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What If Doctor Who Had Beaten Buffy To Doing A Musical Episode? [Found Footage]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:17:27 PST

If Doctor Who had done a musical episode back in the early 1980s, it might have looked a bit like this. Producer John Nathan-Turner made the cast perform a yearly Cinderella pantomime, and here's one of the numbers.

Yes, it's the Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison, and his then-wife, Sandra Dickinson, doing a number from Cinderella to advertise their holiday pantomime appearance. (For the non-aficionados out there, pantomime is sort of very silly musical comedy aimed at kids, and has nothing to do with mime or French people whatsoever.) This bit appears on the "Enlightenment" DVD, out recently in the U.S., and is a tantalizing glimpse of Davison dancing and singing.

12 Successful SF Authors Who've Written Racy Fanfic [Romance 3000]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:37:05 PST

There's no love like the non-canonical love between two characters in a media science-fiction franchise. And there's no love like the love of writers for these pairings. A surprising number of established authors have dabbled in romantic or steamy fanfic.

Here's our list of established SF authors who've written romantic fanfic or slash fiction. Feel free to suggest others that we may have missed in the comments. At the same time, we've tried not to "out" anybody who wasn't open about their pursuit of fanfic or slash, and we'd ask you not to "out" anybody in comments either.

Marjorie M. Liu got her start writing X-Men fan-fiction, and she launched the Wolverine And Jubilee fansite. She became the author of the Dirk & Steele novels and the Hunter Kiss series, but she also wrote one official X-Men novel, Dark Mirror, and several X-Men comics, including NYX and Dark Wolverine (which she co-writes with Daniel Way.) She told the Internet Writing Journal,

I had been writing original fiction and poetry since I was tiny, but with fan-fiction, I could post it on the internet and no one knew who I was. It was purely anonymous. I wasn't being judged, or graded, or hemmed in — and wow, what a freeing experience. So in that sense, it helped my skills as a storyteller because I was able to experiment with different styles and ways of writing, without fear of retribution.

Eileen Gunn, "No Place To Raise Kids." A total classic Kirk-and-Spock-have-a-baby story.

They'd managed to conceal their affair from prying eyes, even on the mercilessly public stage that was the Enterprise. If, as he expected, Uhura knew, she had kept their secret. But, with the twins' gestation so near, there was nothing to do but jump ship, taking with them only the few props they could grab from the science officer's kip and, at the last minute, McCoy's black bag.

We asked Eileen how this story came to be, and she says,

I wrote "No place to Raise Kids" as a birthday present for my friend Victoria Garcia, who had recently discovered K/S slash, and was fascinated by what she said was "the most forbidden and awful" subset of slash: in which Kirk and Spock have a baby together. She wanted to read an entire anthology of this forbidden fiction for her birthday.

Della Van Hise, Killing Time. This one's sort of an odd case... according to many websites, Van Hise was a prolific writer of Kirk/Spock slash fiction, who managed to get Pocket Books to publish her novel. When one of Gene Roddenberry's people realized the novel was full of Kirk/Spock homoeroticism — plus, in an alternate universe created by the Romulans, McCoy is the slave of the Romulan praetor, with a collar — the novel was recalled. But not before 150,000 copies were shipped out.

Gayle Feyrer, "Desert Heat." Feyrer was one of the contributors to the Naked Times fanzine, and her Kirk/Spock tale is "One of the very first pon farr stories told in realistic detail, with an attention to fact and fantasy as well." She did her own illustrations, and according to Eileen Gunn, she created a Kirk/Spock paperdoll set which "included strange little alien strap-ons with paperdoll-clothing tabs on each side." She's published historical romances under her own name, and also as Taylor Chase.

Joanna Russ, various Kirk/Spock stories. According to Gunn, the author of The Female Man wrote at least two Kirk/Spock stories twenty years ago, one of which involved having a baby and one of which had to do with tribbles. She read them in public at a Seattle bookstore, but they don't seem to have seen print. Russ also lauded K/S fiction in her essay "Another Addict Raves About K/S" and in her book Magic Mommas, Trembling Sisters, Puritans & Perverts: Feminist Essays.

Sarah Rees Brennan and Cassandra Claire are two authors of Harry Potter fanfic (including some slash, I believe) who made the leap to becoming successful authors in their own right, and pulled their fanfic from the internet afterwards.

Naomi Novik, author of the amazing Temeraire series of novels, has been very public about writing slash fiction and is one of the main supporters of the Organization For Transformative Works, which supports fanfic authors.

Larry Niven, "Man Of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex" Perhaps the most famous work of speculative sex-writing about a media-owned character, Niven's dissection of the sex life between Superman and a certain woman, whom we'll call L.L., is also the scariest examination of superheroic sex ever. Niven explains exactly how many ways Superman's romantic ardor could kill someone, from orgasmic tremors to deadly super-sperm.

Cecilia Tan, founder of Circlet Press and author of acclaimed erotic science-fiction books including the Velderet, has also written some beloved Harry Potter slash stories, and frequently reads them at Boston-area conventions like Arisia. (Her stories include strange potions, weird animal transformations and the sexier side of Snape.) She's also written a very hot Batgirl story, if I remember correctly.

Lyda Morehouse, author of The Archangel Protocol and other LINK Angel novels, says she's written a lot of slash fiction — but most of it's about her own universe, written under a pseudonym.

Meljean Brook, "In Darkest Light." The author of the bestselling Guardians series wrote this story about Batman and Wonder Woman, including some fairly steamy passages where Bruce and Diana hook up:

Her warmth grabbed at him, clutched at him; he closed himself off from it. "The. Batman. Diana. Cold. Hard. Fucks. Unfeeling. No. Love." He punctuated each word with a powerful thrust into her. "Is this what you want from him?"

Brook wrote about her love of writing fanfic, and this attracted the ire of writer and anti-fanfic crusader Lee Goldberg.

Slashy images from Thyla.com, Adam Gorightly, and The Worst. Thanks to Debbie Notkin, Eileen Gunn, Lyda Morehouse and Cecilia Tan for help with this article!

How To Make Yourself Infamously Immortal [You Are Nemesis]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:00:00 PST

Your body will die, but your name can live on forever... Or for however long it'll take for people to forget about comic creator Mark Millar's next project. He's auctioning off the name of his Nemesis lead character for charity.

This will be the third time Millar has auctioned off the chance for someone to have a character in one of his comic books named after themselves; the lead in Kick-Ass was the first, and the cop antagonist of Nemesis the second. Now,he's offering the chance for someone to become Evil Batman, with proceeds going towards a school helping handicapped children in Scotland. Millar explained:

I had chosen a good secret identity for Nemesis himself, but it seems almost selfish not to auction this now too and possibly reach the halfway line the kids need for this bus. I'm amazed how much cash was raised the first time around, but am hoping the auction to name the title character raises even more. Dave Lizewski loves the fact he's the lead in the Kick-Ass comic, movie and upcoming video-game and I'm hoping whoever wins this new auction is equally delighted. A huge thanks to them for finding the cash in these difficult times.

With the bidding open for a day so far, the auction is still at a surprisingly low $539.99 at time of writing. Considering that Nemesis is most likely going to follow Wanted and Kick-Ass into much-hyped movie and multimedia mainstream mode, we're expecting (and, because it's for charity, hoping) bidding goes much higher before the auction ends February 11th.

Win The Title Role Iin Nemesis! [eBay]

Stan Lee Raises Our Hopes For An Edgar Wright Ant-Man Action Movie [Ant-Man]

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:47:17 PST

You may be excited about Edgar Wright's Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, but we're even more stoked about his much-rumored, Disney-produced Ant-Man film. And Stan Lee has once again ignited that excitement.

Today Stan Lee twittered three bits of Ant-Man news:

-
To make up for my previous grievous error, here's a little item that may have escaped you. Marvel is prepping a movie starring— Ant Man!

- I had lunch with the cool, young director Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead) and, as you'd imagine, we had fun discussing the tiny hero."

- Ant Man is just one of the many wild treats Marvel has planned for you, such as Iron Fist, Dr. Strange, Black Panther and more, more, more!"

Which leads us all to believe that the Ant-Man movie is, at the very least, finally being discussed in Hollywood. Granted, Lee and Wright are merely talking about the film, but we'd like to think there's some hope for the comic book movie adaptation, what with Lee taking to Twitter multiple times.

There's been so many rumors about this film. First, people speculated about Disney's, or maybe even Pixar's, involvement, which turned out to be more wishful thinking at the time.

Wright's interest, however been buzzed about for years. And it's good to see that 3 years later Lee and Wright are at least discussing the possibility of bringing Henry Pym to life. Though we bet it's going to be a long road until any decisions are made.

The Dude Abides . . . As An Alien [Illustration]

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:43:37 PST

Just because you're an alien doesn't mean you don't want to hang out and do normal crap, like wear a baseball hat . . . and, um, fold organic matter into geometric shapes.

David Jien is an artist whose work often deals with imagery borrowed from science fiction, fantasy, and videogames. Plus a giant dose of what can only be called mathematical psychedelia.

You can see more of his work on his website. [Spotted on SciFi-O-Rama]

"Alien As Leo And The Dude"
"Between Her And Ther" collaboration with Leo Eguiarte.
"Group At Level 2"
"Top Wizard 1"
"Untitled 2"

Nanobubbles: A New Weapon In The Fight Against Cancer? [Nanotechnology]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:56:28 PST

Scientists may be able to explode individual cancer cells — by implanting nanoparticles into the cells and then hitting them with lasers to create "nanobubbles," which can grow until they burst the cells.

Scientists at Rice University found that they could target individual cells with the "nanobubble" therapy, and tune the laser therapy, either creating small, bright bubbles that are easy to see — or, for diseased cells, larger bubbles that destroy the cell in question. The Rice researchers were able to use the technique to destroy leukemia cells and cells from head and neck cancers. They attached antibodies to the nanoparticles, so they would only target the cancer cells — and found that they were able to locate and destroy the cancer cells, leaving healthy cells undamaged.

This new research follows a study last year, in which scientists at the the Laboratory for Laser Cytotechnologies at the A.V. Lykov Heat and Mass Transfer Institute in Minsk, Belarus were able to use nanobubbles to destroy plaque cells blocking someone's artery.

Says the new study's lead author, Rice University physicist Dmitri Lapotko:

Single-cell targeting is one of the most touted advantages of nanomedicine, and our approach delivers on that promise with a localized effect inside an individual cell. The idea is to spot and treat unhealthy cells early, before a disease progresses to the point of making people extremely ill.

Adds Lapotko, "The bubbles would work like a jackhammer." [Rice University via Nanotechnology Now]

Chuck Vs. The Easy Way Out [Chuck Recap]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:00:00 PST

Well, if last week's Chuck clearly marked the darker direction for the rest of the season, last night's episode apparently didn't get the memo. Paranoia subplot: Over after going nowhere! Chuck selfloathing: Over after going nowhere! Spoilers and WTFs ahead.

On the plus side, last night's "Chuck Vs. The Mask" was completely missing Jeff and Lester, and may have finally convinced me that Hannah isn't yet another undercover spy waiting to pounce when the moment is right. On the minus side, there was everything else in the episode.

Okay, that's not entirely fair; taken on its own merits, it was fine - There were deathtraps (Two, in fact, although one of them turned out to be weirdly non-deathtrappy ("Oh, the computer has sealed off all of that airborne virus. Guess I'll just shoot my way out of here"?) and the idea that Chuck may have had to choose between saving Sarah or Hannah was never really an option, surprisingly) and very familiar badguys and fights and all, after all - but it all seemed to have come from a simpler, less interesting, time: To see a chipper Chuck after the end of last week's episode seemed like a reset, but maybe it was just an omen for the road the episode kept taking. I mean, Morgan and Ellie discovering Chuck with Hannah and deciding that this whole secret thing was because of a secret relationship (Wasn't Awesome acting weird before Hannah showed up? And how would a secret relationship explain all Chuck's disappearances for the last two years?)? Hannah forgiving Chuck for abandoning her the night before? Shaw's sudden (and successful) seduction of Sarah and Chuck's quick acceptance of it? Almost everything seemed way too easy and unsatisfying, as if the writers needed to get the characters to a certain place and didn't mind speeding up too much to do it.

(Also, I have to wonder why the show realizes that pointing out weaknesses in Chuck's cover just makes the CIA look incompetent. If Chuck's cover for all these missions is supposed to be that he's on Nerd Herd outcalls, why doesn't someone from the CIA just call the BuyMore and request Chuck for some fake job, thereby giving him an alibi?)

I've got no problem with all the soap opera in Chuck; the show has always been a weird hybrid of soap/comedy/spystuff. It's just that episodes like last night's make me wish that it was good soap opera. But what did the rest of you think?

Geekadelphia's Gore-Soaked Zombieland Screening [Geekadelphia]

Chris Braak — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:43:07 PST

Philadelphia's Trocadero Theater is the oldest operating 19th century theater in the US. Last night, it was invaded by zombies.

(from left to right: Jason Faris, George Faris, David Evans, and Karen Housman, in zombie regalia)

Monday night marked a confluence of modern geekage and Victorian architecture, as more than four hundred people showed up to see the Geekadelphia/Philly Zombie Crawl/Trocadero Monday Movie Night screening of Zombieland. People came in costume, there were prizes awarded and a raffle to be conducted, there was beer; it's hard to imagine a better way to spend a Monday night, especially if you like zombies.

The Trocadero is a venue that practically begs to be itself the set of a zombie movie: from the narrow, leaky stairway up to the balcony to the huge chandelier and scary baroque face carved over the stage's proscenium, everything about it suggests a kind of decaying grandeur.

The place is in excellent condition, of course, and it's a beautiful place to watch anything, but there's no denying that it's old-a relic of another era that is miraculously still around, and a perfect setting for Zombieland's tour through cannibal-maniac-ravaged America.

The folks from Geekadelphia have decorated the walls with signs illustrating the thirty-two rules describe in Zombieland; for the short but harrowing walk up to the balcony, they seem less like light-hearted shout-outs to the film's fans, and more like actual warnings. Once we attain the balcony bar, it seems more like a regular party-people of all manner and stripe are here and drinking, and about every tenth person is covered in some kind of faux-blood-and-gore for the zombie costume contest at intermission. The doors open at seven, and the movie won't start for another hour; no one is complaining.

I found Dan Tabor, one of the organizers from Geekadelphia, snapping pictures for the blog (that's him on the right; Matthew Bilik on the left). Dan, like many Philadelphia natives, grew up with the Troc as one of the best-known live music venues in the city. It was a natural choice of setting for a geek event in Philadelphia.

"That's the great thing about Geekadelphia," Dan says of his fellow organizers, "is we can take these things that people in Philadelphia have grown up with, and sort of make them our own."

His goal seems to be succeeding: the place is packed. This is the second screening that Geekadelphia has done at the Trocadero. The first one-for the Diablo Cody-penned Jennifer's Body-didn't go as well. Tabor attributes the difference to how soon and how effectively they got the word out; this time around, with the help of Philadelphia's Zombie Crawl initiative, word of the screening had spread like wildfire, a testament to the social media that has made something like this possible.

The movie starts, and the crowd is raucous and drunk, begging the question as to why more movie theaters don't serve three-dollar Pabst or (my preference) Yards' Pale Ale. No one enjoys a movie of any kind more than drunken geeks, and this crowd is no exception. I don't have much to say about the movie itself-there are plenty of reviews around-but if you haven't seen it, let's just say this: Romero has mined basically all there is to mine that's serious about the zombie premise, leaving Zombieland to take everything absurd and hilarious about the idea, distill it into a potent liqueur, and then smash it into your face with a banjo. It is a move that screams to be watched with friends, the more and more drunken the better.

The most startling aspect of the movie, however, is the irony of its main character (Columbus) as a stereotypical nerd-an neurotic misfit who is painfully antisocial. There's something strange about seeing Columbus on screen and recognizing him as a kindred spirit, despite the fact that I'm surrounded by four hundred other people who all think the same thing. Well, presumably-maybe that's still an old-fashioned idea? Something else that's a little surprising is how young the audience here is, compared to the last geek-gathering I went to (the PhilCon), where it was apparent that the mean age of attendees has been creeping slowly upwards.

The movie breaks after the hilarious celebrity cameo (a cameo that must go down in history as the best inclusion of a celebrity as himself in any movie, ever) so that we can do the costume contest. Geekadelphia has weighed themselves down with schwag; prizes are awarded left and right according to a set of criteria that is as opaque as it is irrelevant. There are copies of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls (not available to the non-zombie attired public until March) and Wolfman t-shirts to give away. They've got stacks of comic books, Daybreakers merchandise, and, inexplicably, a guitar.

The costumes range from some pretty impressive makeup effects like Danielle Elliot's—who's been perfecting her techniques at regularly-attended Philadelphia zombie crawls—to the inexplicable.

Riddle: how do you make a Dharma zombie? Answer: you need to land a radioactive meteorite on top of some electromagnetism. IT IS YOUR DESTINY. (Local beer expert Rachel Piot, blowing everyone's mind by drinking generic).

The audience is even noisier for the second half of the movie, because we've had the chance to stock back up on cheap beer during the intermission. Still, no one cares. By the end, Columbus has found his family, and it's plain that the old idea that geeks are socially-maladjusted outcasts needs to be put to rest for good.

Maybe it was true when we were kids. Dan Tabor agrees on that score. Growing up, "you were lucky if you knew three guys around your house who were into this stuff. Social media has changed that, though. It doesn't have the boundaries that it used to."

Instead, we can go with four hundred of our closest friends to a movie screening at an old Victorian theater where it is literally impossible to look out place—brought together by our love of watching zombies getting their faces smashed in.

Geekadelphia is Philadelphia's premiere geek blog

Philadelphia Zombie Crawl hopes to one day break the world record of zombie crawl attendance.

The Trocadero does movies on Monday nights. Tickets are three dollars which goes towards the purchase of your first drink, are you kidding me?

Chris Braak is an editor of lit & cult/ure blog Threat Quality Press, and emperor of the moon in exile. His credentials, accomplishments, and accolades are too numerous to list.

Your Tips: Lost in 1967, "Earthling," A Halo Around the Sun, and More! [Tuesdaytips]

Hena Mohayya — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:00:00 PST

Every week, we're going to round up the best tips that you post in io9's tips forum. This week, 1960s-style Lost opening credits, undercover aliens, Young Justice, Neill Blomkamp's extraterrestrial theories, and more.

If you want to post a tip, just click on the #tips link on our navigation bar, or include the word #tips in any comment, on any post, that you think is a good tip for the people who read and write io9.

Tip: What would Lost look like if it was set in the 1960s?
We're not quite sure, but thanks to Edot Achmejedidad, we at least know what the opening credits would look like.

Tip: Did you ever wake up to realize... that you're an undercover alien?
farfisasynth tells us about this independent film titled Earthling, set to come out this year:

After a mysterious atmospheric event, a small group of people wake up to realize that their entire lives have been a lie. They are in fact aliens disguised as humans. Now they have to make a choice. Live amongst men, or try to find a way back home.

Tip: Look forward to Young Justice League!

BullfightsOnAcid gives us some info:

It will feature Martian Girl, Aqualad, Nightwing, Impulse, Arrowette, and Connor Kent. It will be announced officially at Comic Con.

Tip: District 9 director Neill Blomkamp talks about life on other planets
Log1c tells us:

I caught this on /Film, but its a TEDx (the 'x' means independently organized) talk from Neill Blomkamp about what he thinks alien life will look like. Its actually very well presented, I've heard and read most of the points he makes but he adds some interesting visuals and presents in a very nice cohesive way. I recommend checking it out.

More here and watch the entire video here.

Tip: And in Dinosaur Related News...
You know, since dinosaurs are awesome:

Dinosaurs had vibrant colors via mamadragon49

Thousands of Dinosaur Footprints found in China via Bill-Lee

Tip: Roklimber's Science Picks for the Week
Some items submitted by Roklimber:

How butterflies got their spots
Evolution is a cute little thing.

NASA and GM take giant leap in robotic technology
Robots working side by side with humans? Oh, Second Renaissance...

Spooky sun halo over Cambodia [pictured at top of post]

Physicist proposes to teleport energy
Where's Porthos (Admiral Archer's dog) so we can test the transporter?

'Good' bacteria keep immune system primed to fight future infections
One bacterium a day keeps the doctor away...

Proof That Science Fiction Writers Get Better With Age [Chart Porn]

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:39:27 PST

Number-loving blogger John Redford had a simple question: Do SF writers get better as they age? To find out, he studied the average age that authors won prestigious Hugo Awards, and created this chart.

He also looked at the typical amount of time between when an author started publishing, versus when she or he won a Hugo. Redford writes:

The youngest winner was Roger Zelazny at age 29 for "This Immortal", the oldest were Vinge, Clarke, and Asimov at 63, and the average age is 45. The shortest interval from first-published-work to award was again Zelazny at 4 years, while the longest was Asimov at 44 for "Foundation's Edge". No surprise there – Zelazny burst on the scene like a nova, and Asimov was a star for generations. The average time from start to award was 17 years. Quite a few people had late starts – having first published in their mid-30s – and still won. I would say that the author who changed the most from his early work to his winning novel was Frederick Pohl, whose 1978 "Gateway", written when he was 61, is quite different from his famous 50s satires like "The Space Merchants".

Overall, then, it looks like writers do improve with age, at least up to 20 years or so into their careers.

Good news for those of us who started writing science fiction in our, ahem, later years.

via A Niche In The Library of Babel

Has The Next Stargate SG-1 Movie Been Cancelled? [Stargate]

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:23:59 PST

Has the classic Stargate been shuttered forever? You'd think MGM and NBC/Universal would welcome another Stargate direct-to-DVD movie after fans greeted the first two with open wallets. But sadly, Michael Shanks says another SG-1 film might be DOA.

In an interview with Sci Fi Wire, Michael Shanks, who played Dr. Daniel Jackson for 10 years with recurring roles on SGA and even a cameo in the SGU new recruit informational video, delivered some sad news.

"Given the amount of time lag that's gone on between us doing the movies, I suspect that we might be very far away from, if ever, doing another DVD movie....This might be the closing of the book on that particular [chapter of the] franchise."

"I think everybody's moving on to a certain point," he told the site. "And with the new show doing well, everybody's focusing their attention on that. The SG-1 idea is somewhat on the back burner, which is a little bit unfortunate, because I think one more story would have been a great way to bring Rick [Richard Dean Anderson, Jack O'Neill] back in and really go there. But you know, business is business."

This is sad news as I truly feel that Continuum was the first time, in a long while, that SG-1 really dove into the old classic-series characters. Also what does this mean for the Stargate Atlantis movies? Are they on the chopping block as well?

Actor David Hewlett's twitter twitter mentions that he's currently at work on a Syfy TV movie, but we have a feeling it's more "Syfy original" than a SGA epic film.

Dear Stargate showrunners, please don't let McKay slip through your fingers. He's one excellent direct-to-DVD adventure away from showing all the SGU kids how to get things done.

Samuel Delany's 70-Year Romance Novel Coming This Fall [Samuel R. Delany]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:58:14 PST

You think your love affair is long lasting? Your romance is but an eyeblink compared to that of the characters in Samuel R. Delany's new novel — which is finally coming out this fall.

When we interviewed Delany a while back, he was excited about his new novel, Through The Valley Of The Nest Of Spiders, but didn't yet have a publisher or release date. He described it to us:

In a way, it's a very simple story, just about two working-class gay men, who meet when they're seventeen and nineteen, living on the coast of Georgia. They meet in 2007, and they stay together for the next 80 years, until one of them dies. Now you tell me whether that's science fiction or not. It definitely goes into the future, but on the other hand, they're absolutely out of the center of life, and things progress where they live, very very slowly. And they hear about things that are going on outside. They live on coastal part of Georgia in a little town that does go through cycles of being a semi-popular tourist spot in the summers, and then some years, nobody bothers to come at all. Eventually they move to a little island off the coast, and a little lesbian art colony starts up on the island. And they wonder if they're not being crowded out of their new home. But they're very fond of some of the people who live there, and some of the people who live there are very fond of them.

Delany just appeared on the Cover To Cover podcast, and revealed that Nest Of Spiders is coming out this fall, from Alyson Books. Writes Matthew Cheney:

It was the first time I'd publicly heard the release date of Chip's new novel, Through the Valley of the Nest of Spiders, which is scheduled to be releaed in November from Alyson Books, where the great Don Weise, who was the editor for Dark Reflections, is now the publisher. A version of part of the new novel appeared in Black Clock 7 a few years ago, and Chip read some of it aloud at Readercon this past summer. It tells the story of the relationship of two men, starting in 2007 and continuing for about seventy years into the future.

So now I guess it's 70 years, rather than 80 years. In either case, I'm still dying to read this novel.

Feathered Dinosaurs Are Theory - Not Fact! [Dinosaurs]

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:01:56 PST

If all your Ray Harryhausen dreams have been crushed by recent news that dinosaurs actually had fluffy, cute feathers, then we have the online protest campaign for you. Those who refuse to believe in dino feathers have their own stickers!

As the campaigners write: "Dinosaurs are naked, leathery killing machines. They're not Brazilian Carnivale queens." Since pictures speak more loudly than roaring, feathered dinos, here is their latest propaganda:

Get a sheet of four stickers you can print out here.

via IHeartChaos

Bruce Wayne Gets His Caveman, Pilgrim, Pirate and Cowboy On [Return Of Bruce Wayne]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:30:00 PST

Yes, these are the Batmen you've been looking for. DC has released the first four covers for their upcoming Return of Bruce Wayne series, featuring the original Batman in all manner of different time-appropriate outfits. Click for full-size genius.

[The Source]

Heroes' Season Finale Beats Jay Leno's Ratings... Barely. [Heroes]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:00:00 PST

Heroes "failed to see a bounce" for its story's climax, says Variety. The show got 4.4 million viewers, barely beating the 4.3 million who tuned into Jay Leno's almost-final 10 PM show. But Heroes still might get a fifth season.

Various TV blogs are pointing out that the show does well overseas, and sells a lot of DVDs. Plus there's a crucial factor: The show now has 77 episodes, and one more season would bring it up to the magic number of 100 episodes, allowing it to run in syndication forever. (Although the counter-argument is that Heroes is so serialized that it won't work all that well in syndication, which depends on people being able to pick up a random episode and understand what's going on.)

Also, NBC President of Primetime Entertainment Angela Bromstad told reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour that "Heroes is a show that we obviously really love," and it was doing well in the 8 PM slot. (It moved to 9 PM after Chuck came back.) She added that the network would make its decisions after seeing new pilots. Also, when Comcast announced it was buying NBC/Universal, CEO Brian Roberts "gave a verbal shout-out" to Heroes on the investor conference call.

TV By The Numbers, a couple weeks ago, was a bit more gloomy:

Heroes has had its ratings ups and downs this season, but lately, they've been all down. Since the new year it's had adults 18-49 ratings of 2.2, 2.1, 1.8 and 1.9 (prelim). It's going to take some really super powers to get its ratings back enough to save it from being canceled, and its only got a few episodes left this season to do it.

Suffice to say, the show's ratings (2.0 for the last episode) didn't really pick up.

Tim Robbins Helps Bring The Daddy Issues To Green Lantern [Green Lantern]

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:30:00 PST

The Green Lantern cast is finally coming together. The latest addition: Tim Robbins as the disapproving father of one of the film's many villains — a character who's not in the comics. Spoilers ahead...

According to Heat Vision:

Robbins will play Senator Hammond, the disapproving father of the movie's villain, Dr. Hector Hammond (Peter Sarsgaard), who becomes infused with psychic powers.

While Senator Hammond isn't in the comic books, he is mentioned in the screenplay we reviewed a while back. The son and villain in question, Dr. Hector Hammond, performs an autopsy on a dead alien Green Lantern, Abin Sur, who passed on the ring to Hal Jordan right before his passing. The alien infects Dr. Hammond with superpowers, making him an amazing telepath. Unfortunately, it's with these gifts that Hammond realizes everyone, including his own father, hates him. So there's nothing left to do than destroy Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern and everyone else, out of spite.

Also of note, Robbins' character is also an ex-pilot and the guy in charge of deciding on funding for the aircraft company where Hal works. While we're still having a hard time picturing Sarsgaard as an evil mind reader, we can see Robbins in just about anything. Hopefully he'll level out the cast, and help make us all really hate villainous Sarsgaard and understand the casting for Blake Lively as love interest (and potential future villain) Carol Ferris.

To Get No Valentines . . . Would Be A Disaster!!! [This Is A Disaster]

Garrison Dean: R.O.A.C.H. — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:00:00 PST

When io9 asked me if I could break away from my busy schedule of being awesome and create some disastrous Valentines . . . How could I say no? I love you all, and dammit you deserve it!!!

So view these, send these, or print them out and leave them in the box on the desk of that cute girl in your class who one day you'll be much cooler and more successful than, but for now, she's all you can think about. ROMANCE... IT'S A DISASTER!!! Click on all for enlargement.

Love sees no boundaries It goes beyond sex, race, religion, and even species. Though Wickus's wife might have something to say about that.

Hey pal, I'll open my pod bay doors for you anytime. wait.

While on the topic of Video Games and love, can we all just agree that Motion Sensitive controllers really aren't being put to their best use? C'mon Japan, we have enough dating sims... get on that!!! (and yes I pondered quite some time as to which effect/affect to use)

Hill people need love too.

Had to throw in this message from my friend, the supreme leader of ROACH, The Potentate. Sorry for the intrusion.

I don't care what timeline you're in, everyone loves Valentines Day. Though Sawyer may take this one off, what with Juliet, well you know. OR IS SHE?!!?! DUH DUH DUUHHHHH!!!!!

I did some research and apparently Directive #5 is "Snuggle". Go figure.

Yeah. This Valentine's Day when you are sitting at the end of a quiet dinner with your special someone and they longingly look at you and softly declare "I love you". Be a badass. Say the right thing.

Who doesn't want to end with Zombies?!

Have a good Valentines day and remember... Sure, it's a shitty Halmark holiday and we've all had our fair shares of lonely, depressed, angry, V-Day's by ourselves playing Riven, or seeing a movie alone, or just drinking until we call the ex and beg to come over for one last mistake. But keep your chin up, the right person is out there for you, you will find happiness. Cause a life without love... It's a Disaster.

This is Garrison Dean saying you all are the best.

Do Alien Creatures Based On Earth Animals Get Your Goat? [Zoomorphism]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 09:30:00 PST

What's with the preponderence of cat-women, lizard-men, rhino-dudes and Prawns among aliens in science fiction? Heather at the Galaxy Express argues we need to curb our "zoomorphism" or at least find ways to make animal-based aliens more alien. [Galaxy Express]

Neither Snow Nor Sleet Can Stop This Week's Comics - Or Can They? [Comics We Crave]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 09:00:00 PST

Will there be comics this week? Maybe: Diamond's HQ has been without power thanks to the East-Coast snowpocalypse, meaning some shipments may be delayed. But if comics arrive, they'll include assassin monkeys and the men who try to stop them.

Let's get the most officially titled new release off the list first. New SF anthology Science Fiction & Fantasy Illustrated launches from Zenescope, the same people who like their readers' girlfriends to cosplay their hearts out. And let's just say that we expect lots of, uh, "sexy" science to be on display therein. If by "science," you mean "cleavage and ass."

A somewhat different view of the female form can be found in the debut of X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back, a new mini-series starring the X-Men's latest teenage focal point, by the sadly-shortened Runaways team of Kathryn Immonen and Sara Pitchelli. That's just one of a number of unusual Marvel Comics launches this week - There's also Tales of The Pet Avengers, the return of the animal superhero team (Do dragons count as animals?), and Hit-Monkey, a Deadpool spin-off featuring a hitman who just so happens to be a monkey. High concept? We think so.

If you'd rather read about those who seek to prevent assassinations, then DC's new Human Target series - which, it should be noted, is not coming out from the Vertigo imprint and isn't connected to the Peter Milligan series that we all love, but instead is closer to the television show - may be up your alley. But we'd recommend the Brave and The Bold: Milestone collection, collecting the recent issues of DC's team-up title, guest-starring characters from the sadly defunct Milestone imprint, instead.

There's all manner of goodies to be found in the indie releases, including the first collection of Boom!'s epic heroic fantasy The Anchor, as well as the first collection of their movie spin-off 28 Days Later. Dynamite have Legendary Talespinners - which promises to be a Fables-esque story about characters from classic stories existing in the modern world - and IDW have From The Ashes, collecting the dark comedy about why the apocalypse will really suck.

As good as they all are, however - and From The Ashes is a fun, cynical read, especially - the book of the week is Dark Horse's Mesmo Delivery, collecting mini-comics by Brazilian creator Rafael Grampá that have to be seen to be believed: Beautiful art and sly writing combine for a particularly unique experience.

Presuming Diamond's website comes back online, you might find a shipping list here, and snow or no snow, your local comic book store can always be found here. If you don't hear for us for awhile, we've gone to Maryland to try and rescue Diamond. Send help.

Dark Knight's Nolan To Reboot Superman? [Superman]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:30:06 PST

Superman is preparing for a cinematic rebirth, and the man behind The Dark Knight is playing midwife. At least, that's the interesting new theory being reported by Nikki Finke, who's saying that Chris Nolan will reboot the Man of Steel.

According to Finke, Warner Bros. has asked Nolan to "play godfather" on a reboot of the Superman movie franchise that will not include Bryan Singer or Brandon Routh, but rather start afresh, a la Nolan's own Batman Begins. The project is said to be in "early development," with Finke claiming that Nolan is currently busy working on the third Batman movie with brother Jonah and David Goyer.

DC is expected to announce new plans for movie and media development following the official formation of DC Entertainment within the next few weeks.

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's Chris Nolan! He'll Mentor Superman 3.0 And Prep 3rd Batman [Deadline Hollywood]

Soderbergh Infects A-List Actors Damon And Winslet In New Outbreak Film [Contagion]

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 PST

Steven Soderbergh must be awfully excited about his infectious new film Contagion. The director has pushed this flick to the top of his to-do list and snagged some of Hollywood's most prominent actors for his "Traffic meets Outbreak" feature.

The Playlist is reporting that Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Marion Cotillard have all been cast in the new Soderbergh film Contagion.

Soderbergh dreamed up the idea on the set of The Informant with screenwriter Scott Z. Burns, who also penned The Bourne Ultimatum. The idea was based around the theory of how one little sneeze can change the world, and sounds familiar to the director's past work on Traffic. But this time, instead of cocaine, it's a disease.

Sources tell the Playlist that the script is truly terrifying and takes place over four separate continents. Fingers crossed for some good old fashioned Ebola black puke and bloody tears, we missed our plague pictures.

Marvel Makes Avengers Announcement Secret [Avengers]

Graeme McMillan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 07:30:00 PST

Continuing the slow drip of announcements about Marvel Comics' new Avengers status quo after the current Siege storyline, the publisher yesterday unveiled the creators and title of a new series... and purposefully didn't unveil one of the series' stars.

The first "I Am A Secret Avenger" teaser follows the pattern set by last week's "I Am An Avenger" teases - White background, figure in foreground next to a declarative statement and "I Am A(n)" above the logo of the series in question - with one major difference: The figure in question is in silhouette only. Why? Because he's a secret Avenger, of course - and because this kind of guessing game only works to get fans more curious, vocal and excited about the series before its debut.
The gimmickry is unnecessary; Secret Avengers will be written by Ed Brubaker - who'll always have "AKA The Man Who Killed Captain America" after his name in our hearts, even if it was revealed that Cap wasn't really dead - and drawn by Dark Avengers' Mike Deodato, which ensures a certain level of quality based on both men's track records. Sure, we don't know what the concept behind the series is yet, but given the title and both creators' histories, we're expecting something along the lines of a darker side to Marvel's new Heroic Age status quo, and we're fine with that.

For those keeping track, this will be the third Marvel team to turn "Secret": The Defenders was relaunched as The Secret Defenders in the late 1990s, and New Warriors made a comeback as Secret Warriors - itself also a play on Secret Wars/Secret War - last year. "Secret" is the new "Dark." Which was, in turn, the new "New".

Secret Avengers launches in May, and as far as we're concerned, the silhouette in the teaser is definitely the Black Panther.

Terminator Rights Are Sold... But Not To A Movie Studio [Terminator]

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 07:00:00 PST

The Terminator movie rights were finally sold at auction today, and both Lionsgate and Sony were outbid by a hedgefund. Halycon sold Arnold and friends for $29.5 million, to their debtholders Pacificor — the same company Halycon sued for extortion.

Deadline Hollywood is reporting that when the auction ended last night a furious Sony and unhappy Lionsgate gave up after the final Pacificor bid for the Terminator movie and TV rights.

In exchange for the keys to Skynet, Halycon will receive $5 million for every Terminator movie made from now on, as well as some holdings in future revenues streams from Terminator 3 and Terminator 4. Interestingly enough another agreement was made that terminated the debt that Halycon owed Pacificor and the rest of their creditors. But all of this could change in bankruptcy court.

This all seems very strange when you go back and read the original lawsuit filed against Pacificor, wherein Halycon accused the fund of multiple things including trying to force the film Terminator Salvation over budget so that Halycon would default and Pacificor could purchase the rights. Which looks like what just happened. Also Halycon was asking for $30 mil in damages, while Terminator sold for around $29.5 million.

Still, this all will have to be sorted out in court. But since the studios lost rights to the franchise in the auction, does this just mean even more time until another stab is taken at a Terminator film? We can only assume that everything will be put on hold until all the legal details are ironed out. Plus, you have to imagine that other studios might be exceedingly nervous about getting involved in this sticky situation anytime soon, so it may be many years until we see another Terminator.

Welcome To The Bestiary, Where Wifi-Enabled Creatures Get Psychotherapy [Toys]

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:30:00 PST

Two weeks ago, I trudged up a steep San Francisco hill through pouring rain, then went through a strange door into another world. A world full of brightly-colored creatures who live in Neon Monster, a toy store and therapeutic bestiary.

I had come to witness the birth of plush toy Mitch, a one-eyed creature who has lived for a very long time and has become a little neurotic over the years. Things are hard for Mitch because he has no mouth, and yet his constant companion is a creature called Mouth who speaks for him - and frequently lies about what Mitch really wants to say. No wonder Mitch is in therapy with Dr. Darwin Dayglow, a kindly psychotherapist who runs the The Facility where Mitch lives with other creatures in the bestiary.

Mitch is the second toy from this bestiary created by the team at Neon Monster, who have done some serious worldbuilding to explain the oddball group of monsters who are under Dr. Dayglow's care. At Neon Monster, I talked to store proprietors Kristy Klinck and Jacob Pritzker about their new plush creature as well as his backstory, which was generated by a group that included story-spinners (and Neon Monster co-founders) Isaac and Jacob Pritzker. Design input came from artists Lauren Venell and Reuben Rude.

First I met the main players. There's Mitch, whose plushy little face you could have sitting next to you on your desk right now if you order one. And there's Circuitous Psnail, the glowing guy you see below, who likes to draw giant psychedelic shapes out of snail goo on the walls of The Facility. (He's available as a resin toy.) Then there's Robotephant, who is a semi-cyborg who also serves as a recording device and memory bank. And Panoptes is a security system - a collection of eyeballs linked via ecotoplasm. I'm already pleased at how this universe is cute and gentle, while also containing all the trappings of the surveillance state. The cute panopticon is a concept whose time has come.

"All of these creatures are analog," Pritzker explained to me, gesturing at Mitch's back knobs. "They are all on a closed, biotech network so they can communicate with each other wirelessly."

"They're also in danger - people might want to poach them," Klinck added. "They stay at The Facility for safety."

We discussed how the creatures are basically DiY biotech, and that an important part of the aesthetic is that they don't always work right. They're missing some parts, or they break. Dayglow finds them and brings them to the Facility to give them psychiatric care, and prevent the outside world from taking advantage of them.

"It's possible that they evolved this way, or that they were created," Klinck said, adding that it was important to them to be sure the creatures wouldn't be cutsey, but instead "dark, real world."

Brothers Isaac and Jacob brainstormed elaborate backstories for all the creatures, which are documented on the Neon Monster Bestiary website. Like many modern toy makers, it was important to the Neon Monster team that people relate to the creatures within a story, and to view them as a group. Isaac is going to continue the creatures' stories via Dayglow's therapy sessions with them, and will be filling out "case histories" on the Bestiary website (some are already completed). Toys with psychiatric problems is also, it seems to me, an idea whose time has come.

Want to snuggle up with Mitch and help him deal with his communication issues? You can order a soft, cuddly Mitch toy here ($39.95), and the limited-edition albino version is here ($49.95).

Mitch is the cute-but-glum star of the show.
It's Mitch, and the limited-edition albino version of Mitch!
The Mouth, who speaks (usually incorrectly) for Mitch.
The Facility where everybody lives.
Circuitous Psnail!
It's Dr. Darwin Dayglow, who is here to help all the strange monsters.
Panoptes is watching you.
Robotephant remembers everything.

Major Villain Hints For Ghostbusters 3 And Transformers 3! [Morning Spoilers]

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:00:00 PST

Sources may have uncovered the main villain of Ghostbusters 3. Meanwhile, a Transformers villain may be coming back. Lost's Evangeline Lilly reveals the "main man" in Kate's life. Christopher Lloyd comes to Chuck! Plus The Wolfman and Fringe spoilers!

Ghostbusters 3:

So now it's been confirmed (sort of) that Venkman will be a ghost in the film. And there are rumors swirling about the movie's villain. As recently as last summer, says Cinematical, the central mythology of the film was based around the ancient religion of Zoroastrianism, which features a war between good and evil. And evil is personified by Ahriman, the god of darkness and destroyer of good. Even if it's true that the film still revolves around Zoroastrianism, it's still not clear if Ahriman is actually the villain, but it's possible that Ahriman plays a similar role to Gozer in the first film, unleashing evil spirits. [Cinematical]

Transformers 3:

Tony Todd, who voiced the Fallen in the last movie, says he's already been told he'll be back in this one — but will he be playing the Fallen? Or a new character? [Den Of Geek via TFW2005]

The Wolfman:

Hugo Weaving says he's not sure if he'll be in the sequel — if any — but it sounds, at least, like his character doesn't die in this one. He says his character, Aberline, "is based, pretty loosely, on Detective Inspector Aberline, who headed up the White Chapel murders of 1889, which became known as the Jack the Ripper murders." And Emily Blunt says her character has a "forbidden" love with Del Toro's character, because she used to be with his brother. And because she couldn't save her fiance, she made it her mission to save the brother. [IESB]

Lost:

Nestor Carbonell says we'll find out who the Hostiles are, and explains what's coming next:

There are some amazing twists this season. You're going to see elements of characters that I never thought I'd play for my character and I think others didn't expect to play them in their own characters. There are going to be emotional highs and lows for people that you've never seen. With respect to alliances, there's going to be a lot of movement and fluctuations. There will be loyalty, but there's going to be a lot of shifting and power struggle, which is always at play. Everyone's mettle is tested in this final season. It's the payoff season where all of those loose ends, or most of them, will be tied. A lot of those big conflicts will be resolved.

And he says Richard Alpert's been insecure this whole time, always being an adviser rather than a leader and often being in conflict with the leaders he's served. He wants redemption for the atrocities he's been a part of, and he wants answers. [TV Guide]

In tonight's episode, Kate and Sawyer will share a heartbreaking scene on the end of a dock (probably right after Sawyer drops Juliet's engagement ring into the water) and another one inside a house, which might turn some Skaters into Jewelers. Kate will see how deep Sawyer's feelings for Juliet really go. Also, Jack tries to kill himself — sort of — but it may not be intentional. Also, Rousseau and "the Infection" become factors once again. Also, in the alt-universe, Kate and Claire spend some quality time together, and we see that Kate may be destined to be part of Aaron's life even without crashing on the island — but the same may be true of someone else. Also, an old "frenemy" will reappear. [E! Online]

Evangeline Lilly feels like Kate has exhausted her romantic possibilities with both Jack and Sawyer on the Island, but in the alt-universe, they've got a blank slate and can start all over again. And the "man of Kate's life now is Aaron. And I think he takes precedence over both of those men." (Really?) And Matthew Fox hints that we'll keep seeing alt-Jack having "glimpses or flashes of something forgotten." [Doc Arzt]

Hiroyuki Sanada explains that his character, Dogen, is a doctor, who's been on the Island for a long time, and now he's kind of a temple master. (And don't forget, Dogen was the name of a great Zen master, so he joins Locke, Faraday and various other symbolically named characters.) [IGN]

Two-thirds of the way through filming the season, there are already a lot of casualties, says Michael Emerson, who seriously doubts Ben will survive to the end of the series. [NBC Chicago via SpoilersLost]

Here's another promo for tonight's episode:

So you noticed the smoke monster didn't kill Ben when it killed everyone else inside the statue last week. Michael Emerson says there's a good reason that the smoke monster can't kill Ben. And Jacob's agenda is definitely more complicated than we know. [Fancast]

Chuck:

Christopher Lloyd will guest star as Dr. Leo Dreyfus, a CIA psychiatrist who provides therapy for spies and ex-spies, in episode 3x16. [ChuckTV]

Also, this show will have a two-hour season finale, as the last two episodes of the season air back to back from 8 to 10 PM on Monday, May 24. [ChuckTV]

Fringe:

Now that Olivia's seen the "glimmer" on Peter, that moment is going to weigh heavily on Walter, say the producers. He's going to owe Olivia an explanation, and sort of brings her up to speed in a "really great episode." The way Walter and Olivia agree to deal with the situation is really interesting and will intrigue the fans. Also, they hint strongly that Olivia won't tell Peter what she knows about him, and Peter may never find out — but this could be "another brick" between the two of them. [OliviaAndPeter]

Additional reporting by Mary Ratliff.

Goodbye, Heroes, Goodbye [Heroes Recap]

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:36:24 PST

Tonight is the last episode of Heroes. Ever. I have nothing to drink but mint tea. I'm joined by two tea-drinking friends, and my cat Space, who is now out of her TV writing job. Will all the heroes die?

The title of our very last episode is "Brave New World." A world without Heroes is like a land with a king! I mean, it's like a future without Fordism! Wait - erm - no.

It's a bad sign that Samuel's fake Irish voiceover introduces the episode. And of course we begin deep inside a giant plothole, which is also a real hole where HRG and Claire have been buried by Samuel's dirt powers. Why are they yelling for help instead of digging? Lauren is standing right on top of them, and despite the fact that she knows about the dirt powers she isn't at all curious about the giant mound of new dirt under her feet in the shape of a bus.

Meanwhile, Parkman is surprised in media tomato by the Xerox guy, who is there to stop Sylar and Peter. Turns out that all the xerox versions of Xerox have no minds and so Parkman can't control them. Plus, even though Parkman can't punch the xeroxes, they can stab him with all the zillions of knives he has lying around to cut up that tomato for dinner. See what being a househusband gets you?

Samuel is back at the carnival giving his followers yet another lame attempt at a Magneto speech, where he says that everybody should worship them, and that he'll force everybody to respect them by pulling back a curtain or something. They're in the middle of Central Park, and the carnies are wearing tutus of death. Also, Edgar the knifey one is skulking around. I thought they were all scared of Samuel, but suddenly they're like, "Yeah! He's this awesome guy and we're totally down with his 'they should worship us' plan!"

Now Samuel is going to use Puppetmaster to force Emma to play the cello. "I've always had a thing for blonds," Puppetmaster remarks. Great. Another brilliant blond joke. This is our signal that Emma and Claire have totally changed places. Save the blond and save the world!

But back at the ranch, Parkman is feeling resentful about how Sylar and Peter are going off to be heroes while he has to stay home and make ratatouille. He's getting all accusatory about how Sylar murdered a bunch of people. Can't he just get over all that stuff?

"I'm not that person anymore, Matt - I know it's hard to understand," Sylar explains.

Um, yeah. None of us in the audience understand it either. Why are you not that person anymore? Because you read a book by Ken Follett? Because you've had like twenty incoherent character transformations throughout this show so you might as well have another one? Whatever. Let's focus on something else.

Peter grabs Parkman's power, reads Xerox's mind, and discovers that Samuel is going to "open up the earth" in Central Park. Doesn't that sound sort of grandiose and medieval magic powers-ish? "Open up the earth"? That's one of the lines in this episode that my cat Space wrote. Her brother Time helps with the dialogue sometimes too. But unfortunately Space and Time are fighting right now, so Time is locked in the bedroom and can't comment.

And we're back to the plothole. Claire can't dig her way out of the bus without taking all the oxygen and killing pops. "Samuel put you down here to watch me die," he says, gasping. Oh noes! The one watchable relationship in the entire show is going to end in somebody dying?

Before he can leave the hospital in his healed-up state, Hiro discovers that Charlie is in the hospital too - but she's aged 65 years. Turns out Samuel stranded her in 1944 and she's dying now. She still looks pretty damn cute, actually. But of course Hiro is bummed out. Hasn't he ever seen Harold and Maude?

Can I just say every second of this show is making me glad that I will never have to see it again? Though it would suck if HRG died. Apparently he has no plan, other than to tell Claire the "whole truth" about how "everything that has happened to me has made me who I am." So we're about to have a moment of existentialism? Oh actually not. We're going to have a moment of closety feelings. HRG is bummed that everybody is going to find out about the specials from Samuel - he thinks people will turn on people like Claire. "It's human nature," he says. Once more with the "I need to protect you" stuff, and once more with the Claire pout over not being able to hurl herself off buildings in front of the whole world.

Sylar is trying to explain to Parkman how he repented for everything in the five-year nightmare of bad novels and comic books in empty New York. To prove it, there's going to be double-Parkman head penetration with Sylar, so that Parkman can be convinced that Sylar has become good. ZOOM INTO MY EYES AND STICK YOUR THROBBING HEAD POWERS INTO ME. Apparently, however, looking inside Sylar's head isn't enough because Parkman can't see into Sylar's "heart." Huh? Maybe they need a way to penetrate Sylar's heart too. Or maybe his fudge parts. Mmmm, fudge. Why do I only have this crappy mint tea and no chocolate???

Here comes Rainbow Brite with her evil cello! Everybody in New York has come to the park to listen to her, and Edgar is sharpening his knives. Apparently there are TV cameras too. They've invited the news! Because, um, news people have nothing better to do than visit a carnival in Central Park?

Back in the plothole, HRG is talking more about how he's the product of his experiences. He tells Claire that she's one of his experiences and she's crying and it's kind of sweet. His dying wish is that Claire stay hidden, pass, and blend in. But then, before he dies, Claire starts digging again and water gushes out of the dirt - and it's Tracy! How did she find them when Lauren couldn't? Who the hell knows. I told you they were in a plothole.

How do they get HRG out? How does Tracy breathe? A bunch of swirly water zooms around and then somehow they get out of 30 feet of dirt. Swirly! Whirly! Whee! Luckily Lauren used her Sprint phone to call a chopper, which is free with unlimited data service!

Hiro is going to go back to 1944 to rescue Charlie, but for some reason Ando thinks that's a bad idea, even though Charlie wasn't supposed to live in the 40s anyway. Why is there always some bullshit reason why Hiro can't use his powers to be happy yet again? Seriously he's already mucked up the timeline so much that this wouldn't be a very big deal.

Also, let's consider how the Puppetmaster is controlling Emma in Central Park right now (where HRG and Claire and Co have just arrived in the Sprint chopper). Doesn't cello playing require skill? So is he controlling her every finger movement or what? Seriously I thought they were out of the plothole, but no. By the way, this entire scene in the carnival was written by Space. She's so excited that she's licking everybody's hands. See how her eyes are dark and empty? They used to be bright blue before she became a TV writer.

Here come Peter and Sylar in their awesome jackets! Wow, everybody is at the carnival - all of New York City, plus a whole bunch of our main characters. While Sylar goes to rescue Emma, Edgar the knife guy grabs HRG. And . . . for some reason, Puppetmaster is able to control Sylar before Sylar can rescue Emma. WTF? Isn't Sylar totally superpowered??? Let me guess - he's going to have to become evil again to be badass enough save the day. Sigh. Let's watch a Sprint ad.

Back at the carnival, everybody has sparkly outfits and Claire is trying to convince the specials that Samuel is going to kill everybody as his "coming out party." It will be like Stonewall, except with giant earthquakes and cello death. Luckily, Edgar knows that Samuel is evil, and he's teaming up with HRG to kill old dirt boy before things get really quakey.

For some reason Charlie doesn't want to go back to the past and be Hiro's girlfriend because she doesn't want to destroy her children and grandchildren. Oh who cares about her stupid grandchild. It's temporal recycling to kill her off. It's fine.

You know how Hiro said, "My hero's journey has come to an end?" Space wrote that! My cat is such a great writer. She's also really cuddly. You'd like her.

"I am here to save her," says Sylar about Emma. Wow, he's finally saving somebody who is blond - it's like the cheerleader thing, except stupid! Except he's a hero, which is good! Or something! Five years of boring nightmare therapy have really helped Sylar become a better guy. Here's a question we all have about the nightmare world: Did they have bathrooms? Maybe Sylar is like this because he didn't go to the bathroom for like five years.

Claire is trying to explain to the carnies that "you give Samuel his power." Without them, "he'll be weak and ordinary." Except - um - when he was without all the carnies to help him, he still managed to suck an entire mansion into the earth and kill his brother with dirt clods. So I'm not really buying this whole "he'll be nothing without you" line.

Now HRG, Edgar, and Xerox are confronting Samuel about killing his brother and trying to kill all of New York. Here comes Peter too. Ohhhh, dirtfight with Peter and Samuel! Seriously the worst special effects ever. It's like Tremors without the good writing. "They have to fear us! That's the only way they'll respect us!" Then Samuel tries to bond over hating their older brothers.

And Hiro is going to stop the earthquaking by teleporting all the specials far away, with Ando's supercharging help. Once they're gone, Samuel's dirt powers are gone. And Peter punches him! Whoa. Punching! I like how Samuel's power is now looking all constipated and grunty.

Oh and now the smartypants kicker line:

HRG: I gotta say - I never liked carnivals.

Peter: Yup.

It's the end of Volume Five, AKA "The season of carnies and lesbian handholding."

Volume Six, "Brave New World," starts now. So we're going to get like 4 minutes of that new volume? Or hey - if NBC gave Leno his old time slot back, maybe that means the network is so overrun with crazies that Heroes will be renewed for its amazingly giant audience of 3 people and a cat.

Emma and Peter are reunited. She explains that "your friend" took care of the Puppetmaster. And Samuel is being arrested. Soooo what are they arresting him for exactly? Overacting? Dirt munching? Bad jewelry?

Claire says to HRG that people never change, and decides to come out as a mutant to the news crews. Yup, she climbs the ferris wheel and hurls herself off. Why don't they bring in the Haitian right now so that her powers stop working? That would rule.

Sylar is talking about how he's become good, and how right it felt not to kill. And then he starts leering at Claire and talking about how "she's going to change everything - it's a brave new world." So nobody is worried about a chick throwing herself off the ferris wheel? They just keep filming? Oh, and here's Claire's big message: "Hey man check out how I can heal and stuff. Also, all superpowered people are suicidal and deranged."

To be continued! Oh that is just pathetic, Heroes. Seriously, it's sad. Can't you just accept that we've broken up with you and move on? *

RIP Heroes. This show may have been incoherent, badly-written, filled with lame characters, and repetitive. But it was seldom boring.

* NBC has not renewed Heroes. Though it is still possible the show could get resurrected at the last minute, its ratings have been so bad that it is extremely unlikely. So yes, this is probably the very last episode of Heroes.

The Most Beautiful Pulp Magazine Cover Art We've Ever Seen [Pulp Art]

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:30:00 PST

Robot uprisings, demon armies, women fighting dragons and men striding the cosmos have never looked cooler, or lovelier, than in the pulp magazine cover art going on display at the University of Connecticut. Beware: Some of it is quite spicy.

UConn's Benton Museum is hosting a massive exhibition showcasing the Robert Lesser Collection of Pulp Art. Called "From Amazing Stories to Weird Tales: Covering Pulp Fiction," the exhibition includes a ton of original pulp cover art in amazing quality. They've put up nearly 500 of these images online, and here are a bunch of our favorites. [via Vogue Immunity]

Virgil Finlay
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Frank R. Paul
Harold McCauley
Malcolm Smith
Robert Gibson Jones
Rudolph Belarksi
L. Raymond Jones
Jack Gaughan
Raphael De Soto
Hubert Rogers
Howard Brown
Harry L. Parkhurst
Virgil Finlay
Virgil Finlay
Virgil Finlay
Virgil Finlay
Hannes Bok
Hannes Bok
Dick Calkins
Hugh J. Ward
John Newton Howitt
James Allen Saint John
James Allen Saint John
Howard Brown

SyFy Rebranding Makes Time Magazine's Top 10 Worst Corporate Name Changes [Syfy]

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:00:00 PST

In honor of Comcast's decision to rebrand itself as XFinity, Time Magazine published a list of the 10 worst corporate rebrandings, and the Sci Fi Channel's decision to become Syfy made #3. Writes Time, "Spell Check On Syfy: Unless science fiction is spelled syience fyction, owners of the popular television network need some serious spelling help." [Time Magazine]

The Space Shuttle Blasts Into The Night [Space Porn]

Annalee Newitz — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:13:23 PST

Early this morning in the pre-dawn hours, the space shuttle Endeavor shot into space for a two-week trip to the International Space Station. This will be its last nighttime launch.

This launch occurred amid the controversy that began last week when President Obama announced his future plans for the NASA space program, which included scrapping a program to build replacements for the space shuttles, which will retire after 2010. The Endeavor is on one of its final flights, and before it launched, NASA chief Charles Bolden told reporters that Obama's plan is "screwed up," and swore he would fight it.

Endeavor is delivering two new rooms to the ISS, designed by the European Space Agency. Space.com has the story:

Endeavour's crew is delivering a new room called Tranquility and an observation dome called the Cupola that is covered in windows. Three spacewalks and some tricky robotic arm acrobatics are on tap to install the new additions.

"This is a big construction mission," [astronaut Stephen] Robinson said before launch. "We're going to go and add not just a new room on the house, but probably the most complex room on the house."

Named after NASA's historic Apollo 11 moon base, the Tranquility module is a 24-foot (7.3-meter) long cylinder that is nearly 15 feet (4.5 meters) wide and weighs about 40,000 pounds (18,143 kg). The $382 million module will be the home for the station's life support, exercise and robotic arm control systems.

The Cupola is a seven-window observation deck with a huge round central pane that is the largest single window ever to fly in space. The $27.2 million portal will be attached to an Earth-facing side of Tranquility and promises to give astronauts on the station unparalleled views of their home planet and space.

Image via JIM WATSON/AFP/Getty Images

Live-Action Star Wars Series Is Leaking Details [Star Wars]

Meredith Woerner — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:47:51 PST

George Lucas' live-action Star Wars TV series is still moving forward in Australia, and little clues are slowly popping up here and there as to which characters will turn up, and which Star Wars film will it most emulate.

Author Karen Traviss announced a while back that she is no longer writing her long-awaited Boba Fett novel. The author explained that contract issues were getting in the way of her story line, and it seems like what she was planning for Boba Fett, and what Lucas was planning on his new TV series, conflicted.

Yes, the Boba Fett novel was canceled by the publisher because of potential canon clashes with the upcoming TV series, as you have already heard from other sources. No, I really don't have a clue what those clashes might be. Sorry.

We can only assume that Traviss was planning to base her portrayal of Boba Fett on the canon already established in the six movies — and the TV series is planning to make some major change, or addition, to that canon. Still, this means more Boba on the screen, which is always a good thing.

So where is this new series set? According to Wookiepedia and The Celebrity Cafe, it takes place in the "dark times" between the last prequel and A New Hope. And if you remember, that's when most of the Jedi and anti-emperor politicians were hunted down and killed. It's being toted as a gritty and dark series, which will star many minor characters as we now know Boba Fett, but also C-3PO, and Emperor Palpatine (nothing has been officially confirmed yet).

As far as past Star Wars characters like Han, Luke and Leia, Mark Hamill says he doesn't think there would be a role for him as in this time period Luke would be even younger than he was in A New Hope. But the actor did praise the decision to return to focusing on the story, instead of the sizzle of CG FX and tedious lightsaber fights.

In an interview with Total Film Magazine Lucas explained that it would be more like the original than the prequels, "

It's [a] lot more talky. It's more of what I would call a soap opera with a bunch of personal dramas in it. It's not really based on action-adventure films from the '30s - it's actually more based on film noir movies from the '40s!"

And, of course, they won't have Star Wars-type funds to make everything CG, so hopefully this will reinforce the "story comes first" motto.

[via The Celebrity Cafe]

Here's How X-Men's Favorite Redhead Could Have Returned... [X-men]

Graeme McMillan — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:39:01 PST

Astro City writer Kurt Busiek shares a genuine piece of comic history at his blog: the original notes for the story that became the return of X-Men's Jean Grey, unseen even by the people who actually wrote the story. [Busiek.com]

The Science Of Metal Fever, Or How To Build Your Sexbot [Mad Engineering]

Esther Inglis-Arkell — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:30:00 PST

Futurama showed us a world with space travel, robot sidekicks, and Al Gore riding the Mighty Moon Worm, but what really made hearts beat faster were the downloadable Lucy Liu robots. How close are we to robot lovin'?

Appearance:

There are probably a few sites on the internet that cater to people who want to make out with toasters - pictures, safety tips, ads for bulk-rate burn creams – but most people want a more lifelike robot. How is it possible to make a robot that transforms into anyone the end-user wants? There are two possibilities.

Researchers at Carnegie Melon University have already come up with robots that can use electromagnets to cling to each other in different configurations. Sure they're not up to morphing into blemish-less skin and pearly white teeth, but give them a millennium.

The other leading candidate is good old-fashioned stem cells. Believe it or not, they won't be as controversial in the future. It already looks like adult cells can be made to act like stem cells, under the right conditions. Since stem cells have the potential to turn into any cell at all, it might be possible to slather a bunch of modified celebrity skin cells on a pre-programed robot frame and leave that frame in a giant petri-dish until it looks Liu-ish.

Personality:

IBM has already created an artificial intelligence as smart as a cat. From cat intelligence to human intelligence would be a huge step, but not insurmountable. But I don't think that celebrities like Lucy Liu will be the ones to have their personalities duplicated. It's much more likely that people will choose characters that Liu has portrayed, and have those personalities imprinted on the robots. Given the intelligence level of characters in most movies, we might not have to wait a millennium for this to be possible.

When the bot-bodies come online, though, real life will undoubtedly be like walking through Wonder-Con. A stroll down any busy street will allow you to see Robert Pattinson's Edward, Kristin Bell's Veronica Mars, every single one of Johnny Depp's characters. (Watch out for Sweeney Todd.)

Responsiveness:

But what would any one of those characters want with some loser who downloaded them off the internet?
They could be programmed to want anything their downloader did. And they'd want it the moment that their downloader thought about it. Scientists are already developing a chip that would allow paraplegics to turn on electrical devices by thinking about them. It wouldn't be that hard to get people to be able to turn on a robot by just thinking about it. In fact, the robot might be a more intuitive companion than a real human. It would know which section of a person's brain is activated at any one time, and have behaviors that catered to that section.

Security:

So how can you be sure you've got a genuine Lucy Liu bot, and not some cheap knockoff? When a celebrity agrees to hand over their likeness, their genetic code, and their mannerisms to a company, they are taking a big risk. Not only are they dipping their toes in very murky moral waters, they might very well be creating robots that can fill their signature roles better than they can. Imagine their annoyance at seeing their personalities being sold on scuffed-up disks on street corners, or available online for twenty dollars.

That's where quantum cryptography comes in. Because any effort to measure quantum states interferes with the state being measured, it is possible that quantum cryptography is, and will always be, unbreakable. This ensures that the driving force behind all morally ambiguous enterprises – profit – will be allowed to run freely and effectively.

We may only have to wait twenty years.

50 Science Fiction Webseries, Distilled Into 46 seconds [Webseries]

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:00:00 PST

If you're one of those people who hasn't yet gotten hooked on a science-fiction webseries (other than Dr. Horrible), this trailer for webseries aggregator SciFinal might just change your mind. It's 46 seconds of weirdness, silliness (multi-breasts!) and intriguing drama.

io9 Plunges Deep Into The Throbbing Future of Love [Romance3000]

Annalee Newitz — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:53:52 PST

This week, while many humans ready themselves for a consumer-oriented celebration known as Valentine's Day, io9 takes you away from the hearts and candies and into Romance 3000AD. We're going to get futuristic, romantic, and a little naughty.

We'll be bringing you stories about everything from the science of aphrodisiacs, to the best love potions in science fiction. You'll get wantonly-researched features on epic romances from science fiction and the true nature of erotic dystopia. Plus, some of the biggest names in paranormal romance will finally answer your most burning question: What the hell is paranormal romance, anyway?

And of course there will be galleries devoted to scifi cuties of all seven genders, as well as detailed instructions on how to build your own sexbot. Plus, learn more about people who have romantic relationships with ships and other vehicles!

More special treats will be unveiled as the week goes on, so hold on to your extra heart and those replacement genitals - and plunge ahead into Romance 3000AD!

Special thanks to the amazing Kiriko Moth, who designed the gorgeous Romance 3000AD illustrations.

Remembering Golden Age Science Fiction Author William Tenn [In Memoriam]

Alasdair Wilkins — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:30:00 PST

Phllip Klass, who wrote under the pseudonym William Tenn, was the author of off-kilter, humorous Golden Age stories like "On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi" and "Venus and the Seven Sexes." He died Sunday at the age of 89.

Born in London on May 9, 1920, Klass moved to Brooklyn with his parents when he was a year old. He served as a combat engineer in Europe during World War II, and then he worked at an Air Force radar and radio laboratory and at Bell Labs. While at Bell Labs, he started writing science fiction under the pen name William Tenn.

His first published story, entitled "Alexander the Bait", was published in the May 1946 issue of Astounding. Although this first story, based on his experiences at the radar laboratory, quickly proved obsolete and, in Tenn's opinion, not particularly well written, his second effort proved far more successful.

"Child's Play", published in 1947, concerned a man who uses a child's Christmas gift, a futuristic Build-A-Man kit, to create people. The short story was an instant sensation and drew much acclaim for its humorous, satirical style. During a period of great earnestness in science fiction, Tenn stood out for his comical approach to the future. He wrote two novels and more than sixty short stories over the course of his career.

One of his best works was 1953's "The Liberation of Earth", in which two warring alien civilizations repeatedly invade Earth in order to free the poor people of Earth from each other, eventually reducing the planet to rubble and driving humanity to its extinction. Tenn said the story was inspired by the events of the Korean War. Another classic was "On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi", published in 1974. If you're willing to install Real Player on your computer, you can hear an interview with Tenn from 2002 in which he reads that particular story by clicking here.

Science fiction was far from Tenn's only field of expertise. He left New York in the mid-60s to take a teaching post at Penn State University. Teaching courses in English and comparative literature, Tenn influenced a number of young pupils who went on to professional writing careers, including First Blood author David Morrell and Die Hard screenwriter Steven E. de Souza. Wired writer Steven Levy, a student of Tenn's at Penn State, has written a moving tribute to his mentor here.

William Tenn's short stories remain in print in the collections Immodest Proposals and Here Comes Civilization. His novels Of Men and Monsters and A Lamp for Medusa are included in these collections. For those previously unfamiliar with his work, here is a passage from his 1949 story Venus and the Seven Sexes, which readily captures his wild imagination and flair for the absurd as a Venusian explains to an Earthling the complexities of reproduction:

"...I am a representative of the seventh sex - nzred."

"A nzred, huh? What do you do?"

"I coordinate... You see, a mlenb is primarily interested in winning the affections of a likely strob and finding a tkan whom he can love. A tkan merely courts a mlenb and is attracted to a good guur. I am responsible for getting a complete chain of these individuals in operation, a chain of compatibility where perfect amity runs in a complete circle - a chain which will produce offspring of maximum variability. Then, after the matrimonial convention, when the chain is established, each sex begins to secrete in its original germ with the full forty-nine chromosomes. A busy time for the nzredd!

"The nzred... fits himself in at any point in the chain which the exigencies of the situation seem to demand. He may receive the sextuple supergamete from the tkan and transmit the original single gamete to the guur, he may be between the flin and blap, the blap and srob, whatever is required."

Tenn is survived by his wife Fruma and daughter Adina.

[Top photo credit: Laurie Mann.]

The Thing Claims Its First Prequel Victims [The Thing]

Meredith Woerner — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:07:46 PST

The prequel film for John Carpenter's The Thing starts filming next month with newcomer actors Joel Edgerton and Elizabeth Winstead. But does the audience really care what happened to the science team before the monster ran into Kurt Russell?

Matthijs Van Heijningen is directing the film which was penned by Battlestar Galactica's Ronald D. Moore, and rewritten a few times since then.

According to the Hollywood Reporter's Heat Vision blog, Winstead will play a Ph.D. candidate who joins a Norwegian research team in Antarctica after it discovers an alien ship in the ice. When a trapped organism gets loose and begins a series of attacks, she's forced to team with a blue-collar mercenary helicopter pilot (Edgerton) to stop the rampage.

[THR]

Couch is Benjamin Parzybok's Slacker Odyssey [Book Review]

Chris Braak — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:49:36 PST

Benjamin Parzybok's Couch is an epic for the apathetic, a journey to save the world undertaken by the post-college American slacker - for the essential reason that there doesn't seem to be anything better to do.

Couch effortlessly evokes those depressing after-school but just-before-life years of weird roommates, cramped apartments, and the yearly ritual of moving one's furniture and meager possessions to somewhere new. Roommates Tree, Erik, and Thom (Bakker, in a subtle shout-out to the assembled nerditry), after their apartment is inadvertently flooded by the sex maniacs living above them, undertake a seemingly simple task. They need to take their huge, red, handmade couch down to the Goodwill. Things being to grow gradually stranger as the Goodwill turns them away, as everywhere starts to turn them away, and Thom and his roommates begin to think that the Couch itself has a bit of a longer journey in mind.

Parzybok takes his time at the beginning, letting the details of Thom's life unfurl; an unemployed computer programmer in Portland, Thom's life is given a depressing resonance considering America's current economic hardships. It's actually uplifting when he finally commits himself to taking the Couch where it really wants to go. In a climate where everything seems to be falling apart, carrying a piece of furniture through a hundred miles of rainy wilderness is something, anyway.

The pace is languid, without much in the way of conflict or, for the first ninety pages or so, anything even resembling a threat. Certainly, there are one or two vague suggestions that "someone" might want the Couch, but since it's fairly incomprehensible just what kind of mischief a villain could get up to with a large red couch—even a magic one—the threat lacks a certain immediacy. Even once the guns come out, the story is dreamy, a slow place maintained by Parzybok's crisp, elegant, and sometimes quite lovely writing-and a premise so unfamiliar that it can't help but spark a burning curiosity.

Couch's gradual transmutation from "portrait of three slackers" to "heroic quest to save the world" is marred a little by a kind of stumbling condescension somewhere in the middle (when, by improbable chance, Thom et al have managed to get the Couch from Portland onto a freighter bound for Ecuador). It's a trope that I'd like to see gone forever: when the character "in the know" has to explain to our befuddled heroes just what's going on, and treats the scenario like it's an unfathomable mystery. He insists repeatedly that "some things make less sense the more they're explained" - which is an awfully big boast for an author, especially if he really is going to give us some explanation. It may be unbelievable that the couch is an ancient magical artifact, and it's certainly unlikely that there's a secret council watching over humanity to protect them from it, but it's hardly incomprehensible. Thom's response to the increasingly-bizarre turns his life is taking is also strangely reversed. He readily believes in the strangeness, but insists that he can barely understand it; yet, to the reader, it's perfectly to understand, just wildly implausible.

Still, there's something magnetic about the idea that all of humanity's short-sightedness, its close-mindedness, its misery and depression is tied up in just one ugly old couch—something that can be carted off to South America to let the rest of us finally be free of the damning chains of history. Bad news for South America, of course, but at least it's far away. Couch slowly falls prey to the siren song of escapism, permitting a kind of optimism about the fact that, at least in this book, there can be a happy ending to human history - or, at least, the promise of a happy beginning somewhere down the line.

It's not hard at all to let oneself get carried away in the surreal narrative, follow the dream-like logic, revel in the crystal clear prose. It's quite worth it to take the time and wander into the descriptions of gorgeous Andean landscapes. Ultimately, it's easy to believe that a huge, socially-awkward, unemployed computer programmer from Portland could save the world by getting rid of his couch. Escapism doesn't hurt once in a while, and there are worse ways to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.

You can find Couch at Small Beer Press.

Chris Braak is editor of lit & cult/ure blog Threat Quality Press, and emperor of the moon in exile. His credentials, accomplishments, and accolades, are too numerous to list.

Connie Willis' Next Story: A Robot Who Wants To Be A Rockette [Connie Willis]

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:00:00 PST

You might think you generate a lot of scrap-paper, but you're nowhere near as scribble-prolific as Blackout author Connie Willis. She just donated 36 containers, with 128,000 pieces of paper, to a university. And they may soon be online.

Willis has donated all of her papers to the University of Northern Colorado, in her hometown of Greeley. These are the results of her daily habit of spending hours in the local Starbucks, poring over piles of papers. According to the Greeley Tribune:

She writes and re-writes and then scratches out all those notes before scribbling in a few more thoughts in the margin. She's filled "thousands" of notebooks over the years - leaving her to rush the shelves of Target every August for back-to-school specials.

Much of her creative process, she said, simply involves research.

Adds Willis:

You're really writing very thoughtful stories about the big questions but using science and the future, the past, time travel, robots, aliens, technology to tell those stories... I could keep on researching forever and not write. The writing part is the hard part for me.

We can't wait for the Connie Willis archive to turn up online. She also gave the local paper tantalizing hints about two of her upcoming projects:

Her next short story will involve a robot vying to be a Rockette. And while she's spurned the idea of a book based solely on spaceship adventures, she's contemplating a romantic comedy about aliens visiting Roswell, N.M.

We wonder if the robot chorus line will look anything like the Korean one, in the video above.

Who Will Direct Apes' Rebirth? [Planet Of The Apes]

Graeme McMillan — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:35:21 PST

Producer Peter Chernin may believe in his on-again, off-again Planet Of The Apes reboot, but he's having trouble convincing directors to feel the same way. Which big-name helmers have already said no, and who's in the running to replace them?

According to New York magazine's Vulture blog, Predators' Robert Rodriguez, Tomas Alfredson and Oscar nominee Kathryn Bigelow have all turned down the opportunity to direct Caesar, the Scott Frank-written revival of the Apes franchise. Now the movie is apparently being offered to a host of familiar names, amongst them The Book of Eli's Albert and Allen Hughes, V For Vendetta's James McTeigue and Legion's Scott Stewart (Also in the running: The Last House On The Left director Dennis Illiadis, and Taken's Pierre Morel). What, no Tim Burton?

After Kathryn Bigelow and Robert Rodriguez Pass, the Planet of the Apes Prequel Goes Down the Line [Vulture]

There Are No Successful Self-Published SF Authors, According To Robert J. Sawyer [Publishing]

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:08:47 PST

The Internet may become sentient in Robert J. Sawyer's new novel Wake, but there's one thing it won't do any time soon, according to Sawyer: Allow you to publish your novel without going through traditional publishers.

Someone wrote to Sawyer asking for advice about self-publishing a science-fiction novel, and Sawyer responded:

My advice: DO NOT self-publish, full-stop. Self-publishing does NOT work for science-fiction novels. You would be throwing your money away.

Seriously: if you want advice on the questions you're asking, find someone who has successfully gone the self-publishing route with an SF novel, and ask him or her. The point is: no such person exists, and so you won't be able to find him or her.

Don't do this.

So self-publishing is such a bad idea, you basically won't be able to find a successful science-fiction author who'll admit they've even done it.

Blogger and writer Anne Gilbert, who's working on a "Great Medieval Science Fiction Masterpiece With Neanderthals" (which sounds awesome, sign us up!) responds to Sawyer:

[A] lot has changed in recent years, and many of the publishing houses(including the ones that publish science fiction) are subsidiaries of giant corporations, and "traditional" publishing is not in a happy state right now. It's always been hard for an unknown writer to get him or herself published, and perhaps even harder for a writer of science fiction who can't break into one of the magazines(and there aren't very many of those any more, either). Is Mr. Sawyer completely unaware of this? It almost seems as if he is. And, unfortunately for Mr. Sawyer, I think it is only a matter of time before a lot of material ends up e-published anyway. Again, this may not be true of science fiction, but I wonder. I don't know how much time will pass before this is the case, but I am pretty sure this will happen; the publishing business at the moment is in a fluctuating state.