Deadspin

Yeah, I'm Sure It Probably Feels Like This For Knicks Fans [DUAN]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:50:37 -0500

If it's not bad enough just to be a Knicks fan, the graphics department at YES Network are taking potshots at them. Seeing this probably caused Stephon Marbury to snap out of his delusional state. Just for a second, though.

Alright, kids: another Saturday is in the books. Have a great night. Barry Petchesky will be your guide tomorrow. Treat him well.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Because that November is a time which I must put out of my mind...

Oh my God. That video is awkward. I have just realized that Morrissey is much better when he is simply heard, not seen. But who isn't, right? Other than Bobcat Goldthwait, although he's not that pleasant to look at either. Just forget it.

Good night.

(thanks to James for the pic)

Chad Ochocinco Doesn't Want You Catching Any Venereal Diseases [Chad Ochocinco]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:50:29 -0500

Somewhat making good on a threat he made during the filming of HBO's Hard Knocks, Chad Ochocinco posted a mockup of what a package of Ocho Cinco Condoms might look like. Are they made out of pigskin? [Black Sports Online]

Canadian Dads Are Sick Of How Much Their Hockey-Playing Daughters Stink [Hockey]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:20:03 -0500

Canadian fathers, already emasculated by their daughters being better hockey players than they ever were, have directed their misplaced aggression at the noxious fumes emanating from their little princesses' hockey gear.

Some hockey dads from British Columbia have invented a product that they claim will get rid of the stench that hockey gear invariably becomes afflicted with - and they have named said product Hockey Sudz.

After two years of trial and error, the advent of the frontload washer and plenty of research, Keith Howlett and his partner created the soap-based product that's antibacterial, biodegradable, hypo-allergenic and won't break down the glue that holds hockey gear together.

Dr. Paul Basson, team physician for the Western Hockey League's Chilliwack Bruins, says the build-up of sweat with heat and humidity leads to the growth of all sorts of bacteria and fungi and some of it can be dangerous, and even in rare cases causing flesh eating disease.

Far out, but for those of you in the U.S. who would like to purchase their product for your stench-related needs, you are out of luck. Unless you want to travel to Canuckistan - at this point, it's only available in Western Canada.

It's great that these dads took matters in their own hands, but it still doesn't change the awkward relationships they have with their daughters. The resentment these dads feel will only fester and get worse. Does anybody know if there is a Canadian Dr. Phil?

B.C. hockey dads invent detergent to wipe stench from daughters' hockey gear [NHL.com]

The Fruit Of Chris Cris Collinsworth's Loins Is A Pretty Good Football Player [High School Football]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:35:35 -0500

Austin Collinsworth, son of Bengals great/awkward commentator Cris Collinsworth, has won the Paul Hornung Award, given to the top high school football player in Kentucky. The question is, how is Austin with the fourteen to eighteen-year old-chicks? [The Cincinnati Enquirer]

Japanese Gaming Cards With Photoshopped NBA Players Are Disrespectful To Frowns [Nba]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:45:21 -0500

Can you see that I am serious? Really, I have no idea what the hell is going on here or how to explain it - all I know is that these photoshops are hilarious.

From what I can decipher, there is some Japanese video game series called The King of Fighters, which I assume must be something like Mortal Kombat, just more Japanese-ey-ey. And since it is a Japanese product, there is a set of gaming cards associated with this particular video game. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if there were Hentai Tentacle Porn gaming cards.

This is where some photoshopping wisenheimer comes in, photoshops the faces of NBA players on them and uploads them to a Flickr account. And I must say, he or she did a bang-up job. Here is but a sampling:

Sometimes, it's the little things that make you laugh. That reminds me, there hasn't been an amusing story about midgets in way too long.

SUPER!BASKETBALL!FIGHTING!EXCITEMENT!BATTLE! [Hardwood Paroxysm]
The Weirdest/Coolest Japanese Themed NBA Cards You Will Ever See [Last Angry Fan]

Your Late Afternoon College Football Viewing Open Thread [Open Thread]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:55:59 -0500

Shazam! Actually, "lame" is a good way to describe today's slate of football games. Do you know what might make these games at least tolerable? Booze - lots of it. Drink Like A Champion Today! (taps sign on Beer Meister)

This Is Exactly Why Only Goons Should Be Allowed To Fight [Nhl]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:25:36 -0500

Sweet sassy molassey was this an ugly fight. Flyers center Danny Briere makes it abundantly clear why he has only been credited with two fights during his career with yesterday's atrocious "brawl" with Marc-Edouard Vlasic of the San Jose Sharks.

Ouch. Come on, Briere, don't bother starting a fight if you're not going to throw some punches. If all two players are going to do is grapple, fall on the ice and wait for the referees to separate them, what's the point? NHL fans should not have to be subjected to this kind of rubbish. Don't we have to put up with enough already?

Obviously, this is all Gary Bettman's fault. Screw that guy.

Clippers Broadcasters Suspended For Mispronouncing 'Iranian' [Nba]

Weed Against Speed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:25:37 -0500

Play-by-play man Ralph Lawler and analyst Mike Smith have been suspended for one game for calling Grizzlies center Hamed Haddadi an "EYE-ranian." The Iron Sheik would probably like to take these guys on in a cage match. [Los Angeles Times]

Sports Fella "Suspended" Over Angry Tweets, Not Allowed To Watch TV, Talk On Phone For Two Weeks [Media Meltdowns]

DAULERIO — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:00:03 -0500

Bill Simmons was suspended for letting his 1, 010, 999 Twitter followers know how he feels about about certain WEEI talk show hosts, but he's still able to talk about his book tour. Rob King, WWL.com's courageous editor, offers explanation.

We have internal guidelines designed to inform how we discuss the topic of sports media. These guidelines are important us, because they help maintain the credibility with which ESPN operates.
No one knows the guidelines better than Bill Simmons, and he customarily works within these standards. He also understands, as does everyone else at ESPN, that we regard these guidelines as being equally important when participating in social media.

While it's unfortunate — and sometimes painful — that not everyone outside of ESPN chooses to play by such rules, we choose to hold ourselves to higher standards. Regardless of the provocation, Bill's communication regarding WEEI fell short of those standards. So we've taken appropriate measures.

This shows ESPN employees that, even though the social media policy is still in its teething stage, this sets some clear guidelines that you cannot lash out at WEEI (an ESPN affiliate) even when provoked. This is also the same type of punishment parents give their teenage daughters for mouthing off at the dinner table.

Simmons has a much longer leash about stuff like this than many other Bristol employees who Tweet so that's why it's somewhat surprising that they enforced this meaningless little suspension upon him during the tail end of his book tour. He's banned for two weeks from Tweeting about...what exactly? The NBA? Fantasy football?

Anyway, apparently he's only allowed to Twitter about his book tour from here on out and the only stop left is his rescheduled Vegas one in early December. This is great news for the ESPN Zone in Las Vegas who will get tons of publicity as a result of this.

Bill Simmons Portland Book Tour [Oregon Live]

PHOTO: By The Beard Of Zeus

Early Game Open Thread: This Rivalry Has Gotten Cuddly [College Football]

DAULERIO — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:00:13 -0500

Today Michigan and OSU do their annual dance of the overcrowded football stadiums with yawning interest outside of I-75. Blame Rich-Rod. The Duke Benterns battle the Artist Formerly Known As Katrinas Of Miami. Isiah v. Tebow. [LMK]

Brave Woman Gingerly Explains How Mark Cuban Checked Her Out One Night In Vegas [Nba]

DAULERIO — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 11:20:54 -0500

Always a great way to start a blog entry: "I was reluctant to write this blog because Mark Cuban does in fact have a family with kids and a lovely wife..."[The Flight Of My Life]

"Faces In the Crowd" Brought To You By Valtrex [Wake Up Deadspin!]

DAULERIO — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:45:43 -0500

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Giants LB Antonio Pierce is out indefinitely with the dreaded "bulging disk" in his neck. "I had no idea that what happened a few weeks ago could keep me off the field. I didn't think it was that serious. [ESPN]

• The Mike Florio/PFT Story as told to the NYT: "We've created a monster," he said, "and we have to keep feeding it." [NYT]

• White Sox closer Bobby Jenks doesn't see why his fatness matters. [Chicago Sun-Times]

• Mighty Mite, Mike Lupica says the Knicks are being disrespectful to their fans by not signing Allen Iverson. [The Sports Hernia]

****

Good morning. It's Saturday, so let's paint this blog. Rock out with your smocks out.

Screengrab: H/T Reader mjsah

Chuck Klosterman: American Polymath Napkin [Duan!]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:45:39 -0500

Chuck Klosterman plugs his Dinosaur book by doing an interview with the good people at American Polymath blog. Okay, truth be told, this interview gave me a reason to commission another napkin caricature from Craggs.

He opted for a beardless Klosterman because "beards are difficult in this medium — too inky." So let that genius insight ooze into your lobes, budding napkin artistes.

Enough.

*****

Hopefully, Jay Mariotti's Underground photo will surface this weekend. Tomorrow, I'll be taking the first part of the morning and Grass Against Greenies has the afternoon. Sunday, Barry Poopchesky rides the snake.

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. SKEETS! out.

Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns [College Baseball]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:30:27 -0500

Pat Murphy announced his resignation today, thus freeing up some time to roam the earth, seek out Drew and beat him like a readheaded stepchild, if he were the sort of man to do such a thing. [ASU Sun Devils]

The One With Jay Mariotti "Napping" [Deleted Scenes]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:15:47 -0500

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Good Thing He Didn't Wake Up, Or He Would Have Gone After You

Hello, I have two clear pictures of Jay Mariotti passed out on my friends couch during his after party at approximately 7 am last Saturday/Sunday morning(ed. Note. This is from September). Please let me know ASAP if your interested in obtaining these photos.

This Says A Lot About New York City's Public School System

My name is kareem rivers and I plain on goin to your college for many
reason to be a coach and be a basketball player iam very good in
basketball I my school I use to go to is franklin k lane high school
iama point guard and my coach names is peter banta contact him if u
interesting in a nother basketball player
—shawnprettyboy16

It's Just Not The Same

Subject: "Baby Mangiano"

Zombie Dirk

Sent from my iPhone

Sir, You Are An Idiot

I've been reading deadspin every morning since Berman was chasing leather. I've defended countless posts on your site as relevant to sports or that sports stars should be held to a higher standard. But I cannot even begin to understand how you could possibly think posting about someone's Mom committing suicide has any relevance to anyone other than the family and friends that surely have had to deal with one of the most painful experiences of their lives. There is nothing to be gained here but a few page visits and that is pathetic. I am ashamed of everyone I've been sending to your site for the past decade and I will never return until this post is rescinded.

The Sports Fella Fans Are Vocal

You guys should change the name of your website from Deadspin to "We wish we were Bill Simmons but we are not, so we are going to take pot shots and write jealous columns about him.com".
This is so transparent its not even funny. I wrote Dash about this a couple weeks ago and he said that he hadn't written any columns about the "The Sports Fella" that were truly negative. I guess we would have to argue over the definition of a negative article, but when it begins by mocking the guys nickname its not hard to guess where the rest of the column goes from there. I agree with everyting you guys say about the WWL, don't get me wrong, but Simmons is not on that team. He's not Bristol..
How about this: Simmons is entertaining (and just killing the much sought after younger male demo that most sites would sell thier wives and children for), Deadspin is entertaining also.
Leave it at that. Because while trying to prop your site up as being a true no BS site meanwhile shitting on Simmons every chance you get; you lose a shit ton of cred when you go after a dude who most of your readers find to be a funny and entertaining writer.
Who fucking cares what Simmons is doing? One word answer. Deadspin.

His book isn't some definitive telling of the game of basketball. Nothing with that much humor and smart ass in it can be judged with that set of criteria. Its one fans argument against another one. Nothing different than what happens in every bar on a Friday or Saturday night. The only difference is is that Simmons writes his stuff down. If people buy the book great, but don't go after it for something that its not.
By the way, I am a 27 year old male, work downtown Chicago and I don't get emails from buddies to alert me when Charles P. Pierce writes a new article (Who, oh the guy with middle initial, right, that guy).... I'm just saying. Love the website outside of all the "Sports Fella" BS though, thanks and keep killing it,
Austin

Definitely Should Be Part Of The Budget In 2010

I mean- I know you guys work for gawker, but conservatives really like sports too (besides NASCAR). I'm trying to convince the Packers that I'm the change at GM that they can believe in. We want Rush to own a football team, Shilling to be elected to Congress Linda McMahon to be elected to the senate etc..and since the WWL has some of the biggest libs working for it, it'd be a new avenue to hate them on. Seriously the liberal bias of ESPN may be worse than MSNBC. I know you all don't blog politically very often, I'm just asking for a little conservative spin.

Shattered Town Observes Anniversary Of Drunken Metrodome Coitus By Slamming Doors In Reporter's Face [Restroom Coitus]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:00:06 -0500

Carroll, Iowa, is the home of Lois Feldman, the woman who famously had a crapulent fling in the stall of a Metrodome bathroom. Carroll is also the home of many people who'd rather not talk about Lois Feldman's crapulent fling.

The event's anniversary is nigh, and the enterprising John Brewer of the St. Paul Pioneer Press took it upon himself to visit the small town in west-central Iowa. He reports back that "emotions about the tryst still run raw." That's fancy newspaper-talk for, "A bunch of people yelled 'no comment' at me from behind a slamming door."

Here's Feldman herself (she's apparently still with her husband):

Feldman, living in a tan split-level in Carroll, answered her door Nov. 13 in a black tracksuit.

"No comment!" she said and slammed the door.

Here's Feldman's mother:

"You hurt our community," Feldman's mother said of the coverage. "This is very hurtful. I just don't understand why you'd want to write about it."

[...]

During an earlier visit, Feldman's mother looked at a reporter and photographer in disbelief before telling them it would be better if the media left her daughter alone.

Here are some old people in a café:

"It's best if it just dies down," said one woman, declining to be identified.

"I don't know why they want to follow up on that," another person said.

"They want to rev it up again," another answered.

It seems that no one, not even the local strip-club manager, would talk at any length. (A woman doinked a guy in a bathroom one year ago and many miles away. What's an octogenarian with coffee dribbling down his chin really going to say about that?) And so ends Brewer's story, about how everyone in quaint little Carroll wants to forget that one thing they'd probably forgotten until a reporter came along to remind them about it.

A year after sex-in-the-Metrodome incident, a small Iowa town would like to forget [Pioneer Press]

Ten Questions To Ask A Woman Before You Propose To Her [Balls Deep]

Drew Magary — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:15:31 -0500

Okay, so we tackled the ladies' end of this topic last week. I think it's only fair we flip the script.

Got a ladyfriend? Thinking of popping the question to her? Good for you. Now, it's time for you to do your homework. You'd hate to marry your girlfriend without realizing that she has a secret zipper running down the back of her body, and that upon marriage she will unzip this skin suit and reveal that she is actually BEASTULA: VAMPIRE HYDRA QUEEN OF THE FIFTH CIRCLE. It does happen from time to time. Consult the "Succubus" episode of "South Park" for a refresher course.

I am not one of these people who thinks every woman out there is a raving nutjob. As I've said before, I think women are usually the ones who end up getting hosed in the whole marriage deal. They have to give birth. They usually have to do more of the child work. They get less real estate in the bed. They have to fuck men. It's not a pleasant thing. But that doesn't mean guys can't end up getting screwed as well. Here now are ten questions you should politely and discreetly ask any woman before you go ring shopping. YOU COULD TEXT MESSAGE HER THESE! SHE'D LOVE IT!

1. Can we live together for a period of at least one year prior to marriage?

Oh, are you Catholic? Don't like the idea of living in sin? Awww, that's so quaint. You're a fucking moron. Man or woman, you better damn well know if you enjoy the day-to-day experience of living with your potential spouse before you decide to get hitched. And the whole, "Well, we see each other all the time. We pretty much live together anyway," thing is WRONG. It's so terribly wrong. If you have your own place, that means you can GET AWAY.

2. Can we please be married for a period of three years before we begin trying to have children?

No woman will actually agree to three years. Strictly a bargaining point. Ideally, you negotiate down to two, one in a worst-case scenario. Are you marrying a woman over the age of 30? You're fucked. She'll throw away her blister pack of Yasmin two months before your wedding night. But if you're marrying a woman in her twenties, IMPLORE her to give you some time before kids come and ruin everything. Travel. Eat. Have lots of sex. Spend money on retarded things. You can do all that before you have kids. Get as much of that time as possible. Otherwise, you'll have kids, you'll pass each other in the night, and you'll ask yourself, "Hey, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON?"

3. I know we aren't going to have as much sex once we get married, but exactly how much sex will we NOT have?

Varies by woman. However, as a guideline, I'd take the number of times you have sex a month right now, divide that number by five, and then multiply it by zero. That'll give you a solid idea of how much future sex is in store for you.

4. If I agree to be the breadwinner in the family, will you accept that sometimes I have to DO FUCKING WORK in order to win said bread?

Happens to some men out there. They get married, they get a job, they have a shitload of kids, and then wifey is on the phone at 2PM every day saying, "HEY, I NEED YOU TO COME HOME." Or, "Couldn't you take a day off or something?" Well, no. No, that isn't how it works. In order to live, we need MONEY. Which means we have to fucking work, sometime late! We're not out a titty bar. We're not golfing. We're really, truly, legitimately working. And we'll be right home, unless you delay our work by calling every ten fucking minutes.

5. Do you cook? Or clean? Are you mildly proficient in home economics?

Again, this question works for both sexes. Don't marry some lazy bitch (or asshole) who won't fucking do anything.

6. Have we broken up several times before?

Yes? Then you're going to end up getting fucking divorced.

7. Do you take any medication for depression, particularly manic depression? What happens if you don't take it?

Oh, I'll tell you what happens if they don't take it. Your severed penis in a recycling bin.

8. I'm going to do my damnedest to provide for you and our children. But I can't guarantee we'll ever be rich or anything. Is that good enough for you?

Because it isn't, for some ladies. Some ladies will expect you to become CEO of Prestige Worldwide by age 37. When I worked in advertising, I had a lunatic ex-girlfriend who constantly demanded that I try and find a job in finance. Avoid women like this, women who could give two shits about you following your passions and seeing where they lead. Women like that are horrid.

9. I like lots of sports and music and movies that you probably don't. Will you not try and get me to unlove those things?

In other words, do you want to marry me, or do you want to marry some wet dream version of me? Because I'll never be that fucking person. Marriage is acceptance. You either accept the person, warts and all, or you don't. If your girlfriend is going to marry you hoping you'll become some other person who doesn't listen to Slayer and jack off three times a day, you may as well let her ass down easy now.

10. Would you mind signing this?

It's something that you need to have because if she leave yo ass she gon leave with HALF.

What it all boils down to is if you're marrying someone who's as dedicated to YOUR happiness as you are to theirs. Because if it ain't even, then you're fucked. Forever. I'm sure I forgot millions more, including any and all questions about the history of the Baltimore Colts. Our commenters will fill you in.

Horndog Hero David Berson Rumored Leaving ESPN (Kissing Suzy Update) [ESPNhorndoggery]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:40:36 -0500

Bristol justice is swift. Programming VP David Berson, known around these parts as the man who was engaged in a long-time affair with Kate Lacey, is apparently leaving ESPN. This may or may not be related to his horndoggedness.

The first tip came in this morning from an anonymous emailer:

Heard from a former colleague at ESPN this morning that David Berson is being relieved of all of his responsibilities. I asked the person who told me this if they thought it had to do with the Deadspin coverage of his affair, and they said yes.

You may want to check in with Bristol for an official response. Or maybe try to get in touch with Berson directly for a comment.

ESPN has not emailed back for comment yet. Berson's ex-wife, Jane, also has no comment after trying to be reached by phone.

UPDATE: Katey Lacey, also out at ESPN. Bristol justice.

ESPN's comment: "At the expiration of their contracts, neither will be renewed."

The back channel rumblings on this move: According to sources/snitches, Berson is being moved out of his current lofty perch (he was, at one point, ranked the 73rd "most influential" person in sports according to Business Week) but if this does have anything to do with the public confirmation of his affair with Lacey, what does that say about some of the other powerhouses at ESPN engaged in similar indiscretions. You know, like Jed Drake. Or MNF Producer Jay Rothman, who's out-in-the-open affair with a popular on-air personality has been part of Bristol lore for quite some time now.

Observe:

18 years working for ESPN (though only 3 at CT HQ), and just wanted to share a couple of things

1) Jed Drake (head of remote production) has a favorite phrase, "Use your best judgment at all times."

2) In one of the most notorious liaisons Jay Rothman, MNF producer (formerly SNF) temporarily left his wife and 4 kids for a very public fling with sideline reporter Suzy Kolber a few years back. I'm sure many others can substantiate this. I'm obviously not going on record.

Plenty of good people at ESPN, these are two of the worst.

ESPN sources confirmed the affair between Rothman/Kolber but say it is no longer ongoing nor did it compromise the MNF broadcast in anyway. Meaning, no she didn't get more airtime when she was doing Mr. Rothman. Then why do it, Suzy?

~~Do those guys get canned, too?~~ Guess not.

The ESPN Women ERG have their work cut out for them.

From The Desk Of George Bodenheimer: "Class, Dignity And Integrity" [ESPN Horndoggery]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:00:03 -0500

Hey, look! It's another memo from ESPN President George Bodenheimer! And today he wants to tell his employees about all the exciting things his company is doing to slow its steady transformation into Connecticut's answer to Gomorrah.

The memo, in full:

Our Workplace

Top Story 11/19/09 @ 3:33 PM - Updated: 11/20/09 @ 10:09 AM

A message from George Bodenheimer

My recent ITK message addressed a series of issues and allegations related to workplace behavior at ESPN. It reflected the pride and passion I feel for the work we do and the disappointment that follows when we fail to live up to the high standards of conduct expected of every employee. As we move ahead, we are taking numerous steps to enhance our efforts to maintain a company that shows care and respect for all employees and is free of harassment of any kind. If you have concerns, bring them forward. I assure you we will fully address any circumstance in which we are not living up to our commitment, especially those related to alleged sexual improprieties or discriminatory conduct.

Managers will be held fully accountable for reporting and acting upon inappropriate workplace behavior. Any leader who fails to act responsibly in this regard or whose leadership capability is compromised by their own conduct will not be a part of our Company's future. Our goal is simply stated: for each of us to represent ESPN every day with class, dignity and integrity.

In addition to the measures we already have in place, which can be accessed on ITK , below are some of further steps we will take:

• more frequent and prominent dissemination and discussion of our Standards of Conduct policies

• more frequent, in-person mandatory workplace behavior training at every level

• prominent publication of our employee Hotline number (where employees can anonymously report any concerns) and the list and contact numbers of our HR employee relations specialists

• a complete review of the workplace environment for all entry level positions with particular focus on studio and remote production staffing

• continued engagement of our Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) to provide on-going feedback and assistance in training, mentoring and guiding employees

These are all top-line descriptions of our efforts and HR will be following up over the next 90 days with details. I am confident that positive results will follow.

Thank you all for your support. I want to especially thank the ESPN Women ERG for its advice and counsel over these past weeks — your perspective has been tremendously helpful.

We have a great company full of hard working, kind, dedicated and generous people. Your efforts and unerring commitment are the foundation of our culture and the keys to ESPN's continuing success.

Kevin Johnson's Fiancée Accused Of Covering Up His Shady Past [Kevin Johnson]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:47:25 -0500

"A congressional investigation of the volunteer organization AmeriCorps contains charges that D.C. schools chief Michelle Rhee handled "damage control" after allegations of sexual misconduct against her now fiance, Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson..."[Washington Examiner]

Tim Lincecum Is High, Young Winner Again [Mlb]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:15:29 -0500

The San Francisco Giants goofy-headed pitcher of countless "Dazed and Confused" jokes has won his second straight Cy Young award. Take that, Nancy Reagan. (Counterpoint from this morning.) [SFGate]

Jay Mariotti Tossed From Chicago Bar After Scuffle With Patron Over Cell Phone Pic? [Media Meltdowns]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:40:54 -0500

We're waiting for further confirmation on this story, but according to multiple sources, Jay Mariotti was tossed from Chicago'sUnderground Night Club(fixed) last night after he went ballistic on a guy who snapped a picture of him. Haters smell blood.

Here's the email from our tipster who witnessed what (allegedly) went down. [Sic'd]:

last night was at an Akira fashion show at Underground Bar here in Chicago (my friend was in it). After it was over, we were having a drink and I end up seeing Jay Mariotti. (odd since I saw him about 3 weeks ago as well. Tis rare to have a Mariotti sighting here). He is with these two blond girls. (not hot). so he is getting all cozy with one of them being a complete creep. Kind of grinding and shit while giving back rubs. So just casually i said to this dude, who had no clue who mariotti was, that he was a national sports writer on espn....etc. So the kid takes a picture of him with his iphone.

Mariotti sees him and flips out. He is trying to get his phone to delete the photo. The kid is not budging. Keeps telling Mariotti "get the fuck away from me....i didn't take your picture loser." Mariotti wouldn't stop. So he lunges at the kid and tries to snatch the iphone. This started a scuffle between the two. A random girl was punching Mariotti on the head while the pushing and shoving was going on. The bouncers come flying in and take down Jay to the ground. Laid out flat on the floor with a gigantic 300 pound lineman type laying on him. Mariotti then gets the bums rush while yelling and screaming about how it wasn't his fault the whole time.

it was incredible. not sure what happened next , but i thought it was a funny situation.

We emailed Mariotti. He hasn't responded. Also, a rep from Underground Bar who was at the show last night said that he saw nothing "out of the ordinary" happen but also admitted he had no idea who Jay Mariotti was.

Our initial emailer is working on getting us the (alleged) photo snapped by his buddy. We'll keep you updated.

Showing Signs: Marv Albert And 50 Cent Now Have Beef [Rivalries]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:30:31 -0500

Marv Albert appeared on Wednesday's ¡Jimmy Kimmel Live! So did 50 Cent. This encounter could end in only one way: with fisticuffs.

Via our friend at the Sportress of Blogitude comes this curious Los Angeles Times report:

As Albert arrived, with an entourage of one, TNT public relations specialist Jeff Pomeroy, there was a sudden scuffle when a multitude of 50 Cent protectors seemed unfamiliar with Albert. There was shouting ("It's Marv Albert," yelled a Kimmel show guard, a pronouncement that seemed to have no effect on the 50 Cent phalanx.) There were obscenities. A fist or two flying. A "Don't you put your hands on me" pronouncement.

And finally Albert made it to his waiting room, relatively unruffled but slightly puzzled. "Did you see that?" Albert said. "I thought they were kidding, but then I realized they weren't."

Poor Marv. He's still the best play-by-play guy around. His star has fallen so far, however, that not only does he find himself in Kimmel's green room instead of Letterman's, but he now is merely an anonymous toupeed inconvenience to a more famous guy's entourage. I expect a sharply worded diss track on Marv Albert's next release of Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers.

Marv Albert gets recognition from Jimmy Kimmel, but not everyone at show [Los Angeles Times]
Marv Albert And 50 Cent's Entourage Mix It Up Backstage At Jimmy Kimmel's Show [Sportress of Blogitude]

This Is Why Anaheim Hockey Fans Can't Have Nice Things [Nhl]

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:15:43 -0500

Anaheim's Scott Niedermayer offered his stick to a fan after he won star of the game. Unfortunately, it sparked a melee between two gentlemen and a blond woman as a helpless Niedermayer looked on from the ice. [Puck Daddy/HTA.SanFillippo]

The Basement Tapes: A Compendium Of Sportswriters' Hacky Jokes About Bloggers [Media Meltdowns]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:00:00 -0500

Woody Paige, the orange person always yelling on your television set, recently disagreed with someone on the Internet. He then made a joke suggesting that the blogger still lives in his mother's house. Have you heard this one?

Here's what Paige wrote:

I give my opinion, which is based on sound information, thoughtful research and observation, unlike some kid in Arizona who is a Broncos fan and writes a blog, without proper grammar or punctuation or understanding, from his mom's laundry room and think [hilariously, awesomely sic] he knows what he's talking about, and people actually pay attention.

Aside from the fact that Paige has graciously moved the locus of blogging from mom's basement to mom's laundry room (as is often the case with these jokes, the blogger sadly appears to live in a fatherless home), it's the same old gag. You know the one. Blogger, underwear, mother's house. What follows is a collection, by no means exhaustive, of the bonnest mots flung by mainstream sports media in the direction of the blogosphere over the years. Print these out. Savor them. Read them in your underwear while holding down some couch springs in your mother's basement. I thinks you'll like them.

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The Washington Post fired reporter Michael Tunison after learning of his raunchy posts on the 'Kissing Suzy Kolber' sports blog. Tunison is expected to join the rest of the sports bloggers in their mothers' basements."

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The NCAA reversed course and will allow bloggers in the press box to file live updates from tournament games. It's a huge victory for the bloggers, giving them yet another reason to get out of their mother's basement."

Bob Costas, NBC: "It's one thing if somebody just sets up a blog from their mother's basement in Albuquerque and they are who they are, and they're a pathetic get-a-life loser, but now that pathetic get-a-life loser can piggyback onto someone who actually has some level of professional accountability and they can be comment No. 17 on Dan Le Batard's column or Bernie Miklasz' column in St. Louis."

Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe, writing in the voice of a blogger: "I'm living at home, in the basement, rent free, and I've got cable and plasma TV. Domino's delivers. I guess you could say I'm living the dream."

Scott Bordow, East Valley Tribune: "[Jim] Calhoun will have his defenders, of course, Huskies' loyalists who believe the story was a media smear job; some might even take Calhoun's tack that he doesn't read blogs, as if one of the most popular Web sites in the country is run by some kid wearing pajamas and writing from his basement."

Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: "Look, independent blogs are not reliable news sources. They're entertaining. I read them. Some have credibility, others might be some guy in his underwear in the basement. But we can't tell the difference."

Ed Hardin, Greensboro News & Record: "[Dustin] Long is the president of the National Motorsports Press Association, not some blogger in his parents' basement."

Geoff Baker, The Seattle Times: "And the ability to think about those things beforehand, truly, is what separates real journalists — serious ones, not Jason Blair types — from basement bloggers."

Mark Bechtel, Sports Illustrated: "Remember the good old days, when sports bloggers were potty-mouthed reprobates who fired off ill-informed rants from a couch in their parents' basement?"

David Wharton, Los Angeles Times: "Critics have portrayed [bloggers] differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "Assuming George Mitchell doesn't find any grounds to shut it down prematurely, the 2006 baseball season is just days away. That means that for the next six months baseball fans have a license to behave like bloggers — sitting around their dens in their underwear, staring blankly at a screen, pontificating on subjects they know nothing about."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "An Eagles fan named Enrico Campitelli Jr. decided to do a live blog while watching the Eagles-Texans season opener on Sunday. Not sure what Campitelli's credentials are — not that blogging requires anything more than a computer and a pair of pajamas."

Phil Reisman, The Journal News: "It may be time for Minaya to go, but not for any racist reasons put forth by mouth breathers who live in their parents' basements."

Jason Lieser, Palm Beach Post: "Mike Florio defies almost every stereotype affixed to bloggers. No braces. No pimples. No sitting in his underwear tapping away in his parents' basement."

Glenn Reeves, San Mateo County Times : "Leitch rarely loses sight. After all, he has a 10-second commute every day to where he works, making up jokes and typing in his underwear."

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: "Web sites peek around corners like sewer rats, operated by weirdos who live in their parents' basements, pretend to be experts and break 'stories' that gullible people actually believe."

Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune: "I'll give Mariotti this: Whether he realizes it or not, he might have been the nation's first blogger, without actually writing one. He has led the way by not leading the way to the locker room or the clubhouse. He writes what he wants without ever talking to a soul. The only difference is he travels often to events, unlike bloggers, many of whom sit in their underwear all day and update, update, update."

Tony Kornheiser, The Tony Kornheiser Show: "In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house (cackling), and got all the way into the basement and crushed them (more cackling), nobody would care. Nobody would miss them."

Sam Smith, Chicago Tribune: "How is it I can work for decades developing contacts around the NBA and traveling regularly around the NBA and talking with the decision makers and some guy in his basement in his underwear is writing something that has credibility?"

Pat Forde, ESPN: "Everyone wants to be Bill Simmons, but to my knowledge there's only one him. Two hundred thousand bloggers cracking wise from their living room in their underwear all want to be the next Simmons, but how many of them are being paid (handsomely) to do it?"

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I've been doing this 31 years, for a living, I feel like I go out there, I'm in the locker rooms, I'm in the clubhouses, I'm meeting these guys, I'm hearing what they are saying, whatever. It seems to me a guy like that has a little more valued opinion than some schmo who, as I say, is holding down couch springs on his mom's basement."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "There's some good journalism, and some really horrible crap on there from guys holding down the couch springs in their mother's basement that have never been in a lockerroom but are pining on this and that. And this gives them cache [sic], and then they're being quoted? What? This guy is in his underwear."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I don't really care what people holding down couch springs do or say."

Illustration by Rob Zammarchi, via The Boston Phoenix

Last Night's Winner: Tokers [Last Night's Winner]

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:30:49 -0500

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Ricky Williams and Tim Lincecum, who yesterday inhaled deeply the vapors of success. And perhaps some other stuff, too.

Lincecum won his second straight Cy Young and became the first pitcher to earn the award in each of his first full seasons. And Ricky Williams took over for an injured Ronnie Brown and ran circles around Carolina, putting up 119 yards and three touchdowns and keeping the Dolphins within reach of the Patriots. As you know, Lincecum and Williams share a taste in mild recreational drugs. In the latter's case we're probably in for a brace of stories about how Ricky has gotten serious and shaved his dreads and redeemed himself and all that. (Look, there goes one now!) For now, though, the lesson is simply this: Winners smoke a shit-ton of weed. Suck it, Bill Bennett.

Honorable Mention: The Baseball Writers' Association of America, which once again got it right with Lincecum, even though his 15 wins represented the smallest total for a Cy Young winner who was a full-time starter in a non-strike year. At this rate, Mauer's MVP is in the bag. We're all statgeeks now. [BBWAA]

Got a candidate for Last Night's Winner? Send it to Dash at dashiell@deadspin.com.

Uga VII Is Dead. Long Live Uga VIII [Wake Up Deadspin!]

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:30:00 -0500

•Three TDs for Ricky Williams? I'd say this is the start of an epic inspirational story in Miami. You know, if the Dolphins weren't 5-5 and going nowhere.

•Keep talking, Mangino. It'll only make things better to say you're giving these kids the parenting their real parents failed at. Maybe, if that parenting includes emotional, verbal and physical abuse, plus eating the entire Thanksgiving dinner before the kids even get a bite.

•Obviously we'll need a few years for perspective, but the Hand of Gaul already places number three on this list of the top ten handballs of all time. Unsurprisingly, Braylon Edwards is nowhere to be found on the list. (Also, it's soccer. I know. Shut up.)

•In more serious soccer news, an English Sunday league player received a yellow card for farting in the referee's face. Had it been another player, he would have gone down like he'd been shot.

•Curtis Granderson is shopping what sounds like the most boring reality show of all time, in which he'd take viewers on tours of stadiums. The "let's explore Comerica Park's outfield" show is a 5-parter.

•Shaq is going to curate an art show. Is there anything the man can't do? Besides play basketball anymore...

•Finally, Georgia's beloved bulldog passed away suddenly at the age of four from heart disease. I'm filing that sentence away in case we need to use it for Baby Mangino.

•••••

Good morning, and TGIFF. Try not to work too hard.

Iraqis Now Using Favre-Based Warfare [Nfl]

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:45:00 -0500

Iraqi militants have resorted to the lowest sort of psychological tactics in an attempt to break down our soldiers: bringing up Brett Favre.

At a Wisconsin National Guard camp outside Baghdad, detainees have learned the effectiveness of bringing up number 4 in taunting the soldiers. How this wasn't specifically covered in the Geneva Convention, I'll never know.

They know Favre by name," said First Lieutenant Tim Boehnen, who is from New Richmond, Wis.

"One of the big words they know now is shenanigans. They'll constantly talk about 'Favre shenanigans,' 'He's so good for the Vikings,' and 'The Packers have got to really feel bad about that one.' "

"They obviously then started up the conversations, and started talking about Brett Favre. They soon learned about Favre going to the Vikings, and things just started going downhill from there."

Detainees are reportedly also bringing up Ryan Grant's diminishing YPC average, showing soldiers the Aaron Rodgers Sack Tracker, and teasing them about drafting Greg Jennings when Brandon Marshall was still on the board.

Detainees at Camp in Iraq Use Favre To Tease Wisconsin Soldiers [WTMJ]

Maurice Jones-Drew To Miss Fantasy Playoffs Because Of His Brilliant Play [Fantasy Football]

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:15:00 -0500

Are you one of the 10,000 (ESPN) fantasy GMs who lost because MJD took a knee rather than score a touchdown? Well, so is he. But remember, he had 145 yards and a TD anyway, so quit bitching. [ESPN]

Put On Your Whitest Whites: It's Klan Night In Oxford! [Ole Miss Rebels]

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:30:00 -0500

Booted from his fraternity, Michael Hudec will finally have an organization on campus that cottons to his beliefs. That's right: the KKK is coming to Ole Miss.

When Mississippi's student council moved to stop the chanting of "the South will rise again" during one of the school's traditional fight songs, it was as effective as most student council resolutions are. That is to say, not at all. So the chancellor banned the band from playing "From Dixie With Love" altogether. Some gentlemen in white robes are less than pleased.

The KKK will hold a rally on campus before Saturday's game, according to Shane Tate, the "North Mississippi great titan for the Mississippi White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan:"

We are coming to Ole Miss to say enough is enough on attacking our Christian, southern heritage and culture, and it's time for every person to have a right to freedom of speech," Tate said.

Lago confirmed Ole Miss has been contacted by the KKK and said the group has the right to voice its opinions as long as it doesn't interfere with university activity or the personal rights of others.

"We aren't coming there to cause problems or cause trouble," Tate said. "Trouble has already been caused by a handful at Ole Miss, including the black student body president, who wants to shape Ole Miss into yet another liberal sodomite college."

See now, this is a perfect example of why everyone hates the Klan: poor grammar. Is it the student body president, who happens to be black, who wants to shape Ole Miss into a liberal sodomite college? Or is there an organization called the Black Student Body, and its president is the one doing the sodomite shaping? Listen up Grand Dragons of America. If you can't find a PR person to punch up your statements, and make clear exactly who's doing the sodomy conversions, you'll never get your message out there effectively.

KKK Planning Rally In Miss. [Daily Reveille]

The Last Time Russia Pushed Westward, It Didn't End Well [Hockey]

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:30:00 -0500

The KHL is expanding, adding a Stockholm-based team in hopes of drawing more western talent. A Russian-based league with a team in a non-Soviet country? That's as absurd as the NHL expanding into Canada. [On The Forecheck]

In Blackout Roulette, Jags To Bet It All On...Teal? [Nfl]

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:00:00 -0500

Sixteen years ago, one grassroots organization brought the Jaguars to Jacksonville. Now they're back, doing everything they can to keep them there. (Note: "everything they can" appears limited to coupons for nachos and soda at one game.)

Touchdown Jacksonville was a group largely responsible for convincing the NFL's owners that north Florida could support a football team. We saw how that turned out: every single home game thus far has been blacked out locally.

When the group was revived earlier this month, there were five remaining home dates. Much like a surgeon willing to leave the patient a limbless torso in order to keep the gangrene from killing him completely, they've made the final home game of the year the focus of their efforts (codenamed TEALgate Party) That's right: if the Jags can almost sell out a single game in 2009, it will be considered a success.

The December 17th game against the Colts has always looked like the most likely game to sell out. For one, the greatest QB of our generation is coming to town. Secondly. it'll be on national TV and no one wants to look bad in front of Rich Eisen. Finally, it's a Thursday night game, and since Jacksonville shuts down for the weekends, perhaps people will be able to attend.

But Touchdown Jacksonville is taking no chances:

Single-game ticket sales will include a coupon for $10, good for food, drinks or merchandise at the game if ticket buyers give the code word "teal" when ordering by phone or click on a Touchdown Jacksonville Web banner when ordering through Jaguars.com.

That's not all of the group's approach to boosting sales. Mike Hightower, chairman of the Jacksonville Regional Chamber of Commerce, said members of the chamber's councils are working with their groups of businesspeople to sell tickets. Jacksonville lawyer Wayne Hogan said his law firm will have its Christmas party at the TEALgate party and that it will fill about 100 seats at the game.

Strong work, Wayne Hogan. Jacksonvillians will be watching their team get blown out on national TV in no time!

Which brings us to the only remaining question: which sounds better, Los Angeles Jaguars, or London Jaguars?

Touchdown Jacksonville Has Big Plans For Jaguars' Dec. 17 Game [Florida Times-Union]

The Derek-Jeter-Hits-The-Beach-With-A-Starlet Photos Will Make You Miserable [Duan!]

DAULERIO — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:24:56 -0500

Our Captain is off on his annual off-season jaunt to a humid location with a young, bikini-clad actress-person whom he will most likely never settle down with and, unfortunately for him, there was a slimy photog in the palm tree.

It seems like it was only two years ago (it was two years ago) that Our Captain was seen sunning himself on the beach with a face full of Jessica Biel's squat-enhanced rump. Before that, it was those busty teenage girls. This year, it's Minka Kelly from "Friday Night Lights", sprawled out on a dock in St. Bart's as Our Captain watches the tide roll away, wasting time.

If anything, these photos should make pudgy journos reconsider that sentimental MVP vote again because, you know, fuck that guy.

Gallery at PopSugar

*****

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Keep Barry warm tonight.

Jayson Williams Saga May Finally Be Over [Nba]

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:30:14 -0500

According to the AP, Jayson Williams (yes, that one) has accepted a plea deal that will send him to jail for at least 18 months for the accidental shooting of Costas Christofi in 2002.

All the way back in April 2004, Williams was originally acquitted of aggravated manslaughter, assault and other weapons charges after he accidentally killed his limo driver with a shotgun during a party in his home. However, he was convicted on four charges related to his attempts to cover up the shooting and the jury deadlocked on a lesser charger of reckless manslaughter. His sentencing on the cover-up was postponed until there could be a retrial on the reckless manslaughter case, but due to various procedural maneuvers, that trial never happened. He's basically been out on bail for five years.

The retrial was finally slated to resume next January, but sources says that Williams will go to court tomorrow and plead guilty to aggravated assault, ending all the legal challenges. (He settled a civil suit in 2003.) He will face up to three years in prison, but will get a minimum of 18 months because the crime involved a gun. Plus, he could have faced as many 13 years for the charges from the original trial, but those have likely been negotiated down with the plea bargain.

So basically, it's been nearly eight years, but Williams may finally now be punished for trying to impress his idiot friends with a loaded shotgun. If you don't count his failed life, total destruction of his reputation, and possible loss of sanity as punishment. (That's a start, but after all, he did kill a guy.)

Jayson Williams is expected to serve 18 months in prison for 2002 death [Newark Star-Ledger]
Jayson Williams taking deal in shooting [AP]
Jayson Williams to take plea deal in shooting case [ESPN]

Colorado May Consider Bake Sale In Order To Buy Out Coach [College Football]

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:00:08 -0500

Colorado's football team stinks and no one really cares for head coach Dan Hawkins, but the usual solution—throwing money at the problem—just isn't going to work this time. They don't have any money left to throw.

At a preseason banquet, Hawkins declared that the Buffaloes' 2009 campaign would be "10 wins, no excuses." Since they currently have 3, I'm going to go out on a limb and say they aren't going to make it. Incredibly, Hawkins was given a contract extension last year, even though he has zero winning seasons and one bowl game loss under his belt. They're also in danger of losing scholarships because so many players have left the program their graduation rate is plummeting. But he's signed through 2012 and in order to make him leave, it would cost the school about $3.4 million. Not in this economy.

Normally, they would just ask CU's big ticket donors for the cash, but those folks already gave up $3 million to get rid of last chump they had to fire in order to hire the current chump. (A chump they would probably gladly take back if he wasn't such a fan of rape jokes.) The Omaha World-Herald says that the inner circle of "go to" donors has dried up, but that boosters have started reaching out the former Buffaloes in the NFL to see if they can help create a buyout pool.

Sorry, but I don't think Rashaan Salaam has a lot of petty cash lying around. Looks like you're stuck with Danny Boy.

What's the right price to get Boulder rolling? [Omaha World-Herald]

Pre-Thanksgiving, Coke Pinkies And Nazi Dinosaurs. Jamboroo, Week 11 [Balls Deep]

Drew Magary — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:20:26 -0500

Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed.

No time to waste this week, everyone. We're a mere week away from THANKSFUCKINGIVING, and I'm about to blow my stuffing.

Just a couple weeks ago, we had a pre-Thanksgiving at my in-laws. Everyone came over early on Sunday afternoon. There were appetizers out on the table, including chips and beer and what not. And my wife's mom made meatloaf and two kinds of potatoes and all this cool shit. It wasn't quite Thanksgiving. But it was juuust close enough in resemblance to be fucking awesome, and to get me jazzed for the real deal. And there was football on. AND BEER. Best of all, there were grandparents around to look after the goddamn kids, so I could go watch football uninterrupted. If you have kids, you know how important having an extra pair of hands around is. I'd let Charles Manson into my home if he agreed to look after the kid for ten minutes. I tell you, it's BLISS.

Anyway, I highly recommend the pre-Thanksgiving to all of you with family close by. Now, onto the Jamboroo.

The Games
All games in the Jamboroo are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5 Throwgasms.

Five Throwgasms

Jets at Patriots: By now, the Belichick fourth down gamble has been dissected from every angle possible, and the consensus is that A) Mathematically speaking, he was right to go for it, and B) He did a shitty job burning timeouts prior to the play, leaving him unable to challenge the Faulk catch. So he made a good call, but he doesn't get completely off the hook for it. While I delight in any failure Belichick experiences in his life, it's sad to know that future coaches will encounter similar situations somewhere down the line, remember the heat Belichick took, and decide to punt the ball.

That blows, because there's nothing more exciting than plays like that one, where the coach decides to say FUCK IT and goes for the win. What Belichick did wasn't all that different from a coach deciding to go for two at the end of a game, instead of kicking the PAT to send the game into overtime. Tom Osborne did that eons ago against Miami in the 1984 Orange Bowl, and failed. Mike Tice and Mike Shanahan both did it in the NFL this decade, and succeeded (NOTE: Tice's call came in the midst of a losing season, with no playoff berth at stake). All three of those coaches, even Osborne, got respect for their decisions. Belichick is taking more heat, because he's an asshole. But I appreciate that asshole for making things pretty interesting. Too bad he'll be the last coach to ever try it.

This game is the best late game on Sunday. If you're like me, you enjoy falling asleep right around the half of any 4:15 game and waking up sometime shortly after the fourth quarter has started. There's nothing like that post nap feeling, where you wake up on the couch, and you're under a blanket, and everything is warm and comfy. It's a delight. You usually have to go piss, but you don't want to because you're so snug and happy. Sometimes, you fall BACK asleep, for the double nap. Double naps rule.

Sometimes, I fall asleep during the 4:15 game and wake up right during the local news update at the half, which completely confuses me. What happened? Is the game already over? Is it 11PM? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?!

Chargers at Broncos: You know who'd be a kickass phone sex operator? That Barefoot Contessa lady. Sure, she's an uppity Hamptons cunt, but she's definitely got that Kathleen Turner phone sex operator voice. FLINTY. Oh, I'll make outrageous brownies with you, all right.

Also, NO MORE BYE WEEKS! FUCK YEAH! We made it! Nothing but wall-to-wall sixteen game weekends for the next month and a half. Enjoy it everyone, because it always ends much sooner than you'd like. THE ONGOING MARCH OF TIME BLOWS.

Colts at Ravens: Rich Eisen called it two weeks ago. Ed Reed refuses to run back an interception without lateraling. It's awesome. He's the best lateraler the game has ever seen. Apologies to Frank Wycheck.

Four Throwgasms

Falcons at Giants: I keep seeing ads for Tori Amos' Christmas album. That is the world's most unlikely artist to ever release a Christmas album. Even a Cat Stevens Christmas album would be less surprising. I know Dylan has one out now, but that's NOTHING compared to the idea of Tori Amos doing a Christmas album. I swear the ads for it look like an SNL sketch. Here are some of the song titles from the album.

-"A Silent Night With You"
-"Candle: Conventry Carol"
-"Merry Christmas. I Was Raped."

Three Throwgasms

Titans at Texans: It's not completely insane to think the Titans could end up running the table. They could beat Indy and San Diego, the two toughest teams they have left. Chris Johnson is laying waste to everything in sight right now. And the defense is solid now that Cortland Finnegan is back. When he was out, the Titans lost three games by an average of 33 points. GOD BLESS THAT FEISTY LITTLE FRECKLED BLACK IRISHMAN.

Dolphins at Panthers: Winner gets to .500! Tonight! Neat!

49ers at Packers: I still don't know what Mike Singletary's job is in that Verizon ad. Is he trying to direct the mob? Because he's failing. NEIL PATRICK HARRIS JUST BLEW RIGHT BY YOU, GOD BOY.

Eagles at Bears: I said earlier this week that I get weirded out when people do cocaine in front of me. Know what else freaks me out? Coke pinkies. You know the ones. Those slimy guys who grow one pinky nail extra long so they can use it as a coke spoon? That's creepy as shit. Sometimes you see that coke pinky on a cab driver, and you know he's about to run twelve red lights.

Two Throwgasms

Redskins at Cowboys: The only thing more boring than when the Redskins lose is when they win. DC people are somewhat happy. No signs are confiscated. No one's threatening to jam a fork into Snyder's asshole. Everyone gets excited because Portis finally got hurt. BORING.

Earlier this year, Jay Mariotti, who is retarded, castigated Tony Romo for wearing his hat backwards. He considered this a sign that Romo took far too casual an attitude towards his performances. This is, of course, an idiotic line of reasoning. HOWEVER, it should be noted that, last week, after losing to Green Bay, Romo wore a newsboy cap to his press conference. I don't care if you're fucking Obama, seeing any man in a newsboy cap makes me want to kick them in the face.

Bills at Jaguars: Congratulations to Dick Jauron for winning this year's First Coach Fired pool. Now he can go back to being dead. Which team will exhume him for d-coordinator duties next year? You'll just have to find out!

Seahawks at Vikings: During the Lions-Vikings telecast last week, they cut to a lady in the stands holding up a sign that said YOU BRETTCHA. Guhhhhhhh. STOP MAKING ME ASHAMED TO LIKE MY OWN TEAM, YOU HARPY.

One Throwgasm

Steelers at Chiefs: The Steelers have allowed a return touchdown in seven straight games. HOLY SHIT!

By the way, it's nice to see that Ben Roethlisberger maintains the exact same haircut schedule I had in college. He shaves his head, then lets it grow out until he's got little hairwings sprouting up all underneath his hat, then he has his friend do the number 2 cut on him again. It's the biannual haircut schedule. It's getting long again now. You can see the wisps sticking out under his helmet. His mom is totally gonna make him cut it. I swear to you, in about a week or so, he'll shave it all off, and his mom will get mad and say, "Why can't you get a NORMAL haircut? At a damn barbershop? Why do you always let your friends butcher you like this?"

Bengals at Raiders: The Raiders play in one of those stadiums where somehow half the field is in scorching bright daylight all game long, and the other half is in pitch black, I-have-lost-all-depth-perception darkness all game long. Cincy's home field is that way, too. I swear, you could go blind watching games on TV played in these stadiums. One second, Ocho is running through the dark part of the field, then he cuts, and your eyes follow him, and BOOM! Your eyeballs melt into your fucking skull. We need more dome teams. We really do. This is far too much sunlight for my tastes.

Browns at Lions: There are a lot of GEICO ads on during these games, and they always end with the tag, "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance." Have you ever been on a phone with a company for fifteen minutes? It's anguish. Two minutes on hold, and I'm ready to throw the receiver against the fucking wall. It's so not worth saving 15% for that.

Saints at Bucs: From Mr. KOGOD comes the genius that is HIGHDEAS, the website that catalogs good ideas you have while you're high.

…Arby's specialize in Roast Beef sandwiches, Roast Beef, R B, Are Bee, Arby's, seriously I hope I blow at least 1000 minds with this one…

… i think it would be hella cool if people could slither around like a snake then when u lyin down on the couch after smokin and want sumfin but dont wanna get up u could just slither around…

…Wouldn't it be a great highDEA if Sarah Palin went parasailing and thereby and henceforth changed the name of the activity to be called "Parah sailin" forevermore?…

Indeed. When I used to get high, I used to think about smoking different foods. I envisioned finding a way to smoke chili, by wrapping it in cheesecloth bag and hanging it in a smokehouse. I was determined to have it canned and sell it and everything. AND I was going to make hot dog chili. Chili comprised entirely of hot dog meat. SMOKED.

I never really developed a business model for this. But it sounded AWESOME when I thought of it.

Cardinals at Rams

Pregame Song That Makes Me Want To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall

"Step Out," by Oasis. I hate the fact that I like Oasis. The Gallagher brothers are the two biggest assholes on Earth, without any charm to redeem them. They sample more than Diddy (The chorus to this song is lifted from "Uptight" by Stevie Wonder). And they haven't made a decent full album in 14 years. Also, they broke up for the millionth time this summer. They're immensely irritating people, and I hated them with every fiber of my being when "Wonderwall" hit back in the 90's. And yet, I'm now powerless to resist them. Everyone has a band they hated at first, and then came to obsess over. Oasis is mine. Stupid Noel and Liam. YOU RUINED PATSY KENSIT'S PERFECT BOOBS, LIAM.

Back when she was pregnant with our first kid, I took my wife to an Oasis show. It was so loud, she thought the sonic vibrations were going to cause her to have a miscarriage. She didn't, of course. But I like the idea of a band being loud enough to eject a fetus from my wife's body five months in advance. That would fucking rock.

Embarassing Album I Once Owned That Will Not Fire You Up

"Heart," by Heart. I had both this album and "Bad Animals," the one that had "Alone" on it. I remember when MTV used to count down the top 100 videos of all time. Every year, they'd switch up the top of the order just for shits and giggles. "Thriller" was usually #1, but I swear that there was a year when "These Dreams" took over the summit. That video looks retarded now. But back in the 80‘s, it was the coolest fucking thing I'd ever seen. HEXAGONAL DRUMS, PEOPLE. Still a good song.

There was a classical music station I used to listen to a long time ago. They used to play "Magic Man" every goddamn hour. I swear, that song is 35 minutes long. If you were unlucky, they'd also throw "Barracuda" into the mix with it. OOOOOH, BARRACUDA! I never need to hear those two songs ever again ever.

Open Mailbag Tuesdays
Got something you want displayed for show and tell in the Deadspin Tuesday Mailbag? Your debilitating cocaine addiction, perhaps? Email me any question or observation you like.

Fantasy Player That Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death
I have to put Maurice Jones-Drew here, because surely his kneel-down at the one cost at least one person out there a fantasy game. But MJD has been a monster all season long, and he only knelt at the one because Eddie Money ordered him to. So really, it's Del Rio that deserves your scorn if he cost you the game last week. Stupid Del Rio. YOUR BRILLIANT STRATEGY MAY HAVE COST PEOPLE LIVES, YOU FUCK.

It would have been spectacularly amusing if the Jags had ended up missing that winning field goal, or having it blocked. You'd fully expect that sort of thing to happen to Jack Del Rio. In fact, it's a bizarre world where Del Rio's controversial strategy prevails and Belichick's fails spectacularly.

Suicide Pick Of The Week
Last week's suicide pick of the Jets was incorrect, making me 8-2 on the year. That puts the Jets, Falcons, Bears, Colts, Eagles, Vikings, Texans, Ravens, Saints and Skins off the board now. We once again pick a team for your suicide pool and something that makes you WANT to commit suicide. This week's pick? Pittsburgh, and child car seats. They air ads now suggesting that all children must sit in booster car seats until they are 4'9". FOUR FOOT FUCKING NINE. There are Costases who never grow that high. It's completely out of control. I gotta keep a fucking booster seat in my car until my fucking kid is 15? And take it with us any time we travel? That's insane. I swear to you, 80% of your time being a dad consists of installing and uninstalling car seats. And adjusting the strap height, too. THE FUCKING BUCKLE ALWAYS FALLS INTO THE CREVICE. Stupid kids. Next time, I'm adopting an 18-year-old.

Nazi Shark's Vegas Lock Of The Week
Lots of sports sites, to demonstrate the arbitrary nature of gambling, like to have animals like monkeys pick games to see if they can outwit their human counterparts. There's no reason we at Deadspin can't also get in on the fun. So we've asked National Socialist German Workers' Party member Rolf, who also happens to be a shark, to pick one game a week. Take it away, Nazi shark.

"This week, I like the Jets getting 10.5 points against New England on the road. I see Sarah Palin had a book come out this week. I like that lady. She embodies the hard-working, down home white folk that helped make America what it is today. Also, I'd finfuck her until her hair fell out."

2009 Nazi Shark Record: 6-4. Oooh, and check out KOGOD's link to the Fuck Yeah Sharks Tumblr. And Ufford has a link to NAZI DINOSAURS! NAZI FUCKING DINOSAURS! NAZI SHARK VS. NAZI DINOSAUR – WHO YA GOT?

This Week's Pants Party Winner
Last week's Pants Party winner was J. Mullins. He gets free rant space here:

I'm getting married on Nov. 14. As this posts I'm sitting on a beach in Mexico happy that I don't have to care if I can't watch the Bears get rolled by the Eagles Sunday. Fuck you Lovie Smith. And Jerry Angelo...some fucking talent this team has. Cutler might die b/c of this O-line. There's more holes in this Cover-2 than the number of f-bombs in a Jambaroo column. It's not a post Super Bowl loss hangover anymore...it's just pathetic. But at least I'm happily married. Now where's my turkey and pumpkin pie? Happy Thanksgiving to the rest of you assholes!

Awww, new love. He has NO FUCKING CLUE what's coming. This week's Pants Party winner was J. Ramirez. J. Ramirez, come and claim your prize. No, it's not permanent amnesty to the US. HEY-O!!!!

Great Moments In Poop History
Reader Dave chimes in with a story I call, "Poopy Hour":

A few years ago, I had gone out for a happy hour with some co-workers right after work, and then gone shopping for some clothes (rest assured, this is relevant). I had a few Guinnesses and your usual greasy bar fare. The next morning I had a bit of a hangover, but nothing that a cup of strong black coffee couldn't cure. I get into work, grab a cup of coffee and a bacon egg and cheese sandwich. After I finish, I sense the rumblings of a massive Guinness/Bar Grease/Coffee/Bacon shit in the pit of my stomach. I had nothing to read so I grab my Palm Pilot and proceed to the handicapped stall.

The shit's flowing nicely, I'm reading the news on my Palm when I drop it. It skids across to the next stall, and I get up fast with my pants still around my ankles to retrieve my Palm. Unbeknownst to me, a huge glop of shit had fallen on the floor when I got up. The back of my pants dropped right into that big glop of shit. Motherfucker!!

I carefully took them off and hung them up on the door. I emptied about half the toilet paper roll to clean up the shit on the floor and even from the tile grout. I put my pants back on carefully and started to clean them up with water and soap. This only sank the shit further into my pants. What made it worse was that a guy next to me was washing his hands and looking at me strangely. I just averted my eyes and kept cleaning my pants. They still stank, and I had a full day of work ahead of me. I remembered that I had bought some pants the night before and they were still sitting in the trunk of my car. I walked outside with my back to the wall so that no one could see the massive shit stain on my pants.

As soon as I walk out the door, there's about 10 people smoking and staring at my odd behavior. I ran to the parking garage got a pair of pants from the trunk of my car, ripped the labels off, sat crouched in the passenger seat, took off my dirty pants and boxers and sat down to change when all of a sudden something buzzed up against my ass, causing me to jump so high as to nearly knock myself out on the roof of my car. Turns out I left my fucking shaver (yeah I drive and shave) on the seat and sat on it, causing it to take a clump off my buttcheek hair. Finally, I got my new pants on, sans any underwear, sat back down on the fucking shaver once more causing it to buzz my ass again. I nearly fucking broke my window, cursing at everyone and anyone for how my day started.

Dude, never use an electric shaver. Ever.

Fire This Asshole!
Is there anything more exciting than a coach losing his job? All year long, we'll keep track of which coaches will almost certainly get fired at year's end or sooner. And now, your updated chopping block:

Tom Cable*
Jim Zorn
Eric Mangini
Jim Mora
Jeff Fisher
Dick Jauron – FIRED!
Todd Haley
Lovie Smith
Andy Reid
Mike McCarthy

We welcome Mike "Beaver" McCarthy to the chopping block a week too late. Still, despite beating Dallas, he belongs here for trying to challenge a call when he had no challenges left. And he wasn't penalized! You can get away with such things when Jeff Triplette is on duty.

Gametime Snack Of The Week

Cereal! I'm 33 years old, and I still put sugar on my cereal if it's not sweet enough for my liking. Rice Krispies. Corn Flakes. Plain Cheerios. I sugar all of those fuckers. At least two spoonfuls. The best part of it is when you finish the cereal, and you dredge the bottom of the bowl with your spoon, and there's some sugar left. You can see the little mound of it on the end of your spoon. That sugar is fucking delicious. Mmmmm, milky sugar.

Yes, I had a cavity filled last week. Why do you ask?

My mom used to give me those small travel boxes of Apple Jacks and other cereals with me to school. The variety packs you buy in the store for kids. You get about half a cup of cereal in those things. It's never enough.

Gametime Cheap Beer Of The Week

Tell! Official cheap beer of Switzerland! Reader Brad writes in:

Now that you have entered the international sphere for you cheap beer of the week, I nominate Coop brand beers. Coop is one of two major supermarket chains in Switzerland, and its beer selection is clearly superior to the competition. All of them are 50cl, or just bigger than your standard tall boy. My personal favorite was the Tell brand, promoting Swiss national hero William Tell.

When you are a college student studying abroad in Geneva, the world's most expensive city, getting drunk on the cheap is THE priority. A sixer of Tell would go for the equivalent of $4. They also had 80 proof liquors, branded as "Gin," "Vodka," and "Rum." Best part, they were normally mislabeled. It was like playing Russian roulette when buying handles. So the normal night consisted of downing a couple shots of mystery booze, a bottle of cooking wine ($1.50), and a sixer of Tell.

Geneva is also the place I became acquainted with the Backdraft shot. It involves the inhaling of alcohol vapor, which is a required part of hitting on 17-year-old Swiss lesbians in bars.

Let's see you find information that useful in a REAL travel guide. Suck it, Fodor! Also, I've been to Switzerland. Brad is right. Not only is it the most expensive place in the universe, it's also the dullest.

Robert Evans' MVP Watch!
Time to start thinking about who the leaders are for the NFL's MVP award. So every week, legendary Hollywood producer Robert Evans will join us to give us his assessment. Take it away, Mr. Evans.

"Baby, my favorite for the NFL's MVP this year is Peyton Manning of the Colts! All alone now! Cock of the walk! Top of the heap! Now, let me tell you about the time I had sex with Linda Evans on top of a mountain in Aspen back in '81. I had my Filipino assistant, Sammy, lay out a twelve-course meal at the top of the slope. Caviar? You bet! Antelope liver? Sure, why not. I also told the gondola operator to stop the ride midway up the mountain! When our little gondola froze in the middle of the night, Linda turned to me and said, ‘You planned this, didn't you, Evans?' And I said BABY, YOUR DAMN RIGHT EVANS DID. Let me tell you something, Evans and Evans made that gondola SWING that night! Damn near made the thing leap off the cable! By the time I gave the signal to start the ride again, we could have eaten fifty courses! That's Aspen in a nutshell for you. Glamorous? YOU KNOW IT! Sex in mid air with one of TV's great dames? Damn straight."

Sunday Afternoon Movie Of The Week For Browns Fans

Duplicity. I don't think I've ever seen a Julia Roberts movie where Julia Roberts doesn't play I character I want to knee in the tits.

Gratuitous Simpsons Quote
"Stupid fly! YOU GO SQUISH NOW!"

Halftime Masturbation Kit
-For the guys: KOGOD brings us this gallery of extreme body painting. (NSFWCC) It's nerd sexy.
-For the gals: Sexy Ryan Gosling. I fucked hated that Half Nelson movie.

Enjoy the games, everyone.

ESPN Ombudsman Report: 2,800 Words, "Horndoggery" Not Among Them [Media Meltdowns]

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:15:45 -0500

"Honesty with your audience is not a self-serving cop-out, and it's not an apology....It's a form of respect. When those whose trust you seek to maintain encounter behavior that is out of character, some form of explanation may be required."

Decade Retrospective: 2000 [Decadium]

Will Leitch — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:45:54 -0500

We commence the year-by-year look back at the decade with the year 2000, back when there were rocket packs, back when we all thought O.J. Simpson was just the smiling guy from the Hertz commercials. Simple times.

JANUARY
Y2K doesn't kill us, but it could have. David Letterman has quintuple bypass surgery. Dan Marino plays his final game, a 62-7 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point" is released. Kurt Warner and the Rams win a thrilling Super Bowl over the Titans, but dot-com commercials dominate the storyline, most notably the infamous Pets.com sock puppet, voiced by Michael Ian Black. AOL and Time Warner merge. The deal, surprisingly, is not delayed while AOL waits for its roommate to get off the phone.
FEBRUARY
In their race for the Republican nomination for President, John McCain upsets George W. Bush in New Hampshire, but loses in South Carolina amid allegations of dirty tactics on behalf of the Bush campaign. Ray Lewis is arrested on murder charges after an incident outside the Super Bowl. Dave Eggers' "A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius" is released. The Mariners trade Ken Griffey Jr. to Cincinnati, where he grew up. Marty McSorley hits Donald Brashear in the back of the head with his stick. Charles Schulz, Tom Landry and Jim Varney all die, though not at the hands of McSorley.
MARCH
Vladmir Putin is elected as president of Russia. Boomer Esiason is fired from "Monday Night Football." The NASDAQ collapses, signifying the end of the dot-com boom. Budweiser's "Whassup?" commercials debut. Sports Illustrated profiles University of Minnesota wrestler Brock Lesnar. Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan compares pitcher Rick Ankiel to Sandy Koufax. Dan Marino turns down an offer from the Minnesota Vikings to continue his career. Rangers pitcher Darren Oliver tells a reporter he's voting for George W. Bush because "it would be cool to know the dude in the White House."
APRIL
Michigan State, behind Mateen Cleaves, wins the NCAA Championship. "ESPN: An Uncensored History" is released by an independent publisher. Metallica sues Napster for pirating their songs, followed soon thereafter by Dr. Dre and Madonna. Mike Morgan pitches for his record 12th different major league team. Cal Ripken gets his 3,000th hit. "Hollywood" Henderson wins $28 million in the Texas Lotto. In a related story, the NBA approves the sale of the Dallas Mavericks to Mark Cuban.
MAY
The ILOVEYOU virus attacks gullible home computers. Boo.com burns through $160 million in six months. Malik Sealy dies in a car accident. Daniel Snyder signs Jeff George to a multi-year contract. Eminem's "The Marshall Mathers LP" is released to an unsuspecting public. "Party of Five" and "Beverly Hills 90210" go off the air. Lynn Swann is hired to serve as a sideline reporter for the upcoming Ray Lewis murder trial.
JUNE
The Los Angeles Lakers win the NBA Championship. Nancy Marchand, the actress who played Livia Soprano, dies. Mike Tyson knocks out someone names Lou Saverese in the first round in Scotland. Jeff McGregor writes in Sports Illustrated that "sportswriters will soon be dinosaurs, driven to extinction by the Ice Age of the Internet." Scientists announced they've sketched a rough draft of the human genome. Steve Young retires. Photos reveal that Mars has water. Frank Deford refers to Anna Kournikova as "the Jezebel of sweat."
JULY
ABC announces it is hiring Dennis Miller to broadcast "Monday Night Football." Pete Sampras wins his record 13th Grand Slam title. Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady sign free agent contracts with the Orlando Magic. Chuck Knoblauch hits Keith Olbermann's mom with an errant throw. A Concorde jet crashes minutes after takeoff from Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, killing all 109 on board and nine people staying at the Relais Bleu hotel in the town of Gonesse. Kobe Bryant performs a rap concert at Los Angeles' House of Blues.
AUGUST
Tiger Woods wins the PGA Championship, his third major of the year. "Dora The Explorer" debuts. Firestone recalls 6.5 million tires after reports of faulty design. Gay con man nudist Richard Hatch wins the inaugural season of "Survivor." Obi-Wan Kenobi dies.
SEPTEMBER
The 2000 Summer Olympics begin in Sydney, Australia. The opening ceremonies are hosted by Bob Costas and Katie Couric. Many sports no one will watch for another four years happen, and winners are declared. Indiana fires longtime coach Bob Knight after he strangles a student for saying "'Sup, Knight?" The San Diego Chargers announce Ryan Leaf as their starting quarterback. The Global Millennium Summit is held at the United Nations in New York City. Tiger Woods signs a $100 million endorsement contract with Nike. Nomar Garciaparra and Mark Grace fight over actress Lauren Holly.
OCTOBER
The Yankees and Mets meet in the Subway Series, and Roger Clemens throws a broken bat at Mike Piazza. The USS Cole is bombed by terrorist group Al-Qaeda and their elusive leader Osama bin Laden. Patrick Ewing plays for the Sonics. The PlayStation 2, hailed as the "future of entertainment," is released. Television programs "CSI" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" debut. Serbian president Slobodan Milošević leaves office. Allen Iverson records his first single, "40 Bars," which features the lyric, "Everybody stay fly get money kill and fuck bitches/I'm hittin anything in plain view for my riches/VA's finest fillin up ditches, when niggaz turn to bitches/die for zero digits; I'm a giant, y'all midgets." Joe Buck, 31, calls his third World Series.
NOVEMBER
The United States Presidential election between Governor George W. Bush and Vice President Al Gore ends in a virtual tie, and each candidate's representatives do battle for a month. Former Panthers wide receiver Rae Carruth's murder trial begins. Daunte Culpepper declares on the cover of Sports Illustrated that he "wants to be the best quarterback ever." Bill Clinton becomes the first sitting President to visit Vietnam. Hunter S. Thompson begins writing for ESPN's Page 2. Former Nebraska head coach Tom Osborne succeeds in his race for the U.S. House of Representatives, but Illinois State Senator Barack Obama does not.
DECEMBER
The Texas Rangers sign shortstop Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year, $252 million contract. Mario Lemieux announces he is returning to the NHL after a three-year retirement. Department store Montgomery Ward goes out of business. Mike Mussina signs with the Yankees and officially destroys the Orioles franchise. The Supreme Court stops the presidential recount in Florida, handing the election to George W. Bush. Victor Borge dies.

The Case Against Michael David Barrett, Cont'd [Erin Andrews]

Tommy Craggs — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:30:55 -0500

This replaces the criminal complaint lodged against the alleged peephole-customizer last month. The feds additionally accuse Barrett of filming Erin Andrews at a hotel in Columbus, Ohio, adding yet another state to his hornball tour of the country.

Yet Another Reason Not To See The Blind Side [Cinema]

Tommy Craggs — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:15:17 -0500

Michael Lewis, author of the book that is currently being butchered at a theater near you, reports that presidential-blowjob sleuth Ken Starr was so moved at a screening of the movie that he cried. [NYMag.com]