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The Beginning of the End of the Jay Leno Experiment

Richard Rushfield — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:29:05 EST

In their quest to reshape television, NBC passed a critical milestone on the way to the primetime experiment's end this week — ratings fell below their own ridiculously low benchmarks to judge the show's success. Now the format's being reworked.

This Monday's show averaged a 3 rating and a 1.15 in the critical 18- 49 demographic group, which determines the show's desirability to advertisers. The 1.15 number was against powerhouse Monday Night Football, but for the first time it sent Leno below the 1.5 mark that NBC had said, pre-launch, would define success.

The free-falling ratings have also dragged down the rest of the network's after hours line-up. The NY Times reports:

Conan O'Brien on the Tonight Show fell to just a 1.8 rating in the overnight household ratings and the preliminary 18-49 ratings put him well below his main competitor, David Letterman on CBS. (Mr. Letterman's household ratings at 11:35 p.m. even beat Mr. Leno's at 10 p.m. a 3.3 to a 3.0.) ABC's late-night entry Jimmy Kimmel scored a 1.5, putting him closer to Mr. O'Brien — who starts a half-hour earlier than Mr. Kimmel - than Mr. O'Brien is to Mr. Letterman.

Across America, NBC's affiliate stations are sounding increasingly ready for war in the face of sinking viewership for their evening news show, pulled down by Leno's flailing lead-in.

To which the response from the show has been some minor tweaks to the format: moving the "signature" Jay Walking and headline-reading bits to their old slot after the monologe; moving them up from the back of the show — where they had been placed on the insane belief that people would stay around for them and thus provide a strong closer/lead-in to the local news. In other words, making the show even more like Leno's Tonight Show.

And now finally, the press, always eager to take a few whacks, has officially started the countdown clock on Jay's final days.

"To Save NBC, Rethink Leno Strategy" demands Newser.

"Is It Time to Pull the Plug on Leno?" asks an ABC news headline.

"Is Leno's 10 p.m. experiment nearing an end?" asks MSNBC!...of NBC network fame.

However, with the flood of bad press raining down on Jay's head, that can only mean one thing: rebound is just minutes away. While one would have to be certifiable to bet on Leno and NBC at this dark hour, the law of nature that no one ever lost a buck betting against the wisdom of the press has not been repealed.

Jason Reitman Diagrams the Modern State of Junket Journalism

Richard Rushfield — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:36:22 EST

Media can stare at itself all it likes, but it takes sitting across the table from today's news monster to really see what journalism has become. In a fascinating diagram, director Jason Reitman has pretty much broken it down.

Posting his chart on twitter, Reitman breaks down all the questions he's been asked in his Up In the Air press appearances. Shown in full the chart demonstrates first of all what a deadening experience it must be, sitting in junkets and having to answer, by his count, a full 111 times, "What's it like working with George Clooney?"

However, pulling up the number two slot, the world's entertainment journalists, sparked by the big contemporary issues raised by Up in The Air, asked Reitman 96 times about the economy. No doubt these were probing questions posed by the hard-nosed financial analysts of Ok! and Hello! to the director of Juno; questions we imagine along the lines of "So the economy,...isn't that just awful?" and "What does George think of the economy?" and "If the Federal Reserve were an ice cream store, what would be its most popular flavor?"

But hey, maybe those are just the sort of questions we need to be asking if this nation is ever going to think its way out of this mess.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Dodai — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:00:00 EST

Oh. My. God. I love the "Bad Romance" video so hard. And I love it even more now that I've broken it down frame-by-frame and discovered the underlying themes and hidden meanings. Let's begin:

Fade in. Ms. Gaga, ever the generous host, is just chilling with her minions, listening to music.

She is wearing her razor-blade sunglasses, because a girl can never be too careful. The world assaults us with images! We must fight back! (Or, as she told MTV News: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths… That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.") I certainly hope you're taking notes.

FYI: Motherboard, barbed wire or fine screen door mesh manicures are the new hot shit. Adjust accordingly.

Suddenly, there's a flash of light.

A room! With Ukranian vodka! This must be a dream. Or a nightmare?

Coffin-like pods line the floor. Note the one which reads "Monster," as therein lies our heroine.

By the way: Since The Lady refers to her creative team as the Haus of Gaga, this scenario, naturally, takes place in the Bath Haus of Gaga.

The Lady emerges, wrapped up for freshness.

It's important to loosen up the joints and muscles after being transported — nay, kidnapped — into a questionable dimension. Working out with friends keeps you motivated.

Speeding through a hole in the time/space continuum often leaves a layer of grime. Bathing is a must.

Here, her eyes are wide with knowledge, not fear: She is a captive!

Product placement! Did you know that Dr. Dre, who has his own Beats By Dre headphones, worked with The Lady to make Heartbeats by Lady Gaga?

Back to the story: Gaga is ripped from the bath by her captors.

She is really just an innocent young thing, what could they possibly want with her?

Well, first they'd like to strip her of her latex garments…

…Then they'd like to force imported vodka down her throat. The usual Tuesday night stuff.

Fueled by liquor, Gaga is trussed up in a sparkly ensemble, robbed of her Burberry overcoat and forced to dance.

So many male bidders, so little time!

The Man With The Gold Chin Strap takes an interest in Ms. Gaga. Gold+Man= Goldman? As in Goldman Sachs? Is Gaga part of the bailout package?

Her brain aches; she must make a choice. She can flee. Sure. But she can also stay and dance her ass off, use this man the way he wants to use her. She could really, really use the money, you see…

…She's got a little problem with her spine. And Oxford won't cover the surgery.

So she dances. She seduces him because she has to. And because she can.

According to The Woman's Dictionary Of Symbols & Sacred Objects, the bond between cats and women has always been strong. There was a time that the patriarchy, suspicious of this connection, would accuse any woman seen talking to or petting a cat of witchcraft. Cats were sacred to the Ancient Egyptians, and festivals for the the cat goddess Bast were huge. The Norse goddess Freya rode in a chariot drawn by cats, and felines were generally thought to be magic. So save your shaved pussy jokes until the end.

Oooh, looky! Our favorite ankle-snapping Alexander McQueen shoes from his Spring 2010 show in paris. You know, the Futuristic Interplanetary Mutant Alien Queen one. Not Derelicte In Wonderland… that's so Fall 2009.

If you saw the McQueen ensembles and thought to yourself, "Who wears that? Now you know.

Anyway: Gaga drags herself and her bear carcass peignoir to do what she knows she must do.

Mr. Goldman awaits, hand creeping toward his stimulus package.

He'd like to see what he's purchased.

She's happy to oblige.

But! Little does he know — she has power, strength, and can, like a young Drew Barrymore, start fires with her mind.

(See, she has already informed the others that there will be a revolt! That's where the red and the leather come in: Viva La Revolucion!)

Yes, the bed is aflame. Fire can be symbolic of passion, but in this case, she is using it as a weapon, to destroy her enemy.

In the end, her sparkbra is saved, but Mr. Goldman? He is merely a charred skeleton.

The moral: Buy flame-retardant lingerie.

Here's the video clip, sans commentary. Enjoy.

Lady Gaga Says 'Bad Romance' Video Is About 'Tough Female Spirit' [MTV News]
Bad Romance Exclusive Premiere [Facebook]
Lady Gaga Bad Romance [YouTube]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
An Analysis Of The Underlying Themes In Britney's New Candie's Commerical

Britney Scandal Down Under Reignites Debate Over Concert Faking

Richard Rushfield — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:08:48 EST

As a nation, we have clearly settled the question of whether it's okay for Britney Spears to fake a concert. Of course it is. But leave it to Australia to stick their mitts right back in that can of worms.

This past weekend, our beloved national trainwreck set off a storm of controversy down under when it suddenly dawned on fans at a concert that Britney was lip-syncing her songs; "miming" they call it. One critic on hand penned a review which featured disappointed fans storming out and suddenly, the old wounds of our great national Britney conversation were torn open.

The brouhaha has gone so far as to have Australian lawmakers calling for a new law which would require performers to state on their tickets that concert goers risk exposure to non-singing. China apparently passed such a "Name and Shame" law after controversy related to the Olympic opening ceremonies.

Over the past few days, however, her US supporters have raced to the embattled star's defense. Singer John Mayer twittered astutely, "If you're shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you."

And on Britney's own website, fans are leaving words of support by the thousands, registering their sentiment that Britney lip-syncing a concert is just fine by them.

So now we think it's time to turn the tables back on our little friends from the Southern Hemisphere whom have made our standard bearer feel so icky over something that we all told her was just fine. A few questions for Mr. and Mrs. Australia before the lynch mob does something that we assure them, they will live to regret:

• Do you really think there is anything real about the Britney experience in the first place that can be captured in a live concert?

• Are you prepared for the consequences if she tries to sing and dance at the same time and something terrible happens? Do you really want that on your head Australia?

• How do you know that it wasn't just a robot in the first place?

• Do you really think we'd risk letting the actual Britney travel to foreign countries with bizarre snack foods and measurement systems?

• If a robot sings live, and you feel that experience was "authentic" than who is the robot and who is the human being?

Its easy for a little nation to throw stones at the giants of world culture, but beware, those fingers wrapped around that rock end up pointing right back at you.

Gossip Girl: Threeway's Company

Brian Moylan — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:29:44 EST

There was a manage á boring last night between Dan, Vanessa, and Lizzy McGuire. Watch the video if you're a perv. We care more about how it shifted the power dynamics on the show. But we don't mind pervs.

The much-hyped threeway was really a bit of a let down on what otherwise was a rather good episode. Jenny continued on the path to being queen bitch, supreme bitch; Serena and Blair almost kissed and made up; Nate served as nothing more than a prop; and Jenny's little gay shadow Eric finally came into his own. We hate him for that.

Dorota:
Fashion Points: Even as a blur, she still looks ravishing: +3
Total: +3
Season to Date: 42
Power Position: Up

Chuck:
Fashion Points: Purple!: -1, Purple bathrobe: -2, Black tux and red bowtie makes him look like he's wearing one of those T-shirts with a tuxedo printed on it: -2
Personality Flaw: Likes to be punished: +2 (cause we're into that)
Sexual Intrigue: His "lost weekend" with Nate is going to involve some gay ass shit: +1 (cause we're into that), Are we supposed to believe that Chuck and Nate "shared" a stripper? They totally shared each other: +2 (cause we're still into that)
Social Schemes: Orchestrates the Blair and Serena Reunion Special: +2, Cares enough to give them scotch and cookies when trapped in the elevator: +1, Tries to get them to make out: +1
Total: 4
Season to Date: 27
Power Position: Up

Blair:
Fashion Points: Jenny gives her headband a fashion neg: -1, Her midsection is being attacked by a giant, glittery, red, leech in the shape of a bow: -2
Power Play: Doesn't want to be compared to Lance Armstrong: +1, Is still messing with Cotillion: -1, Stupid Jenny disses her: -2, Reunites with Serena, and it feels so good: +2
Quip: "This is not your wedding day. Cotillion only happens once": +1
Sexual Intrigue: Tells Serena that Trip is bad news, and she's right: +2
Social Schemes: Can create a queen with a dose of expensive mascara, will power, and an icy stare: +2, Steals Jenny's date: +2, Jenny foils her plan to humiliate her: -1, Turns it into a victory by admiring Jenny's maneuvers and making it known she always backed her: +3
Total: 6
Season to Date: 16
Power Position: Up

Serena:
Fashion Points: That black off the shoulder number is quite fetching: +3, Until we see how short it is: -1, Shockingly wears an appropriate outfit to work: +1
Personality Flaw: Has major daddy issues: -2
Power Play: Tells Blair that Cotillion is the only place she still matters. Burn!: +2, Reunited with Blair and it feels so good: +2, Quits two jobs in two weeks: -1
Sexual Intrigue: Trip wants to bang her and he is as hot as a bakery on the sun: +2, He must be a really crappy Congressman if he hires Serena to work for him: -1, She is totally going to fuck Trip and then his crazy wife is going to come for her: (preemptive) -2
Total: 3
Season to Date: 3
Power Position: Down

Dan:
Fashion Points: Never dance again!: -2, V-neck fashion neg: -1, Looking bustier than ever: +1
Personality Flaw: Thinks keg stands are acceptable behavior: -1
Power Play: Is single-handedly keeping a big-budget movie franchise sequel from happening: +3, Nerds hate him. If he were a big-budget movie franchise, he'd be toast: -1, Misses his sister's debut: -1, But it's to have a threeway: +2
Sexual Intrigue: Is telling people he had sex with Georgina. Ew: -1, Barely fights for his girlfriend when she's going to go off to be a movie star: -1, Let's Vanessa continue to constantly cock block him: -1, Until she is there for a threeway: +1, Threeway: +5, Vanessa is involved: -2, He just did it with his best friend. Awkward: -1
Total: 0
Season to Date: -2
Power Position: Down

Olivia:
Bonus: Against our better judgment, we like Olivia: +1
Personality Flaw: She can't study because she is stupid and they don't teach you anything in those joke schools kid stars go to on set: -2
Power Play: Won't be in Endless Knights 4: +2 (cause all good things must come to an end), Nerds love her. For a movie actress, that means huge opening weekend: +3, Holds a big-budget movie franchise hostage: +1, Has to do movie against her will: -1, The director kills the movie, not her: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Threeway: +5, Vanessa was involved: -2
Total: 5
Season to Date: -2
Power Position: Up

Nate:
Fashion Points: Manbangs are gone again and his hair looks like rusty Brillo pad that has been stuck to the soap dish for two months: -2
Personality Flaw: He seems depressed. Maybe he should see a professional: (no points, just a warning)
Power Play: Let's Chuck order him around like Blair does her minions: -1, Teen girls love him. If he were a big-budget movie franchise, that would be huge: +3, Still "epic": +1, But, really, it's Cotillion: -1
Sexual Intrigue: He and Chuck totally got gay on their "lost weekend": +2, Nate's biggest fantasy has been fulfilled!: +2, But he still feels the need to use some stripper as a beard: -1
Total: 3
Season to Date: -6
Power Position: Down

Rufus:
Sexual Intrigue: Is married to the horniest pre-menopausal woman in the world: +3
Social Schemes: Still doesn't understand how society works: -1
WTF: Gave his daughter the middle name "Tallulah." He was never famous enough for that: -1
Total: 2
Season to Date: -8
Power Position: Up

Vanessa:
Fashion Points: Lady dreads!: -2
Personality Flaw: Knows all the gossip on the Endless Knights movies: -1
Power Play: Professional third wheel: -2, It leads to a threeway: +3
Sexual Intrigue: Threeway: +5, She is involved: -2, Sleeping with your best friend is really stupid: -2, Where was your video camera for the celebrity sex tape? You could have made millions!: -1
Total: -2
Season to Date: -28
Power Position: Down

Jenny:
Fashion Points: Her Cotillion dress is actually really nice: +3, Tiny gloves: -1
Power Play: She's no one at Cotillion: -2, Can't dance: -2, A really hot, rich, gay dude wants to be her Cotillion escort: +3, He's gay: -1, She was so condescending to Eric when leaving Cotillion. It was awesome: +2
Quip: "You're over. And so is that headband": +1
Sexual Intrigue: Losing her virginity to Nate finally paid off: +2
Social Schemes: Can not stop the Gay Shadow Rebellion of 2009: -1, Disses Blair as her Cotillion mentor: +3 (for balls!), Embarrassed on stage by Blair and Eric: -1, Gets to walk a second time: +3, With Nate: +2, Impresses Blair with her scheming skills: +2, Try as she might, there is no way that Eric and some short, plain girl can dethrone her: +3
WTF: Oh, Jenny. You'll always be a Brooklyn nobody: -2
Total: 13
Season to Date: -31
Power Position: Up

Lily:
Fashion Points: The jewels!: +2
Power Play: Running Cotillion makes her Queen Mean Girl For Life: +3, Gets a "Brooklyn girl" invited to Cotillion: +3
Sexual Intrigue: Your ex-boyfriend's coming back and you're gonna be in trouble, hey na, hey na, your ex-boyfriend's back: -2
WTF: She sees less of her kids than Jon Gosselin: -1
Total: 5
Season to Date: -32
Power Position: Up

Eric:
Personality Flaw: Knows he's a better person than Jenny: +2
Power Play: Finally came out of the gay shadows: +1, Gets hooked up with some short, plain girl: -1, Blair teams up with him: +4, Thinks he can dethrone Jenny: -2, His only ally now is some short, plain girl: -3
Sexual Intrigue: He totally did it at camp with the guy Jenny wants to take to Cotillion: +2, He's cute and rich: +1 (bonus), Gets dumped: -3
Social Schemes: He fucks with Jenny's date: +1, It's to "save her": -2, His plan gets foiled by some short, plain girl: -1, Effectively steals Jenny's date: +3, She beats him at his own game: -5
WTF: For years of living in the shadows: -30
Total: -33
Season to Date: -33
Power Position: Down

Trump and Omarosa: TV's New Power Couple

Richard Rushfield — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:39:07 EST

In a time of chaos, the wise mogul keeps his enemies close, and his off-their-rocker trainwreck creations closer.

• Donald Trump is now getting into bed with his worthiest apprentice/prodigal daughter Omarosa. The pair are becoming partners to produce Omarosa's Ultimate Merger a new show which will attempt to find a husband for the reality star. The show's active subtext will address the question: what is crazier, to get married on a TV show for the attention or to actually want to spend the rest of your days on Earth with Omarosa?
[Variety]

• What with Robert De Niro's film career looking more and more like some rickety nostalgia act, Tribeca sees no doubt safer waters on the small screen. Tribeca has just signed a two year deal with CBS television to develop new shows. [Variety]

• Someone has stolen a percent of ABC! Since the digital conversion, the network's clearance rate — the percentage of American households with access to ABC's affiliates — has mysteriously fallen one percent, and no one can figure out why. The single percentage point could be worth $15 — 20 million a year, but more importantly, the new digital statistics now put ABC below the despised Fox network in national access. [Variety]

• The network meanwhile has pulled the plug on witch-drama Eastwick while ordering more episodes of Jerry Bruckheimer's new procedural The Forgotten. [The Wrap]

• While Oscar's best picture race may be getting all the attention, the Hollywood Reporter writes that the animation category is shaping up as the hottest race on the book, with the field potentially increasing to five films instead of the past three. Pixar's Up faces a conundrum as it looks at potential nominations in both the animated and best picture categories, leading to the possibility that its supporters will be divided in which award they vote to give the film, a split vote which could lead the balloon film empty handed. The category also looks to become a referendum on the state of film technology today with its ranks including everything from motion capture (Christmas Carol) to hand drawn 2D (Ponyo) to claymation (Mary and Max). [Hollywood Reporter]

• Meanwhile in the main category, The Wrap's Steve Pond writes that despite the new ten film wide category, the best picture race appears to have already boiled down to a very stable, very small group of contenders, with the Oscar world basically having decided that the Best Picture of 2009 will be either Precious, Up in the Air or The Hurt Locker. [The Wrap]

• Recession or no, the buyers have been out at the American Film Market. Hoping to snag the next District 9, international agents have picked up the rights to new films starring Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis and Jodie Foster. [The Wrap]

• Disney wont have Mark Zoradi to kick around any more. After being passed over for the top job last month, the President of Disney pics, a 29-year veteran of the company, has announced he is stepping down. [Hollywood Reporter]

Pro-Polanski Camp Accuses Emma Thompson Of "Petition Tourism"

Irin — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:00:00 EST

Organizers of the petition to release Roman Polanski are none too pleased that Emma Thompson has withdrawn her name: one is accusing her of "petition tourism."

"Madame Emma Thompson is but passing through petitions," writes novelist and filmmaker Yann Moix on the website of Bernard-Henri Lévy's journal, La Règle du jeu, this morning. "She does not own, she is a tenant. Worse: she is there visiting, with the badge ‘guest.'"

He adds, "In life, we must choose between whims and ideas...We at La Règle du Jeu would like to now sign a petition that Madame Emma Thompson never again sign a petition, because it would not be her signature that would be ridiculed, but this time the cause."

(Translation courtesy of high school French and Google Translate, so let us know if we've missed something).

By the way, Thompson's name has already been removed from the petition. An associate of Lévy, Liliane Lazar, told us that it was Thompson's request to be removed by Wednesday.

Update: A native French speaker has weighed in and the translation has been tweaked accordingly, although the meaning remains the same.

Madame Emma Thompson "Se Retire" De La Pétition Pour Polanski Lancée Par La Règle Du Jeu!"

Earlier: Emma Thompson's Name to Be Removed from Polanski Petition This Week

Which Two Famous Friends Shared a Same-Sex Make Out Session?

Brian Moylan — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:57:56 EST

Curiosity may kill a cat, but it can do wonders for a friendship. Just ask these two buddies, who gave making out a try. Also experimenting are a man in Spanx and a literate Twilight star. They're the cat's meow.

1. "These Celebrity BFFs are now settled in their lives and careers. Over drinks this last weekend, one of the stars told our source that in the beginning of the friendship, the ladies weren't sure if their budding friendship was something more. So, to test the waters, the two had a little make-out session, and got the urge out of their systems. After the little romp, the two laughed it off and decided their chemistry was strictly platonic. The two have been good buddies every since. Not Jennifer Aniston." [Buzz Foto]

2. "This good-looking and award-winning male actor has always been known as being rather vain. That's why it should come as no surprise that he is asked the director to help him mask his weight gain (he is a good 25-35 pounds heavier than when he first landed the role). He is especially self-conscious about how he appears when filmed from the side. We don't think he looks that bad with the extra weight (he has always been built like a tank), but the wardrobe person has fitted him with a men's compression girdle to help smooth him out. Just don't expect to see him unbuttoning his suit any time soon." [Blind Gossip]

3. "This Twilight star has joked about their big role before to the press, downplaying the appeal of the plot and movie and books. The star revealed to our source that they have now actually read the books and now has become a huge fan! Not Rob Pattinson." [Buzz Foto]

Who'll Be Back for the Next Season of Mad Men?

Brian Moylan — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:15:36 EST

The Mad Men season finale left a real easy way to get rid of a whole bunch of cast members. So, who is going to leave this critically-acclaimed show for fame and fortune and who is here to stay?

While Mad Men is a critical darling and its ratings are growing, it has never been a ratings bonanza for AMC and the pay is notoriously low. And after three seasons of being on "TV's best show," the siren song of more lucrative TV and movie roles may be irresistible. Plus, the way that series creator Matthew Weiner left things — Sterling Cooper as we knew it is dissolved, newly formed Sterling Cooper Draper Price may make it out of the Pierre Hotel, and Don's marriage is effectively over — almost any any character could be easily written out. So it would not be surprising if some of the regular characters disappear entirely from the show by next summer with nothing but a line of dialogue — "Oh, Peggy couldn't stand working next to Pete and Duck hired her after three weeks" — and a guest appearance or two.

Here your betting guide for who's coming back as a regular for Mad Men's fourth series, from most likely to call-your-agent.

Don Draper
Played By: Jon Hamm
Last We Saw Him: Lording over his new kingdom in a hotel room.
Why Stay: There wouldn't be a show without him.
Why Leave: After a great guest spot on 30 Rock, Hamm is getting more attention than anyone in the cast, for drama as well as comedy. He's also involved in several upcoming movies like Howl, The Town, and Sucker Punch.
Odds of Returning: 1: 1,000,000 (come on, there's no Mad Men without Don Draper)

Peggy Olsen
Played By: Elizabeth Moss
Last We Saw Her: Working for Don at the new firm.
Why Stay: She's a fan favorite with a great role and her character is on solid ground at the new firm.
Why Leave: To be a movie star! She's come a long way since her days on The West Wing. Between this an a well-regarded turn on Broadway opposite sushi-poisoned Jeremy Piven in Speed The Plow, now may be her time.
Odds of Returning: 1: 500

Roger Sterling
Played By: John Slattery
Last We Saw Him: Don's new best friend and business partner.
Why Stay: Roger gets all the ladies, funny lines, and best bits. Who doesn't want to play the scene stealer. Plus, Slattery and Hamm are besties.
Why Leave: There will be plenty of work for a veteran character actor like Slattery—work that probably pays a lot better.
Odds of Returning: 1:200

Pete Campbell
Played By: Vincent Kartheiser
Last We Saw Him: Don's new protege at the new firm.
Why Stay: He has a nice juicy, high-profile role that's far better than anything else he'll land.
Why Leave: He doesn't have a good reason.
Odds of Returning: 1: 100

Joan Holloway
Played By: Christina Hendricks
Last We Saw Her: The new office queen of Sterling Cooper Draper Price.
Why Stay: Because if she doesn't, we will slit our wrists.
Why Leave: Holloway is a sexy lady who has been on the fringes of TV for awhile. She may see this as her break. She's in next winter movie Life as We Know It, and she has proven to have the looks and the talent to anchor a TV show of her own.
Odds of Returning: 1: 75

Trudy Campbell
Played By: Alison Brie
Last We Saw Him: Delivering a cake in a wonderful red bucket hat.
Why Stay: Who else is going to nudge Pete in the right direction. And we need someone to show off retro fashions.
Why Leave: This isn't the biggest role, unless she and Pete get an upgrade.
Odds of Returning: 1:50

Harry Crane
Played By: Rich Sommer
Last We Saw Her: Eating one of Trudy's sandwiches at Sterling Cooper Draper Price.
Why Stay: He was saved by this plot twist, which means the writers have something in store for him.
Why Leave: Harry never gets to do much of anything, not even supporting character zany. He may want to stretch his legs.
Odds of Returning: 1: 10

Betty Draper
Played By: January Jones
Last We Saw Her: On the plane to Reno to get a divorce from Don with her future ex-husband Henry.
Why Stay: Because it would be great fun to watch Betty get tortured some more.
Why Leave: She has every reason to leave. Betty's storyline is at an obvious stopping point, at least as featured character. January Jones has been making the PR push, putting her boobs on GQ, hosting Saturday Night Live, and attaching herself to a number of projects. She also has a part in the upcoming Pirate Radio, so it certainly looks like she's planning a busy schedule away from Mad Men
Odds of Returning: 1:5

Sally, Bobby, and Gene Draper
Played By: Kiernan Shipka, Jared Gilmore, some baby
Last We Saw Them: On the couch with Carla being dazed by the TV.
Why Stay: They're kids. What, would they rather go to like real school? Also, they're Don's kids. You can't just erase them.
Why Leave: Or can you? If Betty leaves for good (maybe she and Henry settle in Reno and open a casino?) the kids go with her. And Bachelor Don is going to have plenty of babes to play with.
Odds of Returning: 3:1

Ken Cosgrove
Played By: Aaron Staton
Last We Saw Him: Left at the former Sterling Cooper, but as head of accounts.
Why Stay: A steady job—albeit a small part and, hey, maybe the writers need a way to a character to demonstrate life inside soulless McCann-Erickson.
Why Leave: Staton would be bummed to be cut, but it'd be really easy for him to go off and finally become a novelist.
Odds of Returning: 5:1

Bert Cooper
Played By: Robert Morse
Last We Saw Him: Keeping the sofa warm at his newest ad agency.
Why Stay: As an older gentleman, just like Cooper, if Morse leaves, there isn't going to be much work for him elsewhere. At least not with this high a profile.
Why Leave: He may not have a choice. Cooper doesn't do all that much, and when they need a big shock, it will be easy to give him a stroke/heart attack/Japanese armor accident at any time.
Odds of Returning: 10:1

Paul Kinsey
Played By: Michael Gladis
Last We Saw Him: Wishing Don had taken him instead of Peggy.
Why Stay: There's not much else for him on the horizon.
Why Leave: We have a feeling he doesn't want to, but if we're looking to streamline the cast, his peripheral character is an easy cut.
Odds of Returning: 75: 1

Sal Romano
Played By: Brian Batt
Last We Saw Him: Calling his wife from a pay phone before cruising the after he was fired from Sterling Cooper.
Why Stay: Well, he is effectively gone, but the way his storyline ended, he always seemed like he'd be back for more. Plus his "gay in the closet" storyline has tons of ways it could play out and lots of modern day implications.
Why Leave: He is already gone. Don could rehire him, but their main client is American Tobacco, the company that had him fired in the first place, so that seems about as likely as a Judy Garland Resurrection Tour.
Odds of Returning: 100 : 1 (but we really want him back!)

First Pic of Justin Timberlake as Facebook President

Ryan Tate — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:12:36 EST

It's always been tough to imagine Justin Timberlake fitting into a movie about the geeky origins of Facebook, even if he was slated to play hard-partying advisor and "founding president" Sean Parker. That mental struggle is over.

Pacific Coast News has snapped a picture of Timberlake on the set of The Social Network, the Facebook flick also staring Jesse Eisenberg as co-founder and current CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Andrew Garfield as spurned co-founder Eduardo Saverin. We've put the shot, above, next to a Jan. 2009 Getty picture of real-life Sean Parker. Timberlake's got the the curly hair down; with some highlights and that wardrobe he might pass for the 'N Sync version of himself from the late 1990s. Click to enlarge.

Timberlake picture by Pacific Coast News

Steven Tyler Breaks Up with Aerosmith via Blog Posts

Richard Rushfield — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:54:59 EST

This is not how rock bands are supposed to die. Bands are supposed to go out in a blaze of charred hotel suites, blood feuds and drug overdoses. Instead, Aerosmith's end came in a blog entry.

In a story the media is still trying to wrap its head around, guitarist Joe Perry told the Las Vegas Sun that all he knows about the end of his band is what he's read on the web, which is telling him that after decades together, Aerosmith is no more. After playing a show in Abu Dhabi last week, Perry said he returned home to Boston and read an interview Tyler had given to the website of Classic Rock Magazine in which in said he was done with the band.

"I don't know what I'm doing yet, but it's definitely going to be something Steven Tyler: working on the brand of myself –- Brand Tyler," Tyler told Classic Rock.

Apparently inter-band communications are not what they could be, so reading rumors and quotes online seems to be Aerosmith's only source of news about each other. The Sun quotes:

"Steven quit as far as I can tell," Perry said from his Boston home. "I don't know anymore than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don't know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don't know."

Part of the problem, he says, is that Tyler doesn't return his phone calls.

"He's notorious for that," Perry said. "That's one thing I've learned to live with. I try to overlook it. I like to pick my battles. Frankly, the last few months I've been wanting not to rock the boat. I don't want him canceling any more gigs. We really wanted to do these last four. We just kind of didn't want to call him out or anything and get him anymore pissed off, for whatever reason. So we just let things lie. So we did the gigs and, like I said, I got off the plane and saw this online. That's how I know about it."

And apparently, the band as a whole is believing what it reads. The group posted on its own website a link to a Boston Herald story about the Classic Rock story about the break-up.

[Via Hitfix]

Emma Thompson's Name To Be Removed From Polanski Petition This Week

Irin — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:00:00 EST

Emma Thompson was on The View today to talk about her admirable work fighting sex trafficking. Strangely, the ladies didn't ask her about another case of sexual exploitation—the one Roman Polanski perpetrated and Thompson initially appeared to endorse.

Thompson, you see, disappointed many of her fans earlier this fall when she signed a petition — along with a host of other boldface names, including Salman Rushdie, Natalie Portman, and Diane Von Furstenburg — demanding that Polanski be freed on charges relating to his rape of a 13-year-old girl in 1977.

Luckily, Caitlin Hayward-Tapp was nowhere near as abstemious as the View ladies: last week, the 19-year-old Exeter University student gutsily convinced Thompson to remove her name from the petition demanding Polanski's freeing. But as of this morning, Thompson's name was still on the petition, which is hosted on the website of French public intellectual Bernard Henri-Levy.

After we contacted her a few hours ago, Ms. Thompson's publicist told us that her client "...requested that her name be removed when she said she would. We have asked for confirmation from them but have not yet received it."

We also asked Mr. Henri-Levy's camp for an update, and Liliane Lazar, a former French professor who worked with him on the petition, responded, saying that Thompson's name will be removed Wednesday. As for why it would take several days to remove a line from a posting on a webpage, Ms. Lazar has yet to say.

Earlier: Emma Thompson To Remove Name From Polanski Petition?
Letters From Hollywood: Roman Polanski's Rape Of Child No Big Thing

San Francisco Braces for Gen. Tom Cruise to Move In (And Perhaps Lead Scientology Offensive)

Ryan Tate — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:34:48 EST

There's a rumor circulating in the San Francisco press and real estate community: Tom Cruise just bought an $18 million mansion in town. An overgrown pied-à-terre wouldn't be too terrifying — except for that local Scientology expansion drive.

Socketside heard Cruise was the buyer of an $18 million mansion in the ritzy Sea Cliff neighborhood. NBC Bay Area soon pointed out that, if that's true, Cruise's neighbors would be Robin Williams, Cheech Marin and the guitarist from Metallica. It's like the Bay Area's very own stunted little fog-swept Beverly Hills. But many locals will remember that the Church of Scientology was on the hunt for "apparent expansion" space starting in 2006, nosing around the once countercultural North Beach neighborhood.

So is Cruise, the alleged inspirer of Scientology beat-downs, spearheading a renewed expansion campaign by the cult to which he belongs? Maybe, or maybe said SF mansion is just being bought by another local tech exec like Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, per a SocketSite update:

Another reader quickly notes the mailing address for the purchasing LLC ("Tawaraya") is that of "a high-end accounting firm in Walnut Creek" which happens to advise Larry Ellison (amongst others). And The Real Estalker adds, "Tawaraya is a super posh and searingly expensive, 300-year old ryokan–which is essentially a Japanese bed and breakfast sort of place–located in Kyoto" which is rather Ellison-esque.

Oh great, more Larry Ellison dick waving. Don't we at least deserve some fresh megalomaniac mansion owners, out here?

Mad Men: The Night of Don's Reckoning

Brian Moylan — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:11:15 EST

The professional became very personal last night, as Sterling Cooper dissolves and Don has to account for all his past behavior in order to survive. As we all wonder what the future holds, the past has finally been sorted.

The season finale (directed by show creator Matthew Weiner himself) was all about Don's relationships and how he rectifies them in order to move on creating his own advertising agency. Usually happy to be the lone gunman, Don has to rally the troops in order to stake out on his own, which means checking his ego, doing some apologizing, and letting some of the people in his life know just how he really thinks about them. And Joan came back! And Trudy wore a killer hat. All was right with the world as it—and Don—strikes out in a new direction.

Don and Connie: As he has been all season, Hilton is a stand in for Don's father, who also got some face time this episode. We learn from Hilton that Sterling Cooper has been sold to a larger agency, one that Don—or anyone else for that matter—doesn't want to work for. Because of that, Hilton drops Don, which leaves him in the lurch because he had to sign a three-year contract to secure the Hilton deal in the first place.

But what he's really upset about is that he doesn't have his independence. He is energized by Connie's final question: is he going to be a whiner or is he going to be a winner? And with the promise that they'll do business again in the future, Connie gives Don the final push to try to take his future into his own hands.

This leads to the flashbacks concerning Don's father, who we learn wasn't happy with the price his crops were going to get in a cooperative, so he struck out on his own to do what was right for him. Instead of selling for cheap, Whitman Sr decides to hold onto his crop and sell it in the winter when it will fetch more money. Though Don tried to shed his past like a snake wriggling out of a dirty skin that was far too tight, he is still his father's son. When things aren't working out for him, he decided that he would rather do the right thing on his own and possibly fail, than succeed as an automaton for The Man.

This is later reinforced when we learn that Don's father was literally killed by caving in. When there isn't much money left, Don's stepmother convinces her very drunk husband that he has to sell his crop. He says he'll go immediately, and Don goes with him to make sure he doesn't literally fall off the wagon. But he doesn't even get on the road, when a spooked horse kicks him in the face and kills him. If he had stood by his principal and held onto his crop, he never would have been out there to be kicked in the first place, and might still be alive—or at least lived a bit longer.

While Don might be the indepence-at-all-costs, up-by-the-bootstraps, fuck-them-all-I-know-what's-right product of his father, he is determined not to be him. He is not bending over to get kicked in the face while McCann fucks him for the rest of his life.

Don and Roger: It was easy for Don to convince Bert Cooper to get on board with his plan of buying the agency (or striking out on their own, as they eventually do) since Cooper would be let go if the agency was sold again. However, it wasn't going to be a cake walk to convince Roger Sterling, who Don has spent the whole season trying to distance himself from.

It would seem that Sterling would much rather sit in his office counting his piles of coins like Scrooge McDuck while kicking back a few drinks and then going home to goose his pretty young wife before passing out in his expensive bed than actually run an ad agency. But he has the money and the accounts to make a new agency work, and it seems like he still has the ambition too. What he really needs is Don to supplicate himself, which he does with great sincerity. Roger hits the nail on the head when he tells Don he's no good at relationships because he doesn't value them. We see that with his home life as well as how things go around the office.

It's great that egotastic Don can be self actualized enough to know he needs Roger to deal with the clients and make them happy, since that's not in his grainy little heart. As we see during their scene at the bar when Roger tells Don that Betty is seeing Henry Francis, Don and Roger work much better when collaborating than they do when competing.

The other brilliant thing that Roger brings with him is St. Joan. As soon as Cooper brought up the fact that no one knows where anything is, we thought, "What a brilliant way to bring back Joan," and the vision of her sauntering in to save the day with her red hair coaxed into tight perfecting and the gold pen swaying seductively between her enormous knockers brought tears to our eyes. Welcome back, kiddo.

Don and Pete: Don has never been the biggest fan of man-child Pete, but both he and Roger know that Pete is the much better account man for the small (at first) firm they're planning than Ken Cosgrove, the upward failing buffoon who seems like he was made for a life in middle management. While Ken might have beat out Pete at Sterling Cooper because he was a yes man who could fit into the corporate culture, he doesn't have the instinct that Pete has to make it in the big time.

Of course, to get him, Don has to put his condescension aside and let Pete know that he will be a valued member of the team. Of course, Pete asks for more than he's worth, but better that than not asking for enough. This is really the best possible outcome for Pete. He was on the outs at SC anyway, and his interviews at other agencies may or may not have panned out, but he will succeed quite nicely at a firm that will value his gifts while overlooking the fact that he is an immature cad deep in his chewy center.

Speaking of great members of the team, Pete would really be nothing without Trudy. She fixes things up all nice when Don and Roger come a-calling, and excuses herself with a plausible story when they get there. When Pete starts to lose the way her call of "Peter, can I speak to you for a minute," sets him back on the right course. She isn't allowed into the conversation, but just knowing that she's listening turns his rudder in the right direction. She never strong arms, she just nudges. And then she brings sandwiches. And wears a cute hat! If Betty is gone for good next season, we're going to need someone to give us Suburban Splendor Barbie realness, and it's going to have to be Trudy.

Pete got over his hurt quickly and signed up, and another easy sell was Lane Price. Unhappy with being unappreciated, shuffled around, and generally maligned by his bosses and liking the life in New York away from the class constraints of his native land, Price was ripe for the crew to pick off. Considering he was integral to their plan to get the ball rolling, it's good he agreed. We look forward to seeing more of his strangely shaped head around the office. But, oh, his poor wife!

Don and Peggy: Don handled the Peggy situation all wrong, at least the first time around. He naturally thought of her first to take with him to the new agency, but he orders her about like he controls her. It's funny that Don has such a great way with seducing women in his private life but he can be so blind to what Peggy needs at work.

This whole season Peggy's storyline was about empowerment. She smoked weed, she slept around with a boy, she got an apartment and a roommate, she put her domineering mother behind her, she even got her secretary to respect her (even though winning over her colleagues was a bit harder). And finally, she realized that she has a promising career in advertising and a sexual being, both thanks to skeevy Duck. So when Don comes at her like she's a blubbering child, she finally stands on her own, letting him know that she has other offers, and that she is not there for him to kick around. Spurned, Don reacts the way he usually does when he doesn't get his way, by being a cocky asshole.

The way he handles her the second time was perfect though. Don uses his best pitching skills to win Peggy over. Don knows that things have changed—not just for him and the firm, but something fundamental in the culture—and that Peggy is necessary to keeping up with that shift. She's smart and creative and, like Don says, a miniature version of himself. She is often depicted as a mini Don, giving up her personal life for work, but this episode she seemed more like a grown up version of Sally. When Don makes his offer for a second time she says, "If I say 'no' you'll never talk to me again," and starts to tear up, betraying that all she really wants from Don is his approval. The scene where Don makes up with Peggy comes right after the scene where Sally storms off when he tells the kids he and Betty are getting divorced. It seems like Don making peace with Peggy, his office daughter, is somehow akin to him making peace with Sally.

Of course, Peggy agrees to join the team (she nearly broke our heart with joy with the tiny wave of excitement she made when storming the office) and her best moment was yet to come. When the newly assembled Mad Men All-Stars are planning to extricate themselves from the office, Roger tells her to go make him some coffee. She is a secretary no more, she is an equal member of the team, and she is strong and secure in her position. "No," she says in an even and forceful tone, which says, "You will never ask me to do that shit again."

Don and Betty: Wow, Betty actually did it! She asks for a divorce so that she can leave Don and marry Henry Francis. This was the only bit of tying up that had nothing to do with work. This year was very personal, focusing on the denizens of Sterling Cooper in their personal lives rather than in the office, so it was a bit surprising when the final episode centered around the creation of a whole new office. Of course, we couldn't forget about Don's disintegrating home life.

When he comes home drunk to confront Betty about Henry, he puts her journey this season into perspective: Betty was building a life raft. Everything she's done this year has been to get away from Don. Starting things with Henry, finding out his past, getting money from her father—it was her escape route. After all his transgressions, divorcing Don wasn't so much a circumstance, but an inevitability. Poor Betty, doesn't she see that she's leaping from one bad situation to the next. Henry Francis—who barely knows you but wants to marry you!!—will probably be just as bad and stifling as Don. Just as Don said, he gave her everything she wanted, and that wasn't enough, she still wasn't happy. Why does she think replicating it with Henry will have some magically different effect?

When Don chooses to insult her, he really knows how to do it. He calls her a bad mother which, duh, and then calls her a whore. There were several prostitute references last night which are that much more meaningful given Don's mother was a hooker. When he needs to show ultimate disdain for Betty, that's the word he goes for. When talking about the sale of Sterling Cooper, Roger says it's like going from "one john's bed to another." Painting the old firm to look like a whore is the surest way to get Don to distance himself from it. Also, Lane Price's assistant "Moneypenny" is really named Mr. Hooker. We don't know how that fits in, but...hmm?

Back to Betty and Don, she takes off for six weeks in Reno so that she can get an easy divorce from Don, because she can't prove that he's been unfaithful. Maybe she should make about three phone calls, because the wronged ladies shouldn't be that hard to dig up to testify against him. Of course bad mother Betty leaves the kids with Carla while she jets off with her new lover to Reno to get divorced/married. This makes us hate Betty.

Also, the scene where they tell the kids about the divorce was super painful to watch. Don tries his best to pitch the kids on the idea of their new life, but they're not buying it. Betty can't do anything but hide behind her hand and try to keep the tears in. Future lesbian Sally storms off, sad that daddy is leaving. Little Bobby pleads for daddy to stay, but he won't. No wonder this kid is going to be snorting lines with a very dapper, emotionally-distant Halston in the VIP lounge of Studio 54—he's working out some serious daddy issues. But when Don hugged his son and earlier when he climbed into bed with Sally, we see that he really cares deeply about his children, despite his cool demeanor. But he barely sees them now that they live in the same house, how much time is he going to spend with them now?

Sterling Cooper Draper Price, How May I Help You?: Don Draper's marriage may have dissolved, but his firm has just started. He, Roger, Bert, and Lane have drafted Peggy, Harry Crane, Pete, and St. Joan as their coalition of the willing to steal clients and bust into the art department (yes, we saw that someone placed a curlicue letter F in front of Art Department) to take whatever they can get their hands on.

This wasn't necessarily a cliffhanger, because the decisive action has been taken. We won't be left guessing "Will they leave?" a la "Who shot J.R.?" but we are left with plenty of questions to ponder over the winter (or in the comments section). Here are a few:

Now that Peggy and Pete are working in a tiny office together, are they ever going to come to terms with their past?

What is going to happen to Peggy and Duck? Is that still going on? Is he going to ruin Don's new agency?

Just what the heck is Bert Cooper going to do? There's no room for his armor and he can't take naps anymore. Do they even need him?

Lane Price's wife was unhinged before their stay in the U.S. became indefinite. How soon before she goes completely bonkers?

So, does this mean Betty is gone for good or are we going to get to see her staggering unhappiness with Henry?

How soon before Roger starts doing Joan again?

How soon before Doctor Rapist is killed in Vietnam?

Will they think of something interesting for Harry to do?

And what the heck is going on with Suzanne (nee Missy) Sally's teacher that Don was diddling? Why didn't he just go right back to her when Betty called it quits? Will she be coming back?

How sweet is Don's bachelor pad going to be? Just wait for the Mad Men furniture line at CB2.

If Don isn't married, is he just going to spend all of his time scoring ladies or just most of it?

It's Looking Not That Much Like Christmas for Carrey's Carol.

Richard Rushfield — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:09:08 EST

It's not the stocking stuffer Disney hoped for. After spending $180 million on the biggest 3D picture to date, looks like the Iger family might have to make make due with Hyundai's instead of Maserati's under their tree this year.

• "Moviegoers Stingy With Scrooge" is how boxofficemojo described a lower than hoped for $31 million opening for ' CG-animated 3D adaptation of the Dickens classic. Both Mojo and the LA Times point out that Zemickis last film, the similarly animated Polar Express opened in the same range but went on to gross $160 million domestic, with audiences continuing to chug in throughout the long holiday season. The LA Times however, recalls that "audiences embraced that movie like few others", which they strongly hint, will not be the case for the blah Carol. Mojo meanwhile, recalls that while Polar's opening was week, it was up against Pixar's The Incredibles, while Carol is up against...The Fourth Kind. [Box Office Mojo]

• Elsewhere at the box office, This is It, held on to the #2 slot, raking in another $14 million. The Men Who Stared at Goats did a decent $13.3 million. The big story however was early Oscar favorite Precious which grossed $1.8 million on only 18 screens, a mind-blowing $100,000 per screen. [Variety]

• The Prophet, the French thriller with tells "the story of an illiterate young Arab-Corsican man condemned to six years in prison" led the European film award nominations with six nods. [Variety]

• David Poland attempts to do the math on a NY Times piece and can't make it add up. A story this weekend contended that James Cameron's 3D goliath Avatar will cost half a billion dollars. Only problem, as Poland points out, adding up all the numbers mentioned in the piece still leaves one a hundred billion or so shy of that gargantuan figure. [The Hot Blog]

• Kenny Chesney will be the next victim of 3D concert film conversion. Sony plans to release Kenny Chesney: Summer in 3D in April. [Hollywood Reporter]

• The GE/Comcast deal is now just inches away, just this close, with the two sides agreeing on a valuation on the NBC/Universal — Comcast joint venture. $30 billion is said to be the price tag. Vivendi, by the way, which still owns 20 percent of NBC/Universal still hasn't signed off. [Hollywood Reporter]

• The Wanda Sykes Show got off to a solid start for Fox, averaging a 2.2 rating, which is a 16 percent improvement over Mad TV which held the slot last year. [The Wrap]

The Secret Formula of Nikki Finke's Success

Gabriel Snyder — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:30:45 EST

Dumenco: Nikki Finke offers Hollywood the thrill "of seeing a spun reporter do as told."

Which Gay Actor Was Outed on a Nude Beach?

Brian Moylan — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:51:12 EST

Breaking up is hard to do, just ask this exposed gay star and his beard girlfriend or this actor who hires hookers to bitch about his wife ruining their marriage. If only we could show them all the curb.

1. "Apparently this former B list movie actor and now probably a C, although with close to A name recognition has been scrambling because his beard relationship with his C list movie actress could be sinking quickly. The reason? Our actor thought he was on a private beach when he decided to lay out naked with his boyfriend. The next thing he knew, there were groups of tourists from a nearby hotel walking by and he is scared that someone recognized him and took pictures." [CDaN]

2. "This Hollywood couple's marriage is on the rocks. He may be the more famous of the two, but she has definitely been an important trophy wife for him. Since he still wants to save his marriage, it would be extremely inappropriate for him to be seen dating anyone. So, instead, he has been hiring girls for overnight dates at several thousand dollars a pop. Since he only lasts about five minutes, the girls are making about one thousand dollars a minute. However, they are obliged to stay awake while he whines on for hours about how upset he is that his marriage is falling apart. Does anyone else see the irony here?" [Blind Gossip]

3. "This C list television and movie actress has had quite the ride the past few years. She is probably as famous for one of her past relationships as she is for her acting. Anyway she used to be on a fairly hit cable show until two things happened. The producers of the show got tired of having their B+ list star of the show having sex with her and the star was starting to smoke too much meth with her to the point that nothing was getting done except the pair of them having sex and smoking meth." [CDaN]

Elijah Wood Is the Most Critically-Acclaimed Actor, Freddie Prinze, Jr. the Most Hated

Azaria Jagger — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:27:15 EST

Indie mag Miller-McCune performed mathematical voodoo on a zillion movie reviews to figure out critics' favorite and least favorite actors, as well as which critics are the nicest and the meanest.

Using scores from Metacritic, Miller-McCune weighted the critical scores of actors' movies with the relative size of their roles in those movies. The final list shows that everyone who was in Lord of the Rings is an awesome actor with great taste in projects, with Elijah Wood topping the list and Viggo Mortenson and Ian Holm (the British geezer who played Bilbo Baggins) making the top four, too. Philip Seymour Hoffman is as serious an actor as you think he is, and Jessica Alba is as big a hack. Bottoming out the list was Freddie Prinze, Jr., followed by someone named Eddie Griffin and a tragic Matthew Lillard who had so much potential, once. Here's an abridged sampler:

Equally interesting was scatterplot showing the relative niceness and consistency of America's 25 most prolific movie critics. We discover that the Chicago Tribune's Michael Wilmington drinks the kool-aid more than any other critic, followed by the Chicago Sun-Times' Roger Ebert's perennially upraised thumbs. The meanest critic in America is the Austin Chronicle's Marc Savlov, who gives low scores but deviates regularly. On the other hand, TV Guide's Maitland McDonagh gives low scores and has a relatively low standard deviation from her mean score, meaning she's always stone cold.

[Miller-McCune]

Clooney, Carrey and Oscar's Frontrunner Are Coming to the Movies

Richard Rushfield — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:58:13 EST

The Oscar season begins in earnest this weekend. But will the moviegoers bite?

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS
The Story: George Clooney and Jeff Bridges star. Based on the true story of a US Army psychic ops unit.
The Pitch: Dr. Strangelove meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Who It's For: Comedy with a social message type people.
Cause for Hope: Clooney and Bridges are seldom unfun to watch. Interesting, obscure story.
Cause for Concern: Comedy looks very heavy on the broad and zany.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 6

PRECIOUS
The Story: An abused, overweight illiterate Harlem teen dreams of stardom.
The Pitch: The Color Purple meets Welcome to the Dollhours
Who It's For: Anyone who wants their head bashed in by unrelenting horrifying tale of impoverished desperation.
Cause for Hope: Early Oscar front-runner drew ecstatic raves on the festival trail.
Cause for Concern: Endorsement of Executive Producer Oprah does not bode well for any hopes of subtlety.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter:8

A CHRISTMAS CAROL
The Story: Jim Carrey is Ebenezer Scrooge in the animated 3D retelling of the Dickens classic.
The Pitch: Shrek meets Pride and Prejudice
Who It's For: Families, or those families who can afford to take the whole family out and pay the premium 3D ticket prices.
Cause for Hope: Computer animation looks undeniably cool.
Cause for Concern: These CGI-fests have a habit of celebrating the technology over the story that grows very old 40 minutes in.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 5

THE FOURTH KIND
The Story: A town with an extraordinary number of alien abduction reports is investigated.
The Pitch: The X-Files meets Paranormal Activity
Who It's For: Extremely committed nerds.
Cause for Hope: I could see a movie about alien abduction read the phone book.
Cause for Concern: The scares seem to come from people sitting up in bed and screaming.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 3

THE BOX
The Story: A couple finds themselves with an ethical dilemma when a box arrives telling them if they push its button, they will get one million dollars, but a stranger will die.
The Pitch: Momento meets 88 Minutes
Who It's For: Edgy people.
Cause for Hope: The director of Donnie Darko still has a tiny bit left in his much diminished good will fund.
Cause for Concern: Looks very very much. As in taking itself much too seriously.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 5

A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood

Richard Rushfield — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:26:09 EST

You may not have known you wanted it, but now you're going to get it. 3D redux is here with its biggest tentpole to date, Disney's $180 million Christmas Carol, followed shortly after by the release of James Cameron's Avatar.

The alleged benefits to the entertainment industry of 3D's latest incarnation are many, if they pan out: 3D supposedly justifies higher ticket prices, 3D projection foils pirates, 3D supposedly turns moviegoing at movie houses into an "event" again. On paper, it's a veritable Manhattan Project solution to all of showbiz's woes. The only people who stand to lose are audiences, who will be forced to dig even deeper into their wallets to shell out more for the up-to-this-point dubious advantage of seeing things float around just in front of the screen.

And there is no guarantee all this will work out. After all the hype, audiences might just decide that the cost of moviegoing has hit a tipping point and they are better off staying home or taking their kids to get messed up on malt liquor in a convenience store parking lot for a fraction the pricetag. If things go that way, a lot of people in Hollywood are going to have a lot of explaining to do.

But this isn't the first time we've been through this. From the dawn of cinema, audiences have had cockamamie inventions foisted on them that were supposed to keep their dollars in the theaters. Some have been wildly successful, most have been disasters. Here's a look back at some of the greats:

Invention: Narrative Film
First Introduced In: 1890's
Alleged Advantage: Instead of just showing pictures of horses running down a track, for instance, films sought to tell a story.
Biggest Drawback: Film pioneers failed to anticipate that by the 1980's, narrative would become obsolete, and viewed as a tactic of artistic imperialism, to be replaced by oblique forms which allow viewers to create their own meanings and rely on indirect referencing to achieve a mise en scene rather than actually telling a story.
Outcome: Had its moment but ultimately doomed by the forces of hipster cinema and post-modern criticism.

Invention: Sound
Introduced In: The Jazz Singer, 1927
Alleged Advantage: Audiences got to hear Jolson singing "Swanee" while they watched him gesticulating in blackface.
Biggest Drawback: Once we let actors start talking, Lindsay Lohan twittering was only a few steps away.
Outcome: Pray as you might for someone to tell them to put a cork in it, talkies are here to stay.

Invention: 3D 1.0
Introduced In: Made its first breakthrough in the 1950's with films such as Vincent Price's House of Wax.
Alleged Advantage: Extra scary to think the monsters were actually in the room with you.
Biggest Drawback: Once audiences realized, ten movies later, that the monsters weren't actually in the room, the massive headaches brought on by 3D glasses no longer seemed worth the price.
Outcome: The fire died out but a tiny ember remained smoldering and waiting...

Invention: The Tingler
First Introduced In: 1950's for the film The Tingler
Alleged Advantage: Devices placed in seats made audiences fell they were actually being felt up by the onscreen villain.
Biggest Drawback: Being felt up by a screen villain isn't necessarily what one wants in their moviegoing experience.
Outcome: Like most of the gimmicks brought to the movie house by schlock producer William Castle, The Tingler's moment was not to last.

Invention: Sensurround
First Introduced In: 1970's disaster films such as Earthquake.
Alleged Advantage: Massive sound effect would make seats and your bones shake with onscreen rumbling.
Biggest Drawback: No one really likes having their bones shake when they are not at a rock concert.
Outcome: Sensurround didn't make it but it's memory lives on in the vision of Michael Bay and the decades of annoyingly loud movies that have followed.

Invention: 3D 2.0
First Introduced In: The Stewardesses in 1970.
Alleged Advantage: A new processing innovation reinvigorated 3D for the zany 1970's. The number "3" was especially advantageous to filmmakers in underscoring the specialness of the third installments of franchises as it was thus used in Jaws 3D, Amityville 3D and Friday the 13th, Part 3D.
Biggest Drawback: Despite the "D" audiences were still stuck watching a third Amityville Horror film.
Outcome: Again the flame died, but the fire was never extinguished.

Invention: Web Driven Production
First Introduced In: Snakes on a Plane, 2006
Alleged Advantage: Popular netsroots outcry spurred filmmakers to tailor the film, then in progress to the needs of their audiences, inserting extra nudity and swearing.
Biggest Drawback: Once fanboys on the internet are given any actual power, the collapse of modern civilization can not be far behind.
Outcome: After all their noise, the fanboys tired of their plaything before it made it to market. Snakes grossed a mere $34 million giving it the most off-kilter hype to grosses ratio in film history.