature, but Sisely has now decided to break it into parts and shop it around to TV networks as a reality series. Not to spoil the ending for you, but it turns out — SURPRISE! — that a woman's virginity is considered way more valuable than a man's. Migliorini ended up raking in a cool $780,000 bid from a Japanese bidder known as "Natsu" and Stepanov's winning bid was a mere $3,000 from an Australian woman "Kasandra Darlinghurst" (which will likely be my pseudonym for my future career as a romance novelist).

Of the series, Sisely, who may face sex trafficking charges for the film, told the Huffington Post, "This is about transforming life. I've seen Alex change over the past two years. These people will be different afterwards. Their lives won't be the same....Where will [Catarina] go after this?"

Please be college. Please be college. Please be college.

Catarina Migliorini Virgin Auction Morphs Into Reality TV Series [Huff Po]

Image via Shalunts/Shutterstock.

To Catch a Thief Realness: Yet Another Jewelry Heist in Cannes

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:30:00 GMT

Last week, Chopard jewelry was stolen from a hotel room in Cannes, during the film festival, specifically the same night as the premiere of The Bling Ring. Somehow, the festival has forged ahead, though perhaps ever-so-slightly less radiant. Today, the AP reports that there's been another robbery:

Thieves outsmarted 80 security guards in an exclusive French Riviera hotel and made off with a necklace that creators say is worth a staggering 2 million euros ($2.6 million) — in the second such jewelry heist during this year's Cannes Film Festival.

This "high value" necklace is not, repeat not the one Jessica Chastain wore to the Cleopatra screening; that was a Bulgari bauble previously owned by Liz Taylor. The missing necklace is by The De Grisogono jewelry house. De Grisogono director Fawaz Gruosi says of the theft: "It is actually the first time it has happened in our 20-year history."

Meanwhile, Dita Von Teese just shot a Vine of her Chopard stones and LAWDA MERCY. If shiny things make your spot hot, this is pure porn.

[ABC News via AP]

Image via Getty.

Men's Underwear Ads Want You to Know Men Aren't Just 'Pieces of Meat'

Callie Beusman — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:15:00 GMT

Remember earlier this week when we said that shirtless hunks in ads are the new hot chicks in ads? Apparently there's one advertising arena in which that's not the case: the arena of men's underwear.

According to the New York Times, some men's underwear companies are beginning to react against the notion that male underwear models should look like they're chiseled from stone. In the words of designer Jason Scarlatti, “We are going for something a little more statuesque, and a little less steroid-y.” Also on the agenda? Giving the underwear models identity, "so they are not just a piece of meat," according to PR executive James LaForce. Also, taking the emphasis off of the crotch shot. Fare thee well, crotch shot. You will be missed.

Underwear companies hope to appeal to a larger demographic by employing "less intimidating" and "more relatable" male models, showcased in a more "lifestyle" context, as is perhaps epitomized in this Mack Weldon "behind the scenes" video featured on their website:

(Hot tip on how to be relatable: hop around reading the newspaper in a loosened bow tie. Don't even feel ashamed that your very chiseled ads aren't UNBELIEVABLY chiseled. Shrug boyishly, as if to say, "Oh, these abs? Whatever. I'm just a guy.")

It's good to see a shift away from the muscle-bound, super-jacked male body imperative. Men have body issues, too, and men are negatively affected by ads that promote hypermasculinity. However, the turn away from objectification employs a bit of "no homo" rhetoric that's a little troubling:

Things have become so raunchy now that the marketing for a sizable niche of underwear brands bears a marked resemblance to gay pornography...

At 2(x)ist, and elsewhere in the underwear market, there was a growing sentiment that the models were getting to be, well, too sexy, at least to be relatable to a new breed of fashion customer: the average heterosexual man.

Thus, the change in campaign direction, which shows models (still attractive, shirtless and depilated, mind you) in lifestyle situations like exercising on a beach, often turned slightly away from the camera.

It's great that underwear companies are promoting healthy standards of male attractiveness and employing models who are closer to being average-looking. It's not-so-great that a large impetus for avoiding objectification is rooted in stereotypical heterosexual male discomfort with perceived homoeroticism.

It looks like we have a long ways to go before we, as a society, are entirely ABS-olved (HA) of our lingering issues with the male body.

"Less Ab, More Flab" [NYT]

Image via CURAphotography/Shutterstock.

The Plus-Size Supply and Demand Problem: 'Fatkini' Sells Out Instantly

Jenna Sauers — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:00:00 GMT

Gabi Gregg's swimwear collaboration with Swimsuits For All was eagerly anticipated by the fashion blogger's thousands of fans. But order fulfillment and inventory issues have left would-be customers disappointed by cancelled orders. And, though many say Swimsuits For All was quick to charge their credit cards, the plus-size retailer has been slow in issuing refunds.

Gregg, long well-known in the fat-acceptance and plus-size fashion blogospheres, became famous after photos she posted of herself relaxing in a bikini — which she called her "fatkini" — went viral. That led to Today Show appearances and a gig writing a column for InStyle magazine. The Swimsuits For All collaboration was announced in April and the product images — shots of Gregg and other women modeling neon and galaxy-print bikinis and a jewel-print maillot with mesh panels, all looking very trippy and Spring Breakers — were covered positively by USAToday, Fashionista, Refinery29, the Daily Mail, XOJane, and MTV, among others. The neon and jewel-print suits were cute, but the real prize of the collection was obviously the galaxy bikini, modeled by Gregg herself. Who wouldn't want a swimsuit that looked like the universe?

All that press attention might have been too much for Swimsuits for All to handle: the galaxy-print bikini sold out within hours. Excitement on Twitter...

Yes, it is 2:30 am and I stayed up to buy a @gabifresh galaxy bikini: swimsuitsforall.com/Gabi-Galaxy-Bi… #plussize
— Chubble Bubble (@chubble_bubble) May 15, 2013

can't wait till this gets to my mailbox because I'm not ever gonna take it off ever swimsuitsforall.com/Gabi-Galaxy-Bi…
— lacey micallef (@fartpalace) May 16, 2013

Yay! The @gabifresh line of swimsuits is live! Snagged my galaxy bikini. MINE. swimsuitsforall.com/Gabi-Fresh-for…
— Sarah Nelson (@CelestialAxis) May 15, 2013

...quickly gave way to disappointment:

Le sigh. So much for saving up for the galaxy bikini.
— Paisley (@paisleypaisley) May 17, 2013

*cries real tears over galaxy bikini*
— Ally (@frushi) May 21, 2013

Gregg's Instagram and blog comments fields are full of dozens and dozens of comments from people who say they waited up to order the swimsuits as soon as they became available, that their credit cards were charged, and that they received order-confirmation emails from Swimsuits For All — only to be told days later that their orders would not be fulfilled. Several also say their payments were slow to be refunded.

Swimsuits For All told Gregg — who promptly informed customers via her blog — that it would not be making any more swimsuits because it took their supplier three months to make the current stock, and by the time a new round of suits would be ready, swimsuit season would be over. Gregg has apologized on her blog to those who never got their bikinis. Frankly, she's doing a much better job addressing Swimsuits For All's mistakes than the company itself.

This is clearly a public-relations disaster and an embarrassment for Swimsuits For All, which wasn't prepared for the wave of interest Gregg's designs elicited. As retail snafus go, it sort of sounds like the plus-size fashion world's version of the Target/Missoni debacle. In that case, heads rolled — the head of Target.com even resigned. Swimsuits For All should have made sure its inventory software and Web site infrastructure was up to the task of handling such an influx of orders, but mistakes happen. And when they do, it's important to explain what happened, apologize promptly to customers who were disappointed, and offer to do something nice for them in exchange — three things Swimsuits For All hasn't really done.

The good news is three other swimsuit styles Gregg designed are still available (in limited sizes). And if there's one takeaway from this whole episode, perhaps it's this: that the market for fashionable plus-size clothing and swimwear is so woefully underserved that people will go nuts for an exciting new offering. Whichever retailer figures this out first stands to make a lot of money.

Intervention is Cancelled, Never to Intervene Again

Kate Dries — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:45:00 GMT

The show known as the classier and more realistic version of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew has been cancelled by A&E before the start of its 13th season, executives announced Thursday. This would probably be an inappropriate time to make a joke about addicts of the show trying to figure out where to get their fix now, so just fill this space with something that's in better taste.

David McKillop, the executive vice president of programming of A&E Network and Bio Channel, claimed that since the show premiered in March 2005, they've accomplished 243 interventions, 156 of which have resulted in people who are still sober. That's almost two-thirds of participants in the show staying sober for a maximum of eight years, though for most the amount of time has been far less.

Thank goodness we'll always have the memories of how meth is not a good drug and bath salts might be even worse. For those looking for something new, Duck Dynasty and Storage Wars are still around.

A&E Cancels 'Intervention' After 13 Seasons [The Hollywood Reporter]

Image via Intervention

Mom Has Traitor Son Arrested for 'Stealing' Her Coveted Pop-Tarts

Meher Ahmad — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:30:00 GMT

We've all had those urges to take a few bites out of our roommate's food. You're hankering for some Oreos, but it's raining outside and the Bad Girls Club season finale is about to start. You're home alone, staring at your pantry, wishing that you somehow could get one, just one, Oreo cookie to magically appear in your hand. Suddenly, you glance at your roommate's shelf. Behind her boxes of weird Kashi things and gigantic bag of quinoa lies the holy grail: a package of double stuffed Oreos. What's the harm in taking one? It's only one cookie. She won't mind right? And before you have even fully grasped the moral implications of pilfering double stuffed cookies, it's in your mouth and, oh god, it's too late. You could hang your head in shame, or cheerfully run over the couch and watch the delectable drama of the Bad Girls Club with black cookie crumbs stuck in your teeth.

Perhaps this was the reasoning behind one North Carolina boy's great misdeed. Crazy with hunger and lulled into a false sense of safety in his own home, he decided to snack on another tasty treat of processed sugar: Pop-Tarts. Only instead of getting away with the perfect crime, the boy was caught in the act by his mother, who then proceeded to overreact to the point that she called Charlotte police and had her own son arrested. No, I did not stutter. She called the police. And had him. Arrested.

The 37-year-old mother's neighbor, Fred Patrick, reportedly "could not stop laughing" when he heard the news. "He seems real nice to me," Patrick said of the boy. "I mean, he is real respectful." Imagine the shock of discovering that your sweet, all-American boy next door is secretly a Pop-Tart thief. The horror! One day you're having him mow your lawn, the next day reporters are asking you if you saw it coming. What a world we live in, huh?

The boy's mother, who was undoubtedly in no emotional state to speak to the public after having to report her own child for the heinous crime he committed, was said to emerge briefly from her house to scream obscenities at reporters, then turned around and slammed the door. There's an immense amount of guilt and shame that goes along with coming to the realization that you have not only birthed, but raised, a total monster. For now, the boy has been charged with a larceny/misdemeanor.

Was it worth it? If it was one of those red velvet Pop-Tarts, I'd say yes — when those babies are chilled in the freezer for a few hours, I'd risk imprisonment to eat one too.

[WCNC, Charlotte Observer]

Image via Associated Press

Names, Words, and Phrases Appearing in a Single NYT Story About Hair

Jessica Coen — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:18:00 GMT

An abridged list, in no particular order:

"It’s not ‘Real Housewife’-y"
"Sally Hershberger’s Upper East Side location"
"The whole ‘I was surfing in Costa Rica for a month’ look.”
"$85 for a process"
Gisele
"Has taken on a certain artfulness"
“sometimes you’ll get into trouble”
Brigitte Bardot
"the 'beach hair guy'"
"Eleanor Ylvisaker, a founder of the clothing line Earnest Sewn"
"own their texture"
"South of France"
Barbie
"works in public relations Chanel"
"a salon and apothecary with locations in Brooklyn and Los Angeles"
"I want to take a shower"
Vogue Spain
"the glossy 'Khloe Kardashian wave'"
Oribe
"trades on eBay for upward of $50 a bottle."
"He imagines real beach waves as a product of the elements"
Sports Illustrated
"dismissively"
"wispy effect"
"a romp in the restroom is not appropriate”
Alexa Chung
"it can make the scalp itch"

[NYT]

Image via Getty.

Big Balls, Boobs, Aniston, Sudeikis: We're the Millers NSFW Trailer

Doug Barry — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:15:00 GMT

Here's the red band trailer for We’re the Millers, the road trip movie about a collection of American misfits that transforms itself into what it thinks the All-American family should look like (satire abounds) in order to transport oodles of marijuana across the Mexican border at the behest of a deranged orca-collector played by Ed Helms. I get the distinct sense that they put all the funniest jokes into the trailer.

Still, Jason Sudeikis is in it. So is a swinging Nick Offerman, along with Emma Roberts. And some kid has his testicles gnashed by a tarantula, which somehow manages to be the funniest genital sight-gag since There’s Something About Mary. Ah, the simple pleasures of grotesque physical comedy.

Tudor Fashion: Pretty, But Best Not to Think About the Stench

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:00:00 GMT

A new exhibit at the Queen's Gallery in London is titled In Fine Style: The Art of Tudor and Stuart Fashion. It features portraits painted in the 16th and 17th century — Tudors and Stuarts, but also Italians, Spaniards and Germans.

As Brian Sewell writes for the London Evening Standard, while the clothing is mind-bogglingly over the top and ornate — thick, sumptuous fabrics; fur-lined robes; lace collars; elaborate embroidery — it's important to remember that hygiene was different then, and these people probably smelled really, really bad:

It was surely ever thus that clothes, if they did not make the man (or woman, or child), at the very least clearly told us of his status and, in the court circles of the Tudors and earlier Stuarts, were not only ruinously costly, but time-consuming to don and doff, stiff, heavy, hot, never comfortable, never really clean and probably never free of accumulated body odours and the perfumes to mask them. Patterned with decorative stitching, heavy with embroidery, jewels and trumpery, overgarments lay layer upon layer over corsets, shifts, bodices and other undergarments, some exaggerating the body’s natural shape, others camouflaging it. For decades women must have found it all but impossible to sit, and men and boys, with voluminous breeches to enhance the buttocks — in the early 17th century padded with “much bumbastings and quiltings … to seem fuller thighed than we are” — made men look ridiculous, and Lord knows how, without underpants (they tucked their shirt tails between their legs) they kept at bay the fungal growths inevitable in the crotch in such unremittingly humid circumstances. It is no wonder that when Charles II was restored in 1660 the court became less formal and it was possible to be seen in the loose comfort of deliberate undress.

Gross. Think they'll tackle crotch rot in that new CW show about Mary, Queen of Scots?

It's fun to see which different body parts got exaggerated. There were billowing sleeves, poufy thighs over narrow legs, and crazywide hips. Gaga would die. And the children! Check out what a young boy wore while playing with a toy cannon. Comfy.

Anyway, if you love this stuff, don't fret: It's all coming back into fashion right now. Didn't you see the Fall 2013 McQueen fashion show?

[London Evening Standard, In Fine Style/Royal Collection Trust]

Lede images from left to right: Mary II by Willem Wissing; Eleonore of Austria by Joos van Cleve; Portrait of a Lady in Green by Agnolo Bronzino.

Center image: Detail from a portrait of Anne of Denmark.

Bottom images: Portrait of a man in red; The Infanta Isabella Clara Eugenia by Pourbus the Younger; Elizabeth, Queen of Bohemia by Mytens.

How a Women's Libido Pill Could Actually Save Monogamy

Lindy West — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:45:00 GMT

Despite the fact that all I want in life is a daemon familiar and a wand and a sarcastic dappled mare who really gets me and violet eyes and a tower, in actuality I'm forever harping on the fact that magic isn't real. There are no magic Spanx that will turn you into Cindy Crawford. There is no magic begoggled top hat that will transport you out of the "friend zone," and there is no magic vision board that will manifest a sarcastic talking Lamborghini (that really gets you!) in your driveway while you sleep. It's just not real. Nothing is easy and nothing is free. But...what if it was? Not magic, precisely, but a workaround—a shortcut from one side of one of life's seemingly insurmountable challenges to the other. What if you could take a pill and fix your broken relationship?

There was a fascinating piece in the New York Times yesterday about the search for a sort of "female Viagra"—which is a bit of a misnomer, as it's a pill to mend not women's sexual function (as Viagra does for men) but women's sexual desire. As women age, research suggests, our libidos wane much more rapidly and drastically than men's: it's estimated that 10-15% of women suffer from hypoactive sexual-desire disorder, or HSDD. Daniel Bergner's descriptions of women (and, in heterosexual relationships, men by extension) suffering from HSDD are heartbreaking:

When they were dating and out with other couples, Linneah would think, “I just want to get home with him, I just want to get home with him,” she recalled. But that lust had dwindled. Around the arrival of their second child in 2004, something insidious crept in, partly fatigue but partly something else that she couldn’t name. She talked about her to-do lists, the demands of the kids, “but let’s face it,” she said, “sex doesn’t take that much time.” Rather than feeling as if she still wanted to grab her husband’s hand and hurry him up the stairs in their small brick house, on many nights she waited in bed, somewhat like prey, though the predator was tender, though he was cherished.

Around once a week, her husband tried to reach through the invisible barriers she built — the going up to bed early, the intense concentration on a book, the hoping he was too tired to want anything but sleep. “He’ll move closer to me in bed, or put his arm around me, or rub my back.” She willed herself not to refuse him. And mostly, she didn’t. Usually they had sex about four times each month. But it upset her that she had to force herself and that she put up those barriers to deter him from reaching more often.

As the old evo-psych tropes would have it, this is all because of biology. Women aren't meant to want sex once we're done plopping out young and lapping up our placentas—we're nesters. We nest. We find a mate, we cling to him, we nest, our eggs drop and rot and run out and we die. Men, meanwhile, are all sex-hungry Johnny Applesemens with no expiration date, biologically programmed to stride around the prairie with a pot for a hat, fore'er frosting the world with the seed of life. You know, HOW HUMANS DO.

Unfortunately, Bergner argues (cordially!), evo-psych looks to be a bunch of bullshit—willfully misconstruing regressive cultural conditioning as biological fact in an effort to uphold those same pillars of regressive cultural conditioning. We've long assumed that HSDD was just a natural process concomitant with age in certain women, but Bergner's reading of the body of research on women's libidos points to a much different conclusion: boredom.

Studies conducted recently are beginning to hint that female eros isn’t in the least programmed for fidelity. These range from close focus on the sexual habits of our primate ancestors to research exploring women’s wish for casual sex. An experiment led by Samantha Dawson, a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Queen’s University, in Kingston, Ontario, and another by Stephanie Both, a psychologist and assistant professor at Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands, looked at the issue in another way. Heterosexual women and men watched pornographic film clips while their vaginas and penises were monitored. The subjects watched a one-minute sex scene repeatedly, with breaks in between to let genital blood flow return to a baseline state. Dawson’s and Both’s results show women’s responses leaping at first, then, in Dawson’s study, tracking the rapid downturn of the men, and in Both’s, plummeting while the men’s reactions stayed surprisingly constant. When the researchers introduced what are called “novel stimuli,” in this case new clips of pornography, “vaginal pulse amplitude,” like penile engorgement, spiked immediately.

The implication, of course, is that non-monogamous relationships might be the cure for HSDD. Heterosexual women are conditioned to believe that our purpose in life is to find one man, settle down forever, weather any and all storms, and then die. That expectation is loosening up, but it's still the underpinning of the majority of modern relationships. And that hurts women and men. People stay in terrible relationships for their entire lives, or they stay in good relationships despite complete sexual dysfunction. Women, especially, are conditioned not to take control over our sex lives—not to demand what we need or investigate what's wrong. If opening up some monogamous relationships might help women rediscover their sexual desire, then that's a good thing, right?

Um, NOT REALLY! I mean, not for me personally. However fashionable non-monogamy might be among the sex-positive set right now, and however much I might support it in principle, I just don't want it for myself. At all. I'm a pretty radical left-wing harpy, but my dumb American heart still tugs me toward bullshit like the idea of a wedding-wedding. Napkin rings. Flowers. A "venue" instead of just "party at my house." Caterers instead of just "pile of Cadbury Mini-Eggs." Randy being scandalized because I said the word "boobs." Negative fifty thousand dollars. I hate all that shit, and yet part of me is programmed to want it desperately.

I'm totally supportive of all of the different [consensual] ways to love [that don't hurt anyone], and utterly delighted by all of the different shapes of families that are starting to gain mainstream visibility and acceptance. Woooo! GET IT, other people! But personally, as much as I fear becoming that frigid-old-wife-putting-up-invisible-walls cliche, I just really love being with one person. My boyfriend is the best, and I don't like most people, and I don't like talking to people, and my boyfriend is THE BEST. I know monogamy isn't perfect, but in my life (circumscribed, granted, by the same cultural conditioning I'm criticizing), it feels the least worst system. The worst form of joining messily and vulnerably with another person, except for all the others. That attitude in no way applies to all women, but I know I can't be the only confused progressive lady who feels that way.

So what do you do? What do you do if you're a gal who thinks cultural conditioning is bullshit but you feel biologically monogamous and then suddenly you find yourself avoiding sex a decade into your relationship with your awesome husband or wife or partner but the only thing worse than bed-death, to you, is the idea of bringing other people into that bed? Well, that's where lady Viagra—the magic pill—would come in.

Lybrido and Lybridos, the drugs profiled in Bergner's article, haven't seen much measurable success yet. But they could be just the workaround that some couples need to save their monogamous relationships—or, to allow monogamy and longterm sexual satisfaction to coexist for couples grappling with HSDD.

That's not to say that monogamy + magic pill = the "right" way to love. It's just one pathway that might become much less rocky in the coming decades. Human relationships are infinitely complex. But one thing is starkly obvious—our entire narrative of how women "should" think about sex and sexual desire and relationships is actively harming us all. This might be the most fascinating paragraph in Bergner's whole piece:

This interplay of experience and neural pathways is widely known as neuroplasticity. The brain is ever altering. And it is neuroplasticity that may help explain why hypoactive sexual desire disorder is a mostly female condition, why it seems that women, more than men, lose interest in having sex with their long-term partners. If boys and men tend to take in messages that manhood is defined by sex and power, and those messages encourage them to think about sex often, then those neural networks associated with desire will be regularly activated and will become stronger over time. If women, generally speaking, learn other lessons, that sexual desire and expression are not necessarily positive, and if therefore they don’t think as much about sex, then those same neural networks will be less stimulated and comparatively weak. The more robust the neural pathways of eros, the more prone you are to feel lust at home, even as stimuli dissipate with familiarity and habit.

Look. Here's the thing. You're born and then you're going to die. And in between you get to be alive. How exciting is that? Why would you want to stifle any part of that? Everything you do in life is a balancing act, prioritizing longterm satisfaction and security while feeding your desire for instant gratification. Right now, our model stigmatizes everything that isn't a "normal" monogamous relationship, effectively conditioning women away from every possible alternative, no matter how effectively it might foster longterm happiness. The idea that you should spend your life unhappy and unfulfilled and then die, because you made a promise to some outdated notion of fidelity, is regarded as an honorable and ideal way to live your life. That's bananas. Lybrido and Lybridos would be a convenient escape hatch for people caught in that system, or people (like me) who desire a monogamous structure despite its flaws.

But what we really need isn't just a pill—it's a new paradigm altogether. A new way of thinking about sex and gender and love, and we need it to permeate our culture and change our brains for the better and stop teaching us to cling to dissatisfaction because having something is better than the unknown. So...somebody get on that. That would be the real magic trick.

Image by Jim Cooke and Shutterstock.

Here's That Girls Porn Parody You Didn't Ask For

Callie Beusman — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:30:00 GMT

HBO's Girls is somewhat notorious for featuring lots of sexually explicit content: nipples! money shots! Lena Dunham peeing on the train tracks while an elderly couple looks on! If you're an aspiring pornographic film director or producer, you've probably noticed that the only thing Girls is missing is actual penetration. (And NO, the q-tip in the eardrum scene does NOT count, because my daily mental well-being hinges on pretending I never witnessed that).

Thankfully, the enterprising men and women at Hustler have put an end to this egregious oversight. They've just wrapped their very own Girls porn parody, which is titled "This Ain't Girls XXX." It stars Richie Calhoun, who is apparently Ryan Gosling's porn doppelganger, as Adam, and Alex Chance as Hannah. It promises to be as off-kilter as the TV show. In the promotional photo, porn-Hannah is eating a red velvet cake on the toilet.

“I tried to make it as weird as possible,” Calhoun told XBIZ, the porn industry business news magazine. “I tried to say really weird things and do really weird positions.

“Well, not that weird,” he quickly added, probably thinking of the scene in the TV show where Adam talks about fucking Hannah's Cabbage Patch lunch box or whatever.

The plot of "This Ain't Girls XXX" is as follows:

Hannah (Alex Chance) decides to forsake men, and boyfriend Adam, to experiment with lesbianism. After a few satisfying jaunts [probably shaving Jessa's legs using her vagina] she returns to Adam — and mankind.

Adam accepts her back into the fold, but, true to the original show, adds a dominant and quirky dimension to the scene... The ensuing sex involves mild BDSM with a sprinkling of strange: In addition to dirty talk and rough sex, Adam uses a candy ballgag attached to a stretchy cord to direct Hannah’s face towards him.

If there is no masturbation scene set to "Dancing On My Own," I'm suing.

Seriously, though, Girls is a show that's been lauded as groundbreaking because of its frank portrayal of all of the awkward and uncomfortable intricacies of sex. The sex in Girls is often rather unsexy, and for a good reason — it's doing the important work of that demystifying the imperative of the liberated woman to "go forth and have great sex." Intercourse (and everything that leads up to it) is often much more fraught with complications than it's made out to be in the media. That's especially true of the S&M power dynamics in a lot of the sex that Adam has — the second-to-last episode of last season memorably had an incident that may have been rape. Therefore, there's something fairly confounding about turning Girls into a porn, since porn is by definition meant to be sexy, enjoyable, entertaining, arousing, etc. It's not meant to invite critical thinking or open up a discourse.

According to Calhoun, due to the show’s frequent sexual themes, “they didn’t have to do much” but roll with the original script and extend the intercourse scenes. I find this hard to believe — making all of the sex "sexy" probably changes a lot.

Here is Lena Dunham's understandably annoyed reaction:

I wish I had a better attitude about the Girls porn parody. I really can never predict what will trouble me and it's simply exhausting.
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) May 23, 2013

"Hustler Wraps XXX Parody Based on HBO's 'Girls'" [Xbiz]
[H/t NYMag]
Image via Getty.

Dishwasher-turned-folk hero Charles Ramsey, who was eating a burger when he heard the cries of the C

Meher Ahmad — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:15:00 GMT

Dishwasher-turned-folk hero Charles Ramsey, who was eating a burger when he heard the cries of the Cleveland kidnapping victims and came to their rescue, is being honored not only with a burger named after him at the restaurant where he works, but free burgers for life.

Milla Jovovich Hits the Red Carpet in Sapphire Gown and Indigo Nails

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:00:00 GMT

That dress! Walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and shit.

CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 22: Actress Milla Jovovich attends the 'All Is Lost' Premiere during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 22, 2013 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Your Greek Yogurt Problem Is Really a Problem

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:40:00 GMT

Fact: Greek yogurt is so hot right now. You know it, Jamie Lee Curtis knows it, John Stamos knows it. But Greek yogurt has a dark side: Making it produces acid whey, and acid whey is a huge fucking problem.

Acid whey is, as Modern Farmer reports, "a thin, runny waste product that can’t simply be dumped." Um, ew. Why?

Not only would that be illegal, but whey decomposition is toxic to the natural environment, robbing oxygen from streams and rivers. That could turn a waterway into what one expert calls a “dead sea,” destroying aquatic life over potentially large areas. Spills of cheese whey, a cousin of Greek yogurt whey, have killed tens of thousands of fish around the country in recent years.

Yikes. To be clear, this is not a yogurt problem, this is a Greek yogurt problem.

Unlike traditional yogurt, Greek yogurt is strained after cultures have been added to milk. In home kitchens, this can be done with a cloth. Greek yogurt companies still throw around the term “strained,” but in reality industrial operations typically remove the whey with mechanical separators that use centrifugal force.

The resulting whey is roughly as acidic as orange juice. It’s almost entirely made up of water, but scientists studying the whey say it contains five to eight percent other materials: mostly lactose, or milk sugar; some minerals; and a very small amount of proteins.

Some companies — including Chobani — are so desperate to get rid of acid whey that they'll pay farmers to take it. One farmer, Neil Rejman, mixes the acid whey in with his cow feed, but he can't use too much or everything turns liquidy and gross; "like dropping water on your pizza,” he says.

The good news is that there has been a yogurt summit (!) and our nation's finest Dairy Experts are hoping to solve the acid whey issue. Some options (besides cow feed) include extracting the protein for infant formula and converting the whey's lactose into methane that can generate electricity.

But we'd better come up with something quick: Greek yogurt is a $2 billion market and total yogurt production in New York has tripled since 2007. Picture acid whey spreading from town to town, eating everything in its path, like The Blob. As Modern Farmer's Justin Elliot writes, "the tidal wave of acid whey is not slowing down."

Whey Too Much: Greek Yogurt's Dark Side [Modern Farmer]

The Oldest Living American is an awesome 114-year-old lady named Jeralean Talley.

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:30:00 GMT

The Oldest Living American is an awesome 114-year-old lady named Jeralean Talley. She stays up 'til midnight and eats McDonald’s chicken nuggets. Click here to see her epic sunglasses and a catfish she caught last year.

Amanda Seyfried Misses Her 'Huge, Beautiful Breasts'

Meher Ahmad — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:10:00 GMT

I've always remembered Amanda Seyfried as Karen Smith from Mean Girls, namely because of Karen's "gift" of being able to predict weather with her breasts. Maybe not as complicated a character as Cosette in Les Mis, but we've all got our favorites.

Yesterday on Ellen, Seyfriend, who was on the cover of Allure's "Look Better Naked" issue in April (though she didn't actually go naked for any of the photos), talked about how she's happy with her naked body, though she feels a certain longing for her buxom breasts of yore:

I looked way better when I was fifteen. I had beautiful, huge breasts and then I came to Hollywood and I was like, "I've got to lose weight! I've got to look thin, and fit!" and then I lost them, a little bit.

On whether she'd want her D-cup back:

I don't miss them because they were quite uncomfortable. But they looked beautiful— I was feminine, I had some nice curves, and I think we should really appreciate that as opposed to trying to get rid of everything.

Word. Hopefully, her breasts can still tell whether its currently raining or not.

Homophobes Aren't, Like, Homophobic -- They're Just 'Pro-Straight'

Katie J.M. Baker — Thu, 23 May 2013 17:50:00 GMT

Homophobes have a branding problem. Most Americans now think gay sex is "acceptable" (how gracious of them) and thus are turned off by politicians and pundits who, say, compare homosexuality to pedophilia or generally think gay people are icky. Former National Organization for Marriage leader Maggie Gallagher has a genius solution: bring on the "Pro-Straight" Movement!

Gallagher recently penned a National Review op-ed regarding a growing societal problem: around six in ten Americans consider gay sex morally acceptable. Meanwhile, it's considered "scandalous" for an ESPN reporter to say that gay people "are walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ," or for a neurosurgeon to compare homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality. Man, do Americans have their priorities out of whack!

After grudgingly admitting that fewer and fewer people consider gay people inferior to straight people, Gallagher envisions a brave world in which "we can as a society eliminate cruel homophobia without jettisoning heteronormativity — which is the need for social norms and institutions to be oriented strongly around the problem and the blessing that sex between men and women makes babies." Think Progress wittily called her philosophy "Pro-Straight."

Nope, sorry. You can't wax nostalgic about the good ol' days when a man didn't have to be afraid to publicly compare a gay person to a pedophile. Although the MRAs and "White Power" folks will certainly welcome the Pro-Straight movement with open arms.

[Think Progress]

Image via Marriage Debate.

io9 Christopher Nolan explains how Watchmen paved the way for Man of Steel | Lifehacker The Post-Col

Lauren Bertolini — Thu, 23 May 2013 15:51:08 GMT

io9 Christopher Nolan explains how Watchmen paved the way for Man of Steel | Lifehacker The Post-College Survival Guide | Jalopnik Did The McLaren P1 Just Obliterate The Lap Record At The Nurburgring? | Deadspin ESPN Is Now Hiring. Young And Cheap May Apply.

Two Grown Men Reenact Conversation Between Dad and His 2-Year-Old Girl

Neetzan Zimmerman — Thu, 23 May 2013 12:30:58 GMT

Here's the setup: Filmmaker Matthew Clarke and another "full grown man" (David Milchard) reenact actual conversations Clarke has had with his two-year-old girl Coco Frances Harrison-Clarke.

If you're already laughing, just wait until you see the video.

[H/T: Tastefully Offensive]