Gawker

The Week We Went Rogue [Week In Review]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:30:00 -0500

This week, everyone was naked and fighting in public and also there was a book no one read but everyone kept talking about.

A pornography company offered a famous beauty contest loser lots of money to distribute video tapes they already possess of her masturbating. Google has scooters. And hellishly lengthy weddings. Adam Lambert wants to lick your gross vagina. He will turn back into a pumpkin if he appears too gay, obv. Ivanka Trump does not like it when you point out that she and her husband are terrible businesspeople.

Goin' Rogue is a wonderful read, as long as you don't actually read it. (And please don't judge it based on its skin. Though you should judge Newsweek for cruelly taking a publicity photo Palin arranged to present herself in what she thought would be a flattering light to one audience and presenting it to a less fawning audience. It is sexist to think she looks ridiculous! Also it is sexist to be Nicole Wallace!)

January Jones is the worst. The word of the year is still "barely rewritten press release." Make sure to buy someone on your list the popular "Twilight Vampire Guy Sock Puppet." The weirdo playboy guy is maybe a front for some sort of private security firm. Everyone at AP has been laid off. Lady Gaga was on Gossip Girl. No one wants to see Naomi Watts' stupid stroller ever again! Growing up in Canada, young Graydon Carter loved nothing more than his beloved sled. And Eddie Haskell. It is still totally fun to be a dictator's son. Malibu estate! Rodeo Drive shopping sprees! Whee!

Nowadays we can't even bother to pay attention to the scripted-for-the-cameas mock fights between people we aren't sure we're supposed to know why they're famous when they happen right before our very eyes. Thank god we have our faith to guide us. Our faith that god will kill the president, because we dislike him. It's on a t-shirt and everything. Brooklyn Decker is the real-life name of a real-life human who is on tv. The Hills is apparently Apartment 3G. Michele Bachmann's still got it! You probably shouldn't advertise booze with pictures of people driving. Mississippi: still racist after all these years. Haaa McDonald's doing the McCafe thing again. (There is totally an untouched McCafe McDonald's somewhere down in Gowanus or something. Bleeding edge!)

Barry is so skinny and it worries Matt Drudge so much. Texas banned marriage, which seems fair enough. Page Six is going after this naked teenager from Alaska, for some reason. The obvious Top Chef finalists became the official Top Chef finalists. Facebook is getting sued for all the money in the world. The kids on the Glee show are still singing. Sing sing sing. I dunno. People seem to be pretty into it? Limelight is going to be a shopping mall. HAH.

People keep putting Sandra Bullock in movies!

James Franco won all the National Book Awards because he is dreamy. Oprah decided to kill the concept of daytime television. Courtney Semel is not a very nice friend. Fox News won't stop digging. Someone, somewhere, actually wrote something truthful on their YouTube profile. (It was a murderer.) Restaurant owners are dicks, especially ones who email everyone to yell at them. Don't look at Jude Law. 30 Rock was just OK last night. Thank christ this season of Project Runway is over, though.

Hope you all enjoy your Florida Honeymoon! Just don't venture too far from home, because you will end up stranded.

Just Shoe It [Pic Of The Day]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:28:34 -0500

[Parisian women give their feet a real workout today while competing in a "Race on Heels" where they must run around a 50-meter track in high heels. Image via Getty]

Kreepie Kats in: "NO ONE in Twilight _EVER_ has sex with ~Anyone~! It's like Behrle's Collyer Brothers' Homage/Apartment Every Night Since Last June!" [Kreepie Kats]

behrle — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:15:02 -0500

Jim Berhle's cartoon kitties face a bleak Oprah-less future where the only thing left on TV is European soccer and trailers for sexless vampire movies.

Hidden Forces Baffle the Twitterati [Twitterati]

Ryan Tate — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:04:47 -0500

Neel Shah got his scandal-phone returned; Kevin Marks got retweeted by ghosts and Al Yankovic was surrounded by nobodies. The Twitterati were haunted, in a good way.

Neel Shah, Page Six gossip and former Gawker and Radar-ite, was glad his phone didn't end up with the likes of his present or past employers. (He should be.)

Tech pundit and Berkeleyite Andrew Keen articulated an ideology of what might be called, if you're avoiding Rush Limbuagh-isms, "femifascism."

British Telecom's Kevin Marks hopes that's an iPhone you're discreetly working in your pocket.

Singer Weird Al Yankovic does this every time he flies.

Wired's Dylan Tweney is bookmarking your comments for future reference, haters.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

CafePress Is No Longer Officially Okay with Praying for Obama's Death [Indecision]

John Cook — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:09:38 -0500

CafePress has reversed itself for the second time and discontinued once and for all the sale of "Pray For Obama: Psalm 109:8" merchandise, which is Christian code for "pray for Obama to get killed by God."

CafePress pulled the merchandise earlier this week when people pointed out what the prayer meant, but they quickly restored the items, telling Gawker in a statement yesterday that the slogan was in line with "current public discourse and our determination of what it is fair political commentary."

They've changed their mind. The CafePress blog announced today that Psalm 109 items are banned again:

Last night we posted a poll on our blog, read through the emails we've received and weighed the nature of the calls we've received on the topic. In the process we also learned that many of the original designers of the Psalm 109:8 designs had already decided to remove them on their own.

General consensus has proven that the design does point to a broader interpretation of the Psalm and thus has been deemed inappropriate for sale at CafePress.

Psalm 109 is a "Cry For Vengeance." Verse 8 reads: "Let his days be few; and let another take his office"; it goes on to ask God to kill the supplicant's enemy and make beggars of his children. So some sneaky Christians thought it would be funny to sell T-shirts bearing the slogan at CafePress, because Godless liberals wouldn't know that it was really a prayer for God to kill Barack Obama for being Muslim.

The online poll's respondents found the slogan "overly inflammatory and inappropriate," 76% to 22%.

[Via Politico.]

Milkshakes With Radicals [Culture Wars]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:48:52 -0500

Islamic extremists with posh British accents sound so reasonable! Sharia law? Sure, you know best!

The Fallacy Behind Efforts to Save 'Public Service Journalism' [Print Is Dead]

John Cook — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:38:32 -0500

Newspapers are dying, which means there will never be any more investigative journalism and politicians will screw whomever they want. But it's OK, because "innovative" new "partnerships" like the Chicago News Cooperative are here to produce real journalism.

The lofty rhetoric surrounding the launch of outfits like the CNC, a MacArthur Foundation-funded news organization run by former Chicago Tribune staffers, is based on the notion that genuine public-service journalism—the expensive boring stuff that results in legislation—is at risk as for-profit newspapers crater. In the words of CNC founder and former Trib editor Jim O'Shea:

At a time of declining resources in newsrooms across the nation, journalists must adapt to new technologies and devise some creative, innovative ways to fulfill our obligations so we can hold our government accountable to citizens and restore to our journalism the standards desperately needed in these troubled times.

Newspapers can't afford to live up to those obligations anymore, so nonprofit-funded outlets like the CNC need to step into the gap. So what sort of hard-hitting "accountability journalism" can we expect from these new creatures? The CNC has contracted with the New York Times to produce an insert for the paper's Chicago editions purporting to bring Chicago readers the sort of shoe-leather that the bankrupt Chicago Tribune can't afford to produce anymore. It debuted today, so lets have a look.

The lead story, by former Trib reporter Dan Mihalopoulos, is precisely in line with what news alarmists say will be missing if and when we lose newspapers: Internal documents from the company that the city of Chicago sold its parking meter business to last year show that it is making boatloads of money, and that the city would have done better just to keep the meters for itself. Bravo!

Now for the rest:

A trip to the Art Institute of Chicago, where we learn that "young people (under 30) tend to enjoy modern art."
A 195-word story about a stay-at-home dad who tried to join a play-group for his infant son, but couldn't because it was for moms only.
A 156-word story about the Chicago Bulls' "circus trip," an annual tour that the item doesn't really explain but has something to do with Ringling Bros. and the Bulls losing. Here's a Sun-Times blog entry on the matter, published two days ago.
A column from Jim Warren wherein he visits a food pantry.

Some of this is perfectly useful, but is it going to save journalism? Does a recitation of the Bulls' woes count as holding "our government accountable to citizens"? Is the MacArthur Foundation fulfilling its mission of creating a "more just, verdant, and peaceful world" by subsidizing stories about dads getting barred from mommies' groups? Is this what all the fuss is about?

The problem is that yes, newspapers underwrite important, expensive journalism that in many cases falls through the cracks in the pageview-obsessed, run-and-gun environment of online publishing. But that's perhaps five percent of what the average paper does. Maybe ten or fifteen. But it's a fraction. The rest of it is rewriting press releases, spouting opinions, reviewing things, and telling people what's on television and when—things the internet is exceptionally good at. CNC has loudly proclaimed that it is going to take up the slack and "restore" journalism's "true values," but, to judge by its first outing, all it's doing is creating a mini-newspaper—one solid story surrounded by a bunch of fluff that you could get anywhere. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with fluff, it's just that no one is raising alarms about the lack of quality writing about art museums and sports and opinions about poor people as newspapers decline.

If the idea of nonprofit journalism and innovative ways of paying for and distributing important reporting is going to succeed, it's going to have to actually produce important reporting. And if former newspapermen are going to lay claim to journalism's future by launching projects aimed at restoring its values, they ought to come up with something better than one good muni story.

UPDATE: Jim Schachter, editor of digital initiatives for the Times, writes in to make a good point that we hadn't considered—the Times asked CNC to provide a mix of serious and fluffy stories. So it was the Times, and not CNC, that wanted the mini-newspaper. We still don't understand why the MacArthur Foundation has to step in to help pay for the fluff the Times is asking for, or where that fluff fits into the CNC's journalism-saving rhetoric. But good point nonetheless:

Perhaps your dart is a bit misaimed. We asked the Chicago News Cooperative to give us a mix of content, because we're trying to come up with a formula for adding local news to The Times that prompts people to keep their subscriptions or start one if they're not buying our paper now. The tough story at the center of today's report, about the parking meter deal, is representative of what CNC means to be about. And, to be fair, so is Jim Warren's humane and pointed column.

I'm expecting to see a lot more afflicting of the comfortable and comforting of the afflicted from Jim O'Shea and his crew over the coming months.

Horrible Restaurant Owner's Charm Offensive Includes Screaming at Us [We Get Phone Calls]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:31:35 -0500

To make the point that he is not the asshole that his Glengarry Glenn Ross-ish email made him sound like ("you bunch of fucking children"), restaurant owner Vadim Ponorovsky called to scream at us.

After we posted the email tirade that Vadim sent the waitstaff at Paradou (for failing to collect enough customer email addresses), he has been complaining loudly to New York food blogs like Grub Street and Eater and to weekend editor Foster Kamer at his dayjob at Blackbook. His main complaint to us was that he's now at the receiving end of the kind of vitriol that it sounds like he dishes out regularly to his employees. And while he regrets calling his staff "fucking lazy motherfuckers," he stands by the rest of his email as entirely within his rights as a boss. Let's take a look at some of that:

Youre probably sitting there saying "How dare he speak to me like this. How dare he not have respect for me". Youre right there also. I have absolutely no respect for any of you. Why? Because every fucking day, all of you continue to show that you have absolutely no respect for me or Alex. So if you dont respect us enough to do the little that we ask you to do, then GET THE FUCK OUT YOU FUCKING LAZY DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLES!!!!!

Anyway, in the snippet of my phone call with Vadim that you can listen to above, he argues that it wasn't fair that we didn't call him up before posting his email and first listen to him explain what a great boss he is. It doesn't include the part of our half-hour chat where he compared us to Hitler and warned Ravi Somaiya, one of our new night editors, "to keep an eye over his shoulder." Add: Just for the record, Ravi did email him asking for comment and never heard back.

That said, even if Vadim's a nightmare to work for, it's no reason for folks to call up the restaurant making death threats (his wife answers the phone, apparently).

We offered to post verbatim whatever Vadim writes up. He said he'll work on it over the weekend.

The Truth About Zoos: Poop. (And Pee) [Advertising]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:21:13 -0500

From Rhett & Link, the guys who brought you the ad that all ads should probably be like, comes this new spot for the Central Florida Zoo. Their relentless honesty requires it to focus totally on excrement. [Adfreak]

What Is Going on with Tinsley Mortimer's Love Life? [Mortified]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:07:48 -0500

The Tinz just wrapped shooting for her reality show and it looks like her showmance, Prince Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn, has gotten the boot for a new beau. Who's the lucky guy? Former American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis. What?!

Maroulis is currently starring in hair band jukebox musical Rock of Ages on Broadway. Tinsley went to see the show last night, and a tipster sent pictures of her and the star looking like they're about to kiss to Guest of a Guest. ConstanTinz were first spotted togetherlast week hanging out at Touch, a midtown club not far from the Rock of Ages theater. Tinsley had her camera crew in tow, so maybe they were catching this auspicious meeting for a suitable end to the first season or a great start to the second one. Now that the cameras are gone and they're still hanging out does this mean it's real love? Oh, Tinsley. Tell us it's not so! It's been a downward spiral ever since breaking with Topper. Next thing you know, she's going to be running around town with Levi Johnston. Oh, too late.

Nikki Finke's Cut-and-Paste Method [How Things Work]

John Cook — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:39:49 -0500

Nikki Finke OWNS the Oprah Winfrey story. She broke the news that Winfrey would leave the show three weeks ago. And she got the transcript of Oprah's announcement up on her site bright and early this morning. By stealing it.

Finke posted embedded video of a small portion of Winfrey's remarks at 9:45 a.m. California time, roughly an hour and forty-five minutes after Winfrey announced on her show that she was calling it quits after next season. She also posted a much fuller transcript of Winfrey's speech. Winfrey's show doesn't air until 3 p.m. in Los Angeles, so where did she get it?

From the Chicago Tribune, which posted the transcript at 10:19 a.m. Central time, or just 20 minutes after Winfrey's announcement. How do we know? Because, a tipster points out, the transcript Finke posted features the same bracketed commentary—"[Her voice grows thick with emotion]"—and typographical irregularities, like double quotes within double quotes. Finke didn't cite the Tribune or—more important—link back to the paper's Watcher blog, which actually did the transcribing. She just copied and pasted without attribution.

Of course, Winfrey's words aren't proprietary to the Tribune. She said them on television. But someone actually did sit down and replayed the speech over and over while actually typing out what Winfrey said. A link wouldn't kill you, Nikki.

Albany Foodie World Is All About Punching [Albany]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:35:07 -0500

Steve Barnes (pictured), the Albany restaurant critic who was assaulted by a professional mixed martial arts fighter last year (probably) because of something he wrote, reports today: Albany restaurateurs are going to punch each other.

John DeJohn, who owns four Albany eateries including the new Pearl Street Pub, and Joe Schaefer, co-owner of Savannah's, located two blocks from the pub, are scheduled for a three-round boxing match...
"I'm going there not just to win but to take out a lot of rage and aggression I have toward certain people," says Schaefer

Also maybe a good night for Steve Barnes to look for a suspect in his beating: an Albany restaurateur with a violent streak.

Obama Joins Truman, Reagan, and Clinton In "Immediately Failed Presidencies" Club [Polls]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:31:45 -0500

It is a good thing the American Constitution calls for instant run-off presidential elections the minute the "winner" dips below 50% approval, or else we would be stuck with the most unpopular president in American history for years to come.

Thankfully Sarah Palin may now take her rightful place as America's "Commanderin' Chief" because Barack Obama is polling at 49% in the daily Gallup tracking poll. As Gallup notes, this is an unprecedentedly fast drop in presidential approval, not counting the three post-war presidents who dropped below 50% faster than him (Reagan, Ford, Clinton) and the one who also dropped below 50% after 11 months in office (Truman).

One of the fastest and most effective ways for any president to boost his approval rating (besides starting a war or botching his response to a terror attack) is to score a major legislative victory. So, with "centrist" and Blue Dog democrats spooked that Obama's low numbers will negatively affect their own reelection bids, look for them to attempt to obstruct and delay any legislation the president champions, in order to drag down everyone's numbers even further in the hopes that eventually elections will just be "called off."

The primary reason for the president's declining approval is, of course, the economy. Specifically jobs. Americans know an economic "recovery" without jobs is no recovery at all, so, once again, look for Blue Dogs and centrists to become incredibly terrified of the idea of spending any further government money on jobs programs of any kind, as we all know that's why FDR was a one-term president, because of his socialism, and how much it made Americans hate him. Jobless Americans are much, much more concerned with the abstract concept of "fiscal responsibility" than they are with material concerns like health care, regular employment, and "having enough money to feed themselves."

Gothic Girl [Open Caption]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:23:01 -0500

[Taylor Momsen predictably wore black (but an unpredictably long skirt) at the The Cinema Society screening of The Twilight Saga: New Moon in New York last night. Image via Getty]

Everything You Need to Know in Order to Watch James Franco on General Hospital [Hospital Visit]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:43:58 -0500

Quick, get to a TV! General Hospital starts at 3pm and you don't want to miss a minute of Hollywood A-lister James Franco's historic role on the show. Here's a little bit of context so you won't be totally lost.

On the ABC soap, Franco plays Franco (how meta!) an artist who has come to the fictional town of Port Charles, New York, where the show takes place, for a gallery exhibit. For an upstate town that no one has ever heard of, Port Charles is pretty cosmopolitan. Not only is there the hospital of the title, but they have their own university and art galleries. They are also overrun with gang violence and really, really sexy mobsters.

Somehow, Franco got photos of the dead body of Claudia Corinthos, ex-wife of mob boss Sonny Corinthos (pictured here), and is using the pictures to blackmail his enforcer, Jason Morgan. See, Claudia was involved in the shooting of Michael, Sonny's son. When Sonny found out, he shamed her in front of the whole town. She went crazy and took pregnant lady Carly (also Sonny's ex-wife) hostage. When trying to escape, Carly got free and went into the woods and had her baby in a cabin. Claudia found her and the baby, but before she could do anything, Michael showed up and killed her.

Following this? Good. So, Michael calls Jason (pictured here), who is also Carly's best friend, and he shows up and burns the cabin and hides the body trying to cover up the murder.

Also, Franco might have some role in the ongoing feud between Sonny and Jason and fellow mob boss Joey Limbo. After a meeting between the two parties there is a shoot out that Franco witnesses. What will Franco do with the information? Will he expose the murder? Will Franco bring the mob to an end? And who is the sexy lady that is getting it on with Franco? Will we all love James Franco even more for doing this? Tune in to find out. Dun-dun-dun!

[Image via Getty]

Peanut Butter and Jelly Is the Body and Blood of Union-Busting Jesus [Recessionomics]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:43:25 -0500

The Way We Live Now: Same as ever. Hard times have been around for years now! But nobody was paying attention. The Christians were fighting unions and the yuppies were building dream homes and everyone else? Peanut butter jelly time.

Way back in 2005, when the liberal media would have had you believe that everything was economically hunky-dory, a fifth of Americans couldn't even pay for their basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, and "sizzlin'" fajita platters. But all you heard about in the news was "Alan Greenspan is so sexy" and "Let's invest in private equity" and "How to make money from dead Iraqis."

So what changed? Very little materially, since all the "wealth" of 2005 turns out to have been imaginary. Since this recession hit, our nation is buckling down and concentrating on what's really important: our spiritual needs. For those of the Christian faith, that means taking time to celebrate things like being with your family and fighting relentless culture wars against gays and women. And unions! Christians are now vociferously against unions, too! Jesus was not in the Gay Abortion Union.

Should America be?

It's a question each citizen must answer for himself here in America, a nation of God. We're not a land like North Korea, where our own heathen diplomats smuggle cigarettes from abroad in a desperate bid to raise enough money in the black market to avoid eating grass soup for yet another month. We're better than that. American may have given up on building their dream home, but we haven't given up on something far more significant: J.M. Smucker Co. The latest profits are through the fucking roof.

We Americans just cannot get enough of that good Folgers coffee, Jif peanut butter, and Smucker jelly. It is peanut butter jelly time. In America. Now. And forever.
[Pic via]

New York City Just Gives Up on Subway Service [Rants]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:17:55 -0500

Did you hear the great news? The MTA will not raise fares! Or cut service! Wonderful! Except none of the headlines say "for just one year." Or "not counting the existing fare increase and de facto service cuts."

The new $11 billion operating budget is actually just an ominous warning that in a year—or maybe a few months—the Transit Authority will once again cite the need to hike fares in order to strong arm Albany in finding a newer, more regressive way of funding operating costs.

They have basically promised it already:

In addition to the 2010 budget, the MTA released a four-year fiscal plan. It envisions 7.5% fare and toll hikes in 2011 and 2013 as the agency tries to establish a pattern of regular inflation-based increases.

There is really not so much inflation right now, in America, is there? (But who knows what the future holds!)

But, yes, it is insane that our mass transit is operated by a rotating cast of idiot millionaires with free E-Zpasses for life (and beyond!) beholden to absolutely no one, at all, operating with two sets of books, and yet we have to actually sympathize with them because the people who profit from the way an efficient mass transit system allows for the mobility of cheap labor don't think they should be forced to pony up any money to keep transit affordable. Fares are simply taxes—incredibly regressive taxes, just like the sales taxes that New York City residents suffer to fund our own transit while suburban New Yorkers bitch about the prospect of being charged to clog our streets with their cars, and Jersey dicks bemoan the tolls they have to pay to enter the city where they make all of their money while contributing nothing back.

Meanwhile, though, the MTA lies, about everything, all the time. They are saving just enough of the money from the emergency bailout earlier this year to allow them to not threaten to raise fares again for one (1) year (while fighting transit workers' promised wage increase in court). And thanks to that bailout, we only had to endure a slight fare increase with no service cuts! Except that not a single goddamn line is running on schedule anymore, ever, and that's been the case all year and it only gets worse every week.

Track and signal work must be up 1000% across the board, because there's hardly a line that isn't out of commission on the conveniently poorer or less utilizied portions of the routes these days. The F just gives up at Jay St now. The service advisories, when they are actually correctly posted, which is rarely, grow longer every weekend. If you live outside Manhattan, you better catch a train home before 11 pm, because otherwise who the fuck knows when a train will show up and where it will actually take you. Lord only knows what the hell the G train was doing last weekend, and why. Everyone, anecdotally, has noticed this. But no one has just straight-up said that these are the across the board service cuts that they promised they wouldn't need to institute once we saved them from disaster a few months ago.

It is time, now, immediately, to do a few things:

To end the insane federal transit funding system that a) overfunds highways and b) dispenses capital project money for urban mass transit systems but forbids any federal spending on operating costs for cities of more than 200,000 people. The Reagan administration slashed mass transit funding, of course, but it was Mr. Bill Clinton who eliminated operating assistance altogether. Do you want to know about how much highway funding has increased over the same period of time? No, you don't. Real estate taxes and fares are not the proper way to fund the nation's largest subway system, especially when we will earmark federal cash for the Robert Byrd Memorial Frontage Road to the Erma Ora Byrd Conference and Learning Center and Community Swimming Pool.
To destroy the MTA. The public authorities reform bill that just passed the Assembly is a wonderful start! But the entire board needs to be dissolved and replaced with, you know, actual subway riders, elitist technocrat transit wonks, and people with experience in government management and accounting. Civil servants, in other words.
Everyone in Albany should be tarred and feathered. This is an important part of our prescription for any local problem.
Also fuck Bloomberg.

Anyway! No fare increases until January 1, 2011! And some day—maybe in like 2015, when you ride the robot-operated Second Avenue line to your favorite soup kitchen—there may be those little signs that tell you when the next train is coming! This "install little signs" project is only a zillion dollars over budget (so far!).

Four Ways Listicles Make Us Immortal, According to Umberto Eco [Journalismism]

Ryan Tate — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:48:06 -0500

Italian novelist Umberto Eco, the go-to intellectual for journalists worldwide, has deconstructed the human obsession with all things listy. The bottom line for editors: Your listicles help readers brush off a terrifying universe of infinite chaos.

In this manner, the listicle is not a depressing instance of pandering but a nourishing expression of a natural and elemental part of human culture. Or at least that's what you can put on your Maggies entry. Here's how Eco (pictured) put it in Der Spiegel:

The list is the origin of culture... What does culture want? To make infinity comprehensible. It also wants to create order — not always, but often. And how, as a human being, does one face infinity? How does one attempt to grasp the incomprehensible? Through lists, through catalogs, through collections in museums and through encyclopedias and dictionaries.

Making "infinity comprehensible" means, basically, facing up to our own mortality:

We have a limit, a very discouraging, humiliating limit: death. That's why we like all the things that we assume have no limits and, therefore, no end. It's a way of escaping thoughts about death. We like lists because we don't want to die.

This is why lists have been popular from "primitive cultures" to the Middle Ages to the Renaissance, Baroque and postmodern periods.

So, to summarize:

Lists connect us with our ancestors.
Lists connect us with culture.
Lists make infinity comprehensible.
Lists help us ignore death.
Buy cranberries.
Order turkey.
Take out the garbage.

Sorry, got ~~immortal~~distracted there for a second.

Project Runway : Fashion Weak [Recaps]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:39:28 -0500

Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision to ask three designers to compete for a prize. The delusion their entries will look different. The vision to return January 14th, the delusion your audience will come back.

That's right, last night during the disastrous season six finale, Lifetime announced that season seven will debut on the network the second week in January. It's a good thing too, because after this awful, rushed season, both Lifetime and Bunim/Murray, who produces the show, need to show that they can make a good season. Maybe season six was like the muslin version of a gown that a couturier makes so she can figure out what she's doing and next season will be the finished red-carpet ready product. Let's hope.

So, onto last night's finale. Irina, Althea, and Carol Hannah all showed their 13-look collections in Bryant Park during fashion week (way back in February). We actually found some things to love about it, but first:

Things We Hate:

Crying: Everyone cried. Althea cried, Carol Hannah cried, Irina cried, Irina's parents cried, Tim Gunn cried into his handkerchief backstage that he still has three seasons left on his contract. Everyone cried except Cry-stopher, which was strange. We love drama, but all this excessive crying just makes us want to, well, weep.
The Other Designers: We didn't even like Logan, Cry-stopher, and Gordana before they were kicked off, and we don't want to see them around again. They really had nothing to add. If the producers wanted to do something interesting, they would have brought back the first three designers kicked off. They all sucked! Imagine weeping Carol Hannah having to deal with Malvin of egg dress fame. Awesome.
Cry-stopher's Eyebrows: While we're at it, let's talk about Cry-stopher some more, because his eyebrows were so drawn on, he looked like a third-rate drag queen doing an impersonation of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, but without the camp. And why, for fuck's sake, didn't he go to the L'Oreal Paris Make Up room to have them at least draw them on symmetrically.
Fake Introductions: We all know that the final collections were filmed back in February when the show was still embroiled in about 23 different lawsuits and they were trying to keep production details a big secret. All the press accounts of the runway show mention that the designers made no appearances at all. So, what was up with the fake introductions they each gave their collection? Did they assemble a faux audience and recreate the set and film the introductions then? Or did they do it later that day, but with a cast of extras instead of the general public and a bunch of media types? And did they think that we wouldn't notice?
Irina Invented the Smokey Eye: It really irked us when Irina accused Althea of stealing her makeup scheme for the final show. As if she just heard what Irina wanted and copied her. Oh, because smudged makeup has never been done before ever in the history of fashion or the world. You made it up, Irina! We know you think otherwise, but you are not original. You didn't invent any of the ideas you have accused Althea of stealing. And all of fashion, like most other art, is about stealing and reappropriating anyway. And this coming from a girl who stole T-shirt designs—twice!
Heidi's Pink Outfit: It wasn't as horrible as the pink ruffle shirt and sparkly biker shorts she wore earlier in the season, but it looks—as Ms. Kors would say—very mother of the bride. Actually we think Endora wore it to a wedding once on Bewitched.
No Celebrities: We've said this before, but part of the move to L.A. was supposed to be about getting great celebs as guests and judges. Who do they get for the finale? Suzy Menkes! Who? Exactly. Suzy is great and all (see below), but in the past we had Parker Posey, Debra Messing, Posh Spice, people who have great style and a little bit of pizazz. Suzy has the cred and would have been a great replacement for one of the two frequent absentee judges this season, but she is no finale judge. And if you're going to have another horrible year in L.A., then we want to see some serious star wattage!
Cohesion: Making a collection of clothes that has cohesion is kind of like creating a concept album—the only people who care about it are industry types. It's not like there are women marching around who buy entire collections or want all their clothes for a season to look like they "tell a story." When everyone is downloading singles, who cares how all the songs sound together on an album? "Cohesion" is some bullshit that the fashion industrial complex cooked up and holds designers to when no one else really cares about it. The only time it looks good is in the 20 minutes when everything walks down the runway.
No Color: Would it have killed you guys to do something other than shades of drab? Your collections all looked about as washed out as Tim Gunn after three weeks of swine flu!
Nothing Stands Out: After watching the finale last night, I was thinking about the ghosts of finales of seasons past. Remember Jay McCarroll's multicolored tier tatter dress, Chloe Dao's sculpted satin gem-tone sheath, Daniel V's brown dress with the little embellished flap on the boobs, Santino Rice's babydolls with the breasts flying about, Laura Bennet's glamorous bedazzling, Michael Knight's mess of an urban collection, Christian Siriano's brown and white ruffled ball, Chris March's dresses made of human hair, Jillian Lewis' knits with the poodle tail sleeves, Kenley Collin's retro gowns, and Leanne Marshall's waves? Remember those? I can recall each of those collections distinctly from memory. I couldn't even describe one thing I saw last night other than Irina's stupid hats and Carol Hannah's lilac buttplug dress. That makes me sad.

Things We Loved:

Tim Gunn Freaking Out: Finally, all the stress of the shitty season got to Grampa Gunn and he snapped. Brilliant. More about it in the videos.
Jaslene!: Our favorite moment of every television year is when there is complete trashy fashion reality show synergy and contestants from America's Next Top Model strut the runway on Project Runway. The only one we noticed last night was the Cha-Cha Diva herself (and one of our favorite Top Models ever) Jaslene Gonzalez. One is more than enough.
Suzy Menkes: Now we feel a little bad for picking on Suzy Menkes, the legendary fashion journalist and International Herald Tribune fashion editor. It wasn't fair to not tell us who she is and put her in front of the camera with There's Something About Mary hair and a sparkly gold coat. Of course we were going to crack jokes. We know she is a great writer and deserves all of our respect, but had no clue what she looked like. It's not fair to put her out like that without an id. Don't do that to poor Suzy Menkes. Make her look good.
Ari Fish's Look: Remember Ari? She was the first one kicked off this season. While Nicolas was at the runway show looking like Pudgy Kurt Cobain as always and Shirina was wearing some gypsy costume from last Halloween, Ari had totally reinvented herself. She looked like a cross between Isabella Blow and Boy George playing Leigh Bowery in Taboo. Genius!
Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine Hate's Irina's Collection: Did you see the stink eye that NGFDMCM gave Irina on the runway last night? When she saw that everything was black she said, "We talked about that," like she was the disappointed mother of a daughter who keeps wetting the bed. Then she told Irina that black never gets any editorial coverage. Looks like someone's spread in Marie Claire magazine will be begrudging.
Lifetime's Commercials: Lady vitamins, pregnancy tests, fat Carrie Fisher, the horrible Georgia O'Keefe Paints Vagina Flowers Lifetime movie promos, cleaning products, tampons—this is what we had to endure being hawked during the commercial breaks, and it provided some wonderfully easy targets. Thanks Lifetime. Also, you made up for it with the trailer for The 12 Men of Christmas. Kristen Chenoweth starring in a movie about making a naked calendar with hot guys? Oh yes, my gay ass will be tuning in, without any irony and a big fat smile on my face.
Michael Kors Says "Bravo Guys": Was it an intentional dig at Lifetime by bringing up the show's old network? We don't think so, but it was a perfect bitchy end to this horrible season.

So, in the end, as we accuately predicted Irina won for her crappy black collection with ugly hats. Rather than talk about the clothes, go watch the full collections in the videos. How quickly can we forget that this season ever happened? We hope it's sometime around Sunday afternoon, because we want to get back to loving Runway.

For the last time until 2010, let's sashay and chanter our way to the videos.

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Carol Hannah is sick and trying to finish her collection and snaps under the pressure. Thankfully Cry-stopher is there for a shoulder to cry on.
Vision: That she's not going to make it through, and that Cry-stopher and his eyebrows can help her.
Delusion: Of course she'll make it. She's a can-do kid. This was the one moment of real emotion we felt all season. She may not be the greatest designer, but this is a highlight of her young life, and to have it ruined by circumstances beyond her control really sucks. We're glad she made it work.
What Would Nina Say: "Get it togther!"
Dramometer: 10

Under the Gunn
Context: All the girls are late getting their models ready and Grampa Gunn freaks out. He does it in the same way that our high school Latin teacher, Sister Nicotena of the Holy Smoke, used to, where she barely raises her voice, but manages to shame everyone into submission and make them feel like 20,000 monkeys just took a shit on their heads.
Vision: That he can get these looks ready for the runway.
Delusion: The only way to make any of these models acceptable is if Gunn goes back and redesigns every collection himself.
What Would Nina Say: "You should have screamed louder."
Dramometer: 8

Althea's Collection
Context: Here is the finished product.
Vision: The future.
Delusion: There is nothing futuristic about any of these pieces. In fact, you can buy most of them right now at Express—on the sale rack.
What Would Nina Say: "I would put that suit in my magazine. But you won't let me, because you chose another winner."
Dramometer: 0

Carol Hannah's Collection
Context: Here are here 12 disparate looks. A couple of them we actually like.
Vision: Making a bunch of really great clothes, even if they are disconnected, will win the prize. Also, lilac buttplugs.
Delusion: That these fashion types don't care about "cohesion."
What Would Nina Say: "Can we take another look at Althea's?"
Dramometer: 0

Irina Won for This
Context: The most original collection ever on the face of the earth.
Vision: Black, black, black, brown, more black, and hats. It's like armor!
Delusion: The only thing we have to guard against is our eyes ever seeing something like this ever again.
What Would Nina Say: "All black will get no editorial coverage, even though my magazine is contractually obligated to cover it."
Dramometer: 0

German Newspaper Feud Gets Penis-y [Media Crack]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:32:32 -0500

In your ferocious Friday media column: Newspaper wars in Germany are of another breed, another high school paper censored for dumb reasons, more on the BusinessWeek layoffs, and George Stephanopoulos' fluff chops questioned.

A "long-standing editorial feud" between a left-wing German paper and the right-wing paper Bild has culminated in the left-wing paper commissioning a huge artwork on the side of a building showing "Bild boss Kai Diekmann spreading his legs as his mighty manhood stretches across five storeys before the tip turns into a rearing cobra." If this isn't an idea that would suit Col Allan, we don't know what is. [Sexxxy pics]

A high school paper outside of Chicago wanted to publish some stories about students smokin and drinkin' and makin' babies, so the school spiked the issue, and now it's national news. The takeaway here is that the only thing dumber than school papers (I served on two!) is the reaction of school administrators to school papers.

Chris Roush has the latest updates on who's staying and who's going at BusinessWeek.

TVNewser says that Good Morning America staffers are wondering whether potential new GMA host George Stephanopoulos has the morning chops to pull of the big fluff interviews that would go along with job. Or will he be worried that it will undermine his fancy (alleged) "credibility" on his Sunday show? Let's be honest: With that hair, George Stephanopoulos was made for fluff. Also he is not a "journalist," so who cares?

Oprah to Fans: I'm Quitting My Show Because My Bones Told Me To [Resignations]

John Cook — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:53:12 -0500

Here's a clip from Oprah Winfrey's on-air announcement that she's putting the Oprah Winfrey Show out to pasture: "Why walk away, and make next season the last? Here is the real reason: [T]wenty-five years feels right in my bones."

Microsoft Let NSA Spooks 'Enhance' Windows 7 [Conspiracies]

Ryan Tate — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:47:47 -0500

A National Security Agency director just bragged to a Senate subcommittee about his agency's close "cooperation" with Microsoft to, err, "enhance" how Windows 7 guards a user's privacy. Doesn't that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

The spooks at the NSA are, of course, notorious for their role monitoring internet activity, and for their use of warantless wiretaps to monitor U.S. phones, often illegally. So computer users could easily be worried to hear that the NSA has "partnerships" with Microsoft, which makes their operating systems; Intel, which makes their wireless chipsets; and McAfee, which makes their antivirus software (so-called!).

From NSA Information Assurance Director Richard Shaeffer's testimony to the Senate Judiciary's Subcommittee on Terrorism and Homeland Security:

Working in partnership with Microsoft and elements of the Department of Defense, NSA leveraged our unique expertise and operational knowledge of system threats and vulnerabilities to engance Microsoft's operating system security guide without constraining the user's ability to perform their everyday tasks... All this was done in coordination with the product release, not months or years later during the product's lifecycle.

Shaeffer also talked about his agency's "trusting relationship" with the private sector, including a "partnership" with Intel and McAffee to promote a security protocol — or should we say, "security" protocol? — from the federal government.

These IT companies all want to do business with the government, so it's to their advantage to be seen as cooperative in implementing federal protocols in their products. But should consumers distrust these ties? The general consensus among private-sector security experts canvassed by ComputerWorld was, in the words of one, "I can't imagine NSA and Microsoft would do anything deliberate because the repercussions would be enormous if they got caught."

Right, because if there's anything that clearly motivates these two massive organizations with virtually guaranteed near-term revenue streams, it's fear of public shame. This is why we have not seen either entity doing anything embarrassing, recently.

(Pic: Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, by Getty Images.)

Regretsy Book to Be Not Quite as Good as Regretsy.com [Book Deals]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:28:29 -0500

The heretofore anonymous founder of Regretsy, the blog that appropriately mocks your dumb arts-and-crafts projects, has been outed. Because she got a book deal! New blog-to-book trend: Saying right up front the book will be more paltry than the blog.

Speakeasy reports that the Regretsy mastermind is April Winchell, well-known comedic human. Notably, her new book publishers admit:

"We're not going to use everything from the Web site," said Jill Schwartzman, the purchasing editor at Random House. "The ones we're going to pick are the ones that work for a book-reading audience."

So read everything on Regretsy.com for free, or buy the book and read less, for a fee. Just mail April Winchell a check and continue to read her website!

Twitter Transforms Chuck Todd and Howard Kurtz into Idiots [You Don't Say]

John Cook — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:19:38 -0500

It's Obvious Day on Twitter: NBCer Chuck Todd wonders why Barack Obama can't secure the political support of the man he defeated in the 2008 election, and the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz predicts that Oprah Winfrey may go to cable.

Balloon Juice's John Cole needs to stop reading Twitter—as do we all—because he finds things like this there:

Now that's a story. If Obama has lost the backing of the man who spent a full year and $346 million trying to prevent him from becoming president, then how can he govern?

And this:

It's an intriguing theory. We're skeptical, but since Kurtz is paid considerable sums by the Post and CNN for his deep knowledge and impeccable instincts when it comes to analyzing the media business, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Rehabilitation Complete [Crime]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:58:29 -0500

Breaking: The Hipster Grifter is free. Oh boy.

The NBC-Bashing Jokes of 30 Rock : Green Week Is a Stupid Idea [30 Rocks]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:41:19 -0500

The jokes at NBC's expense weren't very insidery this week, but as usual 30 Rock spent half the episode dissing their home network. Here's what happens when you make Tina & Co. play along with your dumb corporate green initiative.

There's backlash of course. This week programs across the network are creating stories that deal with environmental issues. Sure, the show complied (unplug your chargers and change your lightbulbs—servicey!), but not without biting the hand that feeds it.

First, Jack and Kenneth make fun of this silly little program. Sure, it reads as making fun of people who don't believe in global warming, but the show could have just made the directive to cut carbon emissions from GE headquarters instead of going the meta route and having a show about how NBC is making shows talk about environmental stuff.

When Kenneth goes into Jenna's dressing room to make her unplug her chargers, he comes armed with a silly pamphlet the network has put out. It features a quote from an actress who is barely known from a show that is barely on the air and with a bun that barely makes any sense. What a way to make fun of corporate propaganda.

Aside from Friday Night Lights we saw lots of making fun of other NBC shows last night, also getting hit were Heroes and The Cosby Show. At least the network is a good enough sport to give them clearance to dog on their shows.

And while we're at it, another observation: When did 30 Rock get so gay? Between Jenna's gaggle of gays, the funny gays in line at the Hugh Jackman event, and Liz's gay cop roommate this season has been mighty queer. It's like Cheyenne Jackson demanded the up they gay quotient by 15% before he would sign his contract.

Ok, now on to the final burn.

Feeling Better About Fare Increases [Propaganda]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:32:43 -0500

The MTA is cheering up New Yorkers by printing the word "optimism" on millions of Metrocards. *NOTE: "Optimism" should not be interpreted as applying to the state of the New York City transportation system itself. [NYT. Pic via]

South Brooklyn's Supreme Court Justice [Sonia Sotomayor]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:28:33 -0500

Stalked: Sonia Sotomayor at Po on Smith Street. Someone spot her at Bar Great Harry!

Jude Law Will Hurl Oranges at Any Girl Watching Him Do Yoga [Violence]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:57:02 -0500

Marble-eyed Englishman Jude Law made the mistake of moving into a condo right next door to an NYU dorm. What are you, Jude Law—dumb? Heh. He deals with female fans by throwing produce at them.

Freshman NYU ladies come running to windows of their dorm every time Jude Law comes out on his balcony. The reason for this, again: Jude Law lives in a condo with a balcony that is towered over by a dormitory full of 18 year-olds. He has not made friends with his neighbors, according to the NYP:

"He noticed we were there and we started waving at him. Then he went inside and came back with two oranges," freshman Neha Najeeb told The Post. "He threw them at our window, but he missed." Law then went back inside and returned with two additional oranges, she said.

In four tries, he landed two oranges on the windows next door. I see several problems here:

1. They don't play baseball in England. Try kicking the oranges next time, Jude. Heh.
2. Jude Law goes out on his balcony to exercise with a personal trainer, then gets upset when people look at him. Go to a gym, you bizarrely attractive yogi. Rich people seem to enjoy Equinox.
3. Look at these pictures of his totally comical workout outfit. Heh.
4. Just be thankful you're not located next door to a state school dorm, Jude Law. Your balcony would be covered in shattered beer bottles at all times. It's not as bad as you think. Your every move is an object of fantasy for dozens of young women, just enjoy it. God.

Tina Fey — [Pullquote]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:56:23 -0500

speaking at the Ad Council gala at the Waldorf Astoria on Wednesday, according to the New York Post's Page Six.

The Grooms Wore Matching Tuxedos [Open Caption]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:40:07 -0500

[Jimmy Fallon and Joseph Gordon-Levitt look like a tiny gay wedding cake topper with their pose at the American Museum of Natural History's Museum Gala last night. Image via Getty]

Goldman Tells Employees Not to Have Christmas Parties in Their Homes [Holidaze]

John Carney — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:38:03 -0500

Goldman Sachs employees received a voicemail announcement instructing them not to organize private Christmas parties for the firm's employees even at their own homes, a person familiar with the matter said.

The firm has canceled its annual holiday party, just as it did last year. It also instructed the smaller business units that they should not organize their own smaller parties, which had been a long tradition at the firm. The parties are banned even if no firm money goes to pay for them.

But Goldman employees were surprised to hear that even parties within private homes fall under the ban. The firm apparently believes that it would be inappropriate for its employees to be seen partying while the economy is still so shaky and unemployment is so high.

Presumably, the ban only applies to gatherings organized as semi-official holiday parties for Goldman employees. We can't imagine that Goldman would tell employees they can't have a few friends and family over for a tree-trimming party.

BusinessWeek Layoffs Make Fools of Optimists [Media]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:29:20 -0500

The long-expected BusinessWeek layoffs came down yesterday, with 130 staffers let go—a full third of its employees. Is it fair to call that a "surprise?"

When Bloomberg bought BW last month, expectations were grim—one preliminary report said that Bloomberg was planning to lay off the entire staff. Insiders told us at the time that was "nuts," (which it was), and made vague sounds about not being able to tell how many layoffs would be necessary.

Which was at least mildly hopeful! But the signs were pretty clear: BW's editor left immediately, Bloomberg started canning the magazine's celebrity columnists, and began the early stages of the layoffs on Monday. An internal memo at the time promised "a meeting (in person or by telephone) to learn next steps." Staffers got that yesterday. And 130 of them are gone, including many high-level writers, editors, and some of the mag's most visible columnists:

Most of the columnists were let go, including Inside Wall Street writer Gene Marcial, Media Centric columnist Jon Fine, tech columnist Steve Wildstrom, the longtime Business Outlook columnist Jim Cooper and tech writer Steve Baker, a 23-year veteran.

When you work for the media these days and your first instinct is that the future is dark, you're probably right.
[More on BW layoffs here]

Good Morning, Obama Wants to Rape You [Rape]

Pareene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:11:52 -0500

Maybe it is too early on a Friday for this, but, you know, there is not really a "good time" to post a 2-minute montage of conservative media figures—mostly Rush—repeatedly saying "rape." Over and over again.

What Actress Is Leaving Her Celeb Husband Because He's Addicted to World of Warcraft? [Blind Items]

Brian Moylan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:59:31 -0500

Loving a nerd is one thing, but who could stand a guy constantly plugged into an online universe? Is it worse than a wife who gets frisky in a hot tub or a singer pimped out by a rap star?

1. "This married/aging actress has put up with a lot throughout her celebrity marriage. She's practically raised the kids on her own, dealt with scandals and cheating and still managed to put on a happy face on the red carpet. Within this next year, she plans to finally leave her husband and make the divorce public. The current final straw? Not other women or drugs, but an addiction to World of Warcraft. We kid you not. Not Catherine Zeta Jones" [BuzzFoto]

2. "There is an actor on a television series who seems like he would be an interesting character to live with. That might not be the case for his wife, however. A couple of weeks ago, our actor came home from work a lot earlier than usual and found his wife in the hot tub with a neighbor of theirs. The neighbor, who is also an actor, is best known for his role on a classic TV show. The wife and neighbor, who were sitting on the same side of the hot tub and were somewhat intertwined when the actor emerged from the house, both jumped up, obviously startled. The neighbor explained that they were in the hot tub together because he had pulled his hamstring muscle playing tennis earlier that day, and the actor's wife had been kind enough to let him use the hot tub, to show him some stretching exercises, and to share a glass of wine with him. While we don't know if there is a generally accepted seating plan when it comes to neighbors and hot tubs, we think that this particular arrangement sounds mighty suspicious." [Blind Gossip]

3. "This former B list tween female singer and now a messed up D has made some very bad decisions over the past year or so but none compare to the one she made at a party in the past few nights. Since breaking up with her D list reality boyfriend she has been on the lookout for someone who can help with her career and put her back in the spotlight. Well, she found a B list rap star and he has been helping her out and paying for expenses, providing her drugs and has promised to help her with her new record. Everything was going fine until the party the other night when he threatened to take it all away unless she orally serviced a few of his friends at the party. She did. Stay tuned because she is going to a bigger party this week." [CDaN]

Hot Foot Hottie and Poor Hubby Need More Money Cause Board's Crummy [Class War]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:52:05 -0500

A hot sexxxy foot model's hot feet got too hot for her fancy Upper East Side neighbors, once she married a hot doorman in her building, alleges the hottest new tabloid class war story to hit hot type!

You probably know Christina Ambers' feet from such ads as "Rescue Me," "Maybelline," and "Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear." She is only considered the hottest foot model around these days, that's all. And her hands aren't too shabby either!

Anyhow she married the doorman at her building on E. 74 St., and now she's alleging in a $10 million lawsuit that the co-op board is trying to evict her because they simply can't stand the sight of the doorman, a poor, rubbing all up on the precious rich sexxxy feet of Ambers, a non-poor. Other residents in her building say the couple had a tumultuous relationship, made noise, and had the cops called to their apartment. The Post, predictably, ignores that angle in favor of class war without mercy, leading its story with "Stick to taking out the recyclables, Angel."

The most interesting part of this story, of course, is not actual facts. It's the question of whether the New York Post can stir up a decent amount of class-based outrage amongst its readers on behalf of a couple that is one-half Latino man from the Bronx. If Ambers had married, say, a poor but proud firefighter from Bay Ridge, this would be an easy layup. But can the Post's faux-populism overcome its real racism? We shall see.

There's always the sexxxy feet pics to fall back on!
[Pic: Christina Ambers' Flickr]

AP Layoffs: Final Thoughts [Updates]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:15:47 -0500

We've updated (hopefully for the last time) our AP Layoffs List with the final flood of tips that came in late yesterday and this morning. A few final thoughts on the list, for those AP people still checking it:

1. Our map of the global layoffs only includes those tips that came in by Thursday morning. For the most complete listing, see the AP Layoffs List.

2. Take the list for what it is: a compilation of tips from you, the APers, and your knowledgeable friends. We got so many tips that there may well be some misspelled names or repetitions or slight misstatements of titles. It is the Wikipedia of Layoff Lists. That said, I've made corrections when I received info about anything being incorrect.

3. Probably the most striking thing about these layoffs was the high number of victims who were 10, 20, or 30-year-plus veterans of the AP. We hope you will all receive much grander tributes to your individual careers than a single line in a Gawker post. Good luck to everyone.

The Post and News Do a Good Foot Job [Front Pages]

Ravi Somaiya — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:17:25 -0500

Having covered breast healthcare issues all week, the papers move south to other ladyparts today. But forget all that, buy the tabloids, and read about a foot model cast out into the street (almost) for her princess-and-pauper love.

Cervical cancer screenings are being added to the wider debate about healthcare today. Only the New York Times offers any sober analysis of the wider issue here - whether expensive healthcare to save only a few lives is justifiable. Other than that there's no real consensus on the story of the day. News that Tim Geithner is under concerted attack by Congress makes a couple of the front pages, but frankly is something of a non-story. Find a day when Congress is not doing something whacky, and some member of the administration is not under attack. The real joy today is in spotting the puns and sly innuendos in the tabloid reporting of the story of an Upper East Side foot model who married a porter in her building and may now be evicted as a result. Why the broadsheets do not think this is front pages news is a mystery. Just because it's frivolous, doesn't mean it's not interesting.

Disclosure: I freelance write and report for newspapers that are included in this roundup. Where there is a direct conflict of interest I will make it clear.

The New York Times: leads with the story that there is now a debate on cervical cancer tests, to go with the one on mammograms. There is some much-needed analysis of both confusing issues too. Given equal prominence is the news that the air defences put in place after 9/11 — to specifically target people trying to fly planes into skyscrapers — are to be looked at to see if they're really necessary. There's a nice in-depth look at the woes of the University of California, who are making swingeing cuts while they hike fees by 32 per cent. There's the end of the Oprah Winfrey show and the end of State Senator Bruno's alleged misuse of his public office.

The Washington Post: unleashed the big guns and sent Rajiv Chandrasekaran to Afghanistan. He reports that the US and Karzai are learning to love each other again. Congress, which is increasingly resembling a wrestling match, is upset that Obama can't wave a magic wand and make the economy better. Republicans are calling on Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to resign. Nearby, Harry Reid is seeking the 60 votes he needs to move to a final debate on healthcare reform. There's more ladyparts healthcare news and a nice feature, following one young man, on the lack of black pilots in the air force.

The LA Times: has the cervical cancer screening news below the fold and leads with a story about health workers who will now be subject to up to 104 drug tests in their first year. In other health news; the regents at the University of California may be unpopular for raising fees, but they've also helped reopen a hospital. Politics only makes the front page today in the form of allegations that the White House interfered in the investigation of the mayor of Sacramento for financial misdeeds and inappropriate behavior. Oprah is quitting her show! Who knew? And the paper send their roving reporter to New York today, to talk to some unpaid actors. She probably didn't have to look far.

The Wall Street Journal: leads with the news that Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is under attack. For which they have found an excellent 'out of time' picture. They've made an interesting choice to run the story about yesterday's problems with air traffic control on the front. Which is probably a good idea considering the number of people flying next week. There's union trouble in India and the story that gets a picture on the front of the LA Times gets some words here - buffalo in California are to go on birth control.

The New York Post: there are just too many good quotes in this story about "the Heidi Klum of foot models" who may be evicted for marrying a porter in her building. Everyone hates them! Someone hit her husband in the nuts! Almost every line is a wonder of foot-based puns. This is why we need tabloids!

The Daily News: the News are slightly less pun-tastic than the Post on the foot model story, but gets into more depth. They also have news on the Gotti trial.

Newsday: apparently the people of Long Island care more about Oprah's quitting than anyone else today. They devote almost the whole cover to it. Also, she is clearly waving hello here, not goodbye. Also also, the next front page is slightly NSFW.

Amazonia Hoje (Brazil): this is dreadfully sexist, you're probably thinking. How dare they show a topless woman on the front when they don't have a topless man on the... oh, what's that in the background. Fair and balanced! If anyone can speak Portuguese and shed any light on why Obama is depicted as a pig, that would be nice.

South Korean Celebrity Deaths Continue [Sad]

Ravi Somaiya — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:50:33 -0500

Model Daul Kim, 20, who had worked for Chanel among others, was found hanged yesterday. She may have died by suicide. If so, she is the ninth Korean celebrity to take her own life in just over a year.

From the Associated Press:

In an Oct. 30 entry on her blog, Kim wrote she was "mad depressed and overworked," and in another entry said "the more i gain the more lonely it is ... i know i'm like a ghost." The last entry on her blog, dated Nov. 18, was titled "say hi to forever" and carried a video of the song "I Go Deep" by British singer Jim Rivers.

The next day her boyfriend found her dead in her Paris apartment and alerted police. In April this year actress Jang Ja-yeon committed suicide at home and left a seven-page letter describing sexual abuse she had to endure at the hands of those who controlled her career. The Guardian report from the time says that seven other South Korean celebrities had taken their own lives in the six months leading up to Jang's death.

Ahn Jae-hwan, a 36-year-old actor, was reportedly mired in debt. Choi Jin-sil, 39, was worried she had pressured Ahn into suicide. Model Kim Ji-hoo, 23, was harassed on the net after coming out. Singer Lee Seo-hyun, 30, was also under attack on the net over sexuality. Actor Kim Suk-gyun, 30, was said to have been depressed. Transgender actor Jang Chae-won, 26, left a suicide note online.

At the end of May this year the former ~~Prime Minister~~ President of the country, Roh Moo-Hyun leapt to his death from a hill behind his house. He was in the midst of a bribery scandal. His suicide note said:

I am in debt to too many people. Too many people have suffered because of me. And I cannot imagine the suffering they will go through in the future.

South Korea has the 11th highest suicide rate in the world, according to a report from the World Health Organization, based on 2006 figures (via Wikipedia).

New York Restaurant Owners Turn Evil [Hells Kitchen]

Ravi Somaiya — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:09:06 -0500

Times are tough, and people are sat at home chewing bellybutton fluff instead of eating out or ordering in. What are restaurant owners doing? Some are not paying staff, and others are sending abusive emails calling them "fucking lazy motherfuckers."

Vadim Ponorovsky, the owner of Paradou, a restaurant in the Meatpacking district, described on its website as a "light-filled, airy oasis... filled with warmth and charm," really REALLY wants waitstaff to collect email addresses from customers, presumably so he can spam them. Here's the happy, team-building email he sent out, from a tipster.

To All,

Please read this email carefully. This is the last time we will be discussing this.

This weekend, saturday and sunday we had 451 customers. Guess how many emails we collected? 60? 80? 40? No. None of those. We, or more acurately you, collected 2 emails. Thats less than half of one percent. 2 fucking emails.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ASSHOLES?!?!?! How many times do we have to tell you how important it is that you collect emails. Everytime we have a slow night and you make no money and you sit there bitching about how you make no money, remember its because youre fucking lazy motherfuckers. YOU SHOULD ALL BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY!!!!! ALL OF YOU, INCLUDING THE HOSTS!!!!

Let me guess, youre probably sitting there saying "Vadim is such a fucking asshole. How dare he speak to me like this. I dont need this." Youre right, you dont, so why dont you get the fuck out. Any and all of you.

Youre probably sitting there saying "How dare he speak to me like this. How dare he not have respect for me". Youre right there also. I have absolutely no respect for any of you. Why? Because every fucking day, all of you continue to show that you have absolutely no respect for me or Alex. So if you dont respect us enough to do the little that we ask you to do, then GET THE FUCK OUT YOU FUCKING LAZY DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLES!!!!!

Effective immediately, any server or host who fails to collect at least 20 emails per week, will be fined $100. Anyone failing to collect at least 20 emails for two weeks in a month will be fired immediately. No matter what. No matter who you are.

You dont want to do your job, you dont want to do what we ask, you dont belong at Paradou. Go find another place to work.

How dare you disrespect Alex and me this way. How dare you completely ignore what we ask of you time after time after time.

I am sick of all this shit, you bunch of fucking children. This is what I have to deal with at 6AM?!?!? I wouldnt tolerate this from my 13 year old, and Im sure as shit not going to tolerate it from any of you assholes.

You give no respect, you get 10 times back.

Be nice to waiters people! Tip generously! Tell them they look nice! They have enough trouble. And sometimes they don't get even get paid.

UPDATE: Ponorovsky has explained the email to Daniel Maurer of New York Magazine's Grub Street (and also to Eater).

He did not respond to an email from us seeking comment. But to add to that defense here is a message he sent our tipster when he found out they'd forwarded his fiery missive.

If the people who work for me are not happy they can find employment elsewhere. I do not hide. I speak my mind. They get praise when they deserve it and they got this because they desrved it too. I have no time for your childish sniping. And if anyone on my staff feels that they need you to defend them, they've chosen very poor champions.

Now please kindly go fuck yourselves or each other

The man does have a gift for profanity.